I Went Through My Boyfriend’s Phone After He Got Mugged and Found Out He’s Been Cheating for Years

Privacy, Trust, and the Ethics of Snooping in Relationships

The Ethics of Going Through a Partner’s Phone
Trust is one of the basic pillars of any relationship, and so is privacy. Many people may say that sneaking peeks into your partner’s phone is a violation of privacy, but for a lot it is a well-deserved step especially when there are suspicions of infidelity involved. A research study published in the journal of Social and Personal Relationships indicates that many people snoop on a partner’s phone or computer due to a suspicion of a trust violation, and the snooper’s suspicions are often accurate.

In this situation, the user on the other end of the phone had been told specifically that she could shut off the stolen device. And although that did not give them permission to read private messages, the two-year deception and having backed up the lies may go some way to justifying their snooping habits with many. This leads to the question of if privacy should still be respected if the trust is already broken.

Infidelity: A Long-Term Erosion of Trust
Finding a partner cheating after a long relationship (years) is heartbreaking, According to research by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT), infidelity affects 15-20% of couples and so often results in a breakdown of emotional and sexual intimacy, as is the case in this situation. The excuses the boyfriend offered called medical conditions and insecurities shrouded the treachery.

When we share a home with someone, and cheating enters the picture, bringing other people into our home is a deeper level of betrayal. The listener is now left to deal with the emotional aftermath of feeling manipulated, betrayed, and disrespected within their own home; a double-whammy in the betrayal and boundary department.

The First Long-Term Relationship: Emotional Weight and Lessons Learned
This was their first long-term relationship and living together experience, and, as such, so the listener’s pain is compounded. First relationships can shape future ones, helping mold how someone trusts, communicates, and sets boundaries. Although the heartbreak wouldn’t be experienced well, such scenario could make a person grow. Recognizing red flags, following one’s gut, and knowing how to be honest and communicative will be important lessons for the listener from here on out.

Legal and Logistical Considerations of Ending a Relationship
Should the listener choose to break up, the practicalities of where each party lives will become an issue. That can complicate the process a lot, especially if they live together and have to figure out separating stuff, lease agreements, and whether they are going to be living together for a while before moving out, or not. NOLO suggests possibilities like mediation or other options to help you navigate shared living arrangements during a breakup; perhaps one of you can stay for a certain time as the other moves out into a new home.

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The internet had plenty of thoughts about the situation.