‘AITA for leaving a first date because he brought his mom to interview me?’
You are definitely not an asshole for walking away. — Aita o Nta If anything, Jake put you in an unbelievably uncomfortable, not to mention predatory, position, literally out of nowhere. A first date should be an opportunity for two individuals to discover more about one another, connect, and examine the chemistry. That is a totally different beast when you take your mama with you — especially since you didn’t know.
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Why This Was a Red Flag
- Lack of Communication & Respect – Jake didn’t give you any heads-up that his mom would be there. Had he told you beforehand, you could have set boundaries, declined, or at least mentally prepared. Instead, he blindsided you, assuming you’d be okay with it.
- The Date Turned Into an Interrogation – His mother wasn’t just casually saying hello—she was asking deeply personal questions about your life and future plans, making it feel more like a pre-marriage screening than a first date. That’s a huge overstep, especially when you barely know Jake.
- Potential Signs of Enmeshment – While it’s great when someone is close to their family, this setup suggests that his mother might have an overly involved or controlling role in his dating life. If he thought this was normal, it could mean he either struggles with boundaries or prioritizes his mother’s approval over his own relationships.
Were You Rude for Leaving?
Not at all. You handled the situation with grace—stayed for a bit, tried to engage, and then politely excused yourself when it became clear this wasn’t a situation you were comfortable in. You even texted him later to end things kindly rather than ghosting. Your coworker’s argument that she was just “nervous for him” doesn’t excuse the fact that this was your first date too, and you had no obligation to entertain an unexpected third party.
Reddit Comments:
You did the right thing by leaving. If bringing his mom along is normal, then she probably plays a large role in his dating life. In other words, that is a huge red flag preferably for a first-date. You were not rude, you were polite about it and you even sent a nice text afterwards. First dates are for two people to get to know each other and not for a surprise round of family interrogation. And if he operates this way at the onset of a relationship – what must it be like to be in a relationship with him? Anyway, you avoided a bullet there, and your roommate is right—who does that?! 🚩🚩🚩
