“AITA for ‘wanting to still play video games’ after being married?”

Part III: Leaving your life, friends and even your PC for your husband and moving to Germany You have been gaming for a long time and use it to combat homesickness. But your husband feels that gaming is a time killer, since it does not help to have a better future. You have been trying to bring him into your decision to purchase a new rig together but instead of support, you get dismissal and condescension. He is even reluctant to lend you his PC, instead lending you a console — even though he knows you only game on PC. So now you are wondering if you are the problem for trying to keep your hobby while married.

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Personal Identity vs. Partner Expectations

At its core, this issue isn’t just about gaming—it’s about autonomy, emotional support, and how marriage affects personal identity. While relationships involve compromise, they should not erase individuality. Your husband’s view that hobbies must serve a “useful” purpose raises a red flag. Recreational activities, including gaming, contribute to mental well-being, stress relief, and even social connections. In fact, research shows that engaging in hobbies reduces anxiety and increases overall life satisfaction.

His resistance could stem from cultural differences or ingrained beliefs about gender roles in marriage. Germany, while progressive, still has traditional expectations for household dynamics, especially when one partner is unemployed. There may be an unspoken expectation for you to prioritize homemaking or child-rearing over leisure activities. However, that doesn’t mean you should give up something that brings you joy.

There’s also an issue of respect and control. The fact that he won’t openly share his PC password but expects you to adapt to a console (which you don’t enjoy) suggests an imbalance in how personal freedoms are handled. If hobbies should be “useful,” does he hold himself to the same standard with his own interests?

Should Marriage Mean Giving Up Individuality?

A healthy relationship allows space for both partners to have personal passions. While marriage involves building a life together, it doesn’t mean you must abandon things that make you happy. Instead of focusing on whether gaming helps your future, the better question is: Does it make you happy and contribute to your well-being? If so, that’s reason enough to continue.

Your frustration seems to come less from his disagreement and more from his dismissive attitude. Calling you a “10-year-old” instead of engaging in a mature discussion is invalidating and unfair. If he truly doesn’t see the value in gaming, a middle ground could be discussing how you balance it with other activities (language learning, social outings, etc.) to ease his concerns.

Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to maintain a hobby you’ve been doing for decades. Marriage is not the time to give up personal happiness for the sake of some elaborate idea of “practicality”. What is more problematic here, though, is not so much the way your husband has treated your interests, but how this relates to a wider pattern of dismissiveness. Would he react the same way if the available hobby were painting, reading, or gardening? If he really loves you, then he should want you to feel happy — not simply busy.