"My girlfriend loves the treats, but jealousy is brewing at work."

An act of kindness turns into an office drama. 28F – I send Starbucks to my girlfriend (27F) at work this was an everyday occurrence. She likes to receive these surprise deliveries, which can include coffee and cake pops, and this has apparently become a thing for the last month or so.

But it changed when coworkers started to get envious of these treats, viewing all the deliveries as the girlfriend showing off. Such perception has created friction at the workplace, with few colleagues expressing their resentment. The original poster (OP) is conflicted on if she should stop with the sweet surprises or continue, knowing that her girlfriend likes them but is also fully aware of the possible repercussions at work.

Read for more info Reddit

Workplace manners and how to project yourself

OPs intentions are pure because where it will be frowned upon but be in the workplace where a difference that happens is more evident. Constant kindnesses such as delivering treats can inadvertently highlight differences between co-workers. Research on workplace dynamics, like that of Psychology Today, show that visible privilege — whether actual or perceived — breeds jealousy and resentment, especially when not everyone is similarly afforded such acts of goodwill. This does not imply evil intent, but an intrinsic human tendency to compare.

Dealing with jealousy in professional rooms

Workplace jealousy can manifest as passive-aggression or flat out conflict. According to researchers, such responses typically emerge from deep-seated discontent with oneself rather than directed hatred for the recipient. The fallout this can have on team morale, is likewise shown in workplaces that feature a prominent hierarchy or competitive structure. Cue OP’s girlfriend, who is being used as pawns in the war for tasty free samples, despite neither asking for said samples or participating in the war itself.

Possible Deals and (Partially) Practical Solutions

Step one is a direct conversation with the girlfriend on her opinion of the situation, which OP suggested in their edit. Based on what she says, there are a few paths forward that could help relieve the tension:

More Discreet Moves: Perhaps instead of grand gestures in public or at work—OP can have the gifts delivered to her house or after work—everyone wins, OP keeps being OP but no one has to feel uncomfortable at work.

Less Frequent Deliveries: Making the deliveries less regular may soften the feeling of favoritism while still maintaining the generosity.

Change of Target: If the reason is because the coworkers feel excluded, OP may think of treats for team once in a while. This is not a requirement, but it could help in generating good will.

Legal Considerations

Workplace conflict created due, in part, to perceived favoritism has the potential to turn down a dark path towards an HR complaint, though this seems a bit of a long shot. In the worst case, girlfriend may have to keep track of their conversations and not risk his job.

Case Study Parallels

There have been similar situations in other workplaces, like a recent r/AITA thread about someone who got a lot of food deliveries at her job, causing issues with people around her. Often, this was solved by compromising on delivery visibility, or timing.

Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:

With transparency and a fair measure of restraint, OP can hopefully reach a place where she can still show her girlfriend she gives a damn without stirring up any further trouble at the job. A couple of tweaks in the way these gestures are expressed would enable her to still be kind but not wipe all good feelings off her coworkers.

By using dialogue, OP can establish what her girlfriend wants and what makes her comfortable in this scenario. They can discuss whether reducing visible rewards, changing the schedule or finding other secret ways of clipping affection would be the answer. To strike a balance between maintaining their relationship and also continuing to work with peace at her workplace, they can tackle the issue together.

This way she shows not only that she cares about her girlfriend being happy, but also about the bigger social picture that is always involved. If OP can find a way to navigate these complexities her love can continue to shine in many ways in her girlfriend’s space that may be more complex than just her profession.