‘AITA for yelling at my Aunt after she let my parents see my kids against my wishes?’

OP (26M) had an abusive ex-boyfriend out him as bisexual when he was 15, which caused his homophobic parents to throw him out. He was homeless for almost two years before finally moving in with an aunt who, too, had been ostracized from the family for being LGBTQ+and who emboldened him to get his life back on track. Five years later OP (36F) is married with twin boys (4M), who maintain firm no contact from his parents (who reached out to OP and remain unable to comprehend why contact needs to be avoided—his dad’s hardship involving dying of terminal cancer).

In this case, OP’s aunt — the one who has been pressuring him to patch things up, was watching OP’s kids while he and his wife celebrated their anniversary. But when OP got home earlier than he was supposed to, he caught his parents playing with his kids. We were so angry, he yelled at his aunt for betraying him, breaking his trust and ignoring his glaring boundary. His aunt said tearfully that she wished she had reconciled with her family before it was too late and feared that OP would feel the same way. OP is out, but now his wife says maybe he was too hard on her aunt, given that Auntie might not have intentionally invited them.

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Your anger is entirely justified. Your parents didn’t just make a mistake years ago—they made a deliberate, cruel choice to abandon you when you were most vulnerable. They effectively left you to struggle for survival, and no one, not even family, is entitled to forgiveness or reconciliation on their terms. You set a clear and firm boundary: your parents were not to have access to your children. Your Aunt, despite her past support, violated that boundary, and that is a serious breach of trust.

That being said, your Aunt’s perspective is also layered with emotional complexity. Given her own estrangement from family, she likely sees your situation through the lens of regret—fearing that you will eventually wish you had made peace before it was too late. This doesn’t excuse her actions, but it does offer context. If your parents truly did show up unannounced, she may have felt cornered and emotionally conflicted, making a poor judgment call in the moment rather than intentionally betraying you.

A relevant comparison can be drawn from cases of parental estrangement and reconciliation. Studies on family estrangement suggest that while reconciliation can be healing, it often requires clear accountability and genuine change from the offending party. Simply wanting to reconnect due to illness or impending death doesn’t erase past harm. Your parents’ motivation may be more about their guilt or desire for closure rather than a true reckoning with what they did to you. It’s worth considering: if your father weren’t dying, would they still be reaching out? If they weren’t seeking forgiveness on their terms, would they be willing to meet yours?

As for your Aunt, while she was wrong to go against your wishes, the fact remains that she took you in when no one else did. It may be worth having a deeper conversation with her when emotions cool. Did she invite them, or did they truly ambush her? Was she pressured into allowing them in? Rebuilding trust will take time, but she is likely someone who still cares deeply about you.

The internet had a lot to say in response.

Either way, you are not the asshole for holding your boundaries, and you are not the asshole for being angry in the moment. But you move from here, and that you are not to say possibly maybe you should look at the way you are dealing with your Aunt, maybe you should think about if you want to say anything to your father before the final countdown, or staying firm, firmly maintained distance, all of this is on you. Forgiveness may be garnered, but true forgiveness cannot be forced, and your past suffering can not be erased with just a bit of time or no more regret.