Did My Final Words to My Ex-Husband Sabotage His New Relationship? A Divorce Reflection Gone Viral

A big part of this has to do with boundaries after the separation. Although her ex-hubby had said she remained mates with him and his partner, they certainly don’t seem like it! Studies of step-relationships and blended family dynamics reveal that conflicts often occur when the new partner feels that the prior partnership is still “open.” A Christmas proposal in itself is a huge deal that was likely going to be put on hold so her comment probably magnified these insecurities.

Legally and ethically, the ball stops with her when the divorce terms stop. However, emotional accountability is more murky. Relational ethicists contend that controlling another is impossible, but thinking through how one acts intentions and the consequences of those actions, allows for personal growth. In this case, the comment was spur of the moment, actually not malicious but more a wave of raw emotion.

The New Relationship Dynamics

The girlfriend’s response exemplifies a greater societal issue where when relationships become strained instead of taking accountability, it is a lot easier to blame another external circumstance on the demise of the relationship. Research examining jealousy in relationships shows that perceived competition with a partner’s past is where insecurities often arise. That she believes he “ruined” the proposal speaks to larger problems in their relationship (e.g. poor communication, failure to align in priorities).

The emotional nature of the ex-husband’s response to the comment indicates that he may still have unresolved feelings of guilt or remorse, which could complicate things with his new partner as well. Fast fact: Research on carryover of emotions after divorce shows that unprocessed grief or guilt prevents putting into new partnerships the emotions that create them. Him not wanting to even talk about the proposal that is now not going to happen shows his emotional unpreparedness and gives me the gut feeling that he will want to rethink his priorities in his life.

What This Means Moving Forward

The commenter is grappling with her own identity post- breakup, wondering if she even “really knew or loved him.” There is a recommended emphasis on self and personal goals in case you still are in love with your ex or have some leftover feelings from the divorce. This could be a moment for her ex-husband to dig into his emotional baggage and improve the quality of his relationships going forward.

And the girlfriend — this is not about pointing fingers, but rather an opportunity to build trust in her relationship and improve communication. If the issues of the day are still lingering unresolved, then any future proposal could have the same shadows cast over it.

Fellow netizens shared their thoughts on the situation in the comments section