Bride refuses to change wedding menu for ‘extremely traditional’ in-laws, ‘we’re not meat-and-potatoes people.’ AITA?

Balancing Guest Preferences with Wedding Vision

Your situation brings up a classic wedding dilemma: how much should a couple accommodate guest preferences versus sticking to their vision? While weddings are about celebrating love and unity, they are also deeply personal events where the couple should feel comfortable and happy with their choices.

The Etiquette Perspective

Traditional wedding etiquette suggests that hosts should consider guests’ dietary needs (e.g., allergies, religious restrictions) but are not obligated to cater to personal preferences. Your menu already includes vegetarian and seafood options, meaning there is variety. Emily Post’s wedding etiquette emphasizes that while hospitality is key, the couple has the final say on what is served. Guests, in turn, are expected to be gracious about the food provided.

The Cultural Expectation of “Classic” Meals

Your in-laws’ disappointment likely stems from generational and cultural expectations. In many families, especially those from more traditional backgrounds, a wedding meal isn’t considered complete without a staple like steak, chicken, or another hearty protein. A 2023 wedding catering survey found that 60% of guests expect a “main protein dish,” with beef and chicken being the most requested. However, the same survey also highlighted that modern couples increasingly opt for personalized, non-traditional menus that reflect their tastes rather than societal expectations.

Compromise Without Losing Your Vision

Your fiancé’s suggestion of offering a few plain dinners might be a reasonable middle ground. Some caterers allow minor modifications, like a simple grilled chicken or beef dish, without completely overhauling the menu. If this wouldn’t cause logistical issues, it could be a way to acknowledge your in-laws’ preferences without compromising your wedding vision. However, if your caterer is strict about changes or if this feels like a slippery slope, standing firm is entirely justified.

Setting Boundaries Without Creating Conflict

Your in-laws may see your refusal as a rejection of their traditions, but it’s important to communicate that this is about your wedding vision, not about excluding them. A diplomatic approach could be to express appreciation for their offer while reiterating that the menu is set. If they continue to press the issue, reminding them that other guests also have preferences that won’t be met might help put things into perspective.

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