Dad Throws A Fit When He Finds Out His Wife Took Their Daughter To Get Her Ears Pierced 

“It’s important to consult with your partner on parenting decisions they may have feelings about, so they also have a voice”

To better understand the parenting disagreement over a young girl’s ear piercing, we reached out to two well-known experts in marriage therapy and relationship counseling—Dr. Lee H. Baucom, PhD, creator of Save The Marriage, and Dr. Wyatt, a certified couples therapist and teacher of The Marriage Course TOOLS.

Both experts shared powerful insights on the importance of healthy communication in marriage, especially when it comes to making parenting decisions.

“While not every little choice needs to be made together, this one was seen as a rite of passage,” said Dr. Baucom. “That’s a special moment, and both parents may want to be part of it.”

He added, “Even if this type of thing feels small for another child, in this case, it was clearly planned in advance—but not shared with her spouse. Just checking in to see if they agree could have avoided the whole situation.”

Dr. Wyatt also shared key advice for couples:

“As a rule of thumb, always talk to your partner about parenting matters they might have strong feelings about. That gives them a voice in the relationship. And if you’re not sure what they care about, ask. That way, you both know what to expect.”

How to Handle Parenting Conflicts Without Hurting the Relationship

So, how should couples deal with disagreements like this?

“First, don’t argue about it in front of the child,” Dr. Baucom said. “The child didn’t do anything wrong. Fighting in front of kids can lead to emotional stress and childhood trauma.”

“Second, instead of showing anger, the upset partner should calmly express their feelings of being left out. Then they can both work on a plan to avoid similar issues in the future,” he added.

While the husband in this story didn’t confront his wife in front of their daughter—which was a good step—Dr. Baucom pointed out that he handled the rest poorly:

“He turned to anger, shame, and emotional control to express himself. That’s not how you build a healthy marriage. It might have been a way to try to control future behavior instead of truly solving the issue.”

“Physical aggression is never okay, under any circumstances”

Dr. Wyatt explained that the husband in this story could have shared his feelings in a calm and respectful way. For example, he might have said,

“The decision to pierce our daughter’s ears without asking me made me feel like I didn’t have a voice.”

This kind of open and honest expression is key in healthy communication between spouses.

We also asked the relationship experts if the husband’s strong reaction should be seen as a red flag in the marriage.

“It depends,” said Dr. Wyatt. “If this is part of a pattern where he often feels voiceless in parenting decisions, then his frustration makes more sense. But even in that case, he’s still responsible for expressing his emotions in a healthy and respectful way.”

Dr. Baucom took the concern even further.

“The use of physical aggression, like grabbing her, is a very serious issue. And since she’s pregnant, it becomes even more frightening. This is no small matter—it’s a threat to emotional and physical safety.”

He stressed the importance of setting clear rules in any relationship:

“She needs to clearly state that physical violence is never okay. No matter the reason, no matter the stress, it must never happen. It may take her a long time to feel safe again—and that’s a real problem.”

Dr. Wyatt added,

“Co-parenting is about sharing power and responsibility. It’s critical that couples talk things through before making decisions, and learn how to compromise when they disagree.”

Control, Not Communication, May Be the Real Problem

Finally, Dr. Baucom warned that this situation may be less about parenting and more about control in the relationship.

“He felt left out, and instead of having a calm talk, he reacted with anger, control, and physical force. That’s not okay. When someone uses violence and emotional shaming, it’s usually not about the actual issue—it’s about controlling the other person.”

“They need to deal with this before it gets worse. Control issues in a relationship can destroy trust and emotional safety, especially when children are involved.”

Readers immediately pointed out that the husband’s reaction was concerning, and the mother chimed in to share more details about the situation