AITA for paying for my son's wedding but not my stepdaughters?'

This is a complicated situation because it is not only about the money, it is about family dynamics, and it is about assumptions regarding parental responsibility. For what it is worth, the money you are using for your son’s wedding, from your perspective, on his behalf, was earmarked for education or his future, and if he didn’t need it for school, it makes sense to put it toward his wedding. However, your stepdaughter never got the same type of fund from you, because you weren’t part of her financial picture when she became a student. In addition, this is an area of the conversation that is further complicated by the fact that you and your wife also have separate finances.

No wonder your wife is so frustrated — she presumably perceives this as an unequal treatment of the children, even if that was not your intention. We can see it from her side, to her, the fact that you paid for your sons wedding sets the bar high for her daughter. On top of that, her other side has to cover the celebration as her fiancé family demands. But you were under no obligation to chip in just because you married her mother, especially as you maintain separate finances and were never asked to pay anything towards her daughter’s wedding.

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This situation raises an important question: What is fairness in blended families? In many cases, fairness is not about equal financial contributions but rather about consistency in expectations. If you had been financially involved in your stepdaughter’s upbringing in the same way as your son’s, then your wife would have a stronger argument. However, since your finances have always been separate, and you did not actively save for your stepdaughter’s future in the same way, it is reasonable that you view your son’s wedding fund as distinct from your household finances.

Legally, you have no obligation to contribute to your stepdaughter’s wedding, as she is not your biological child. Even morally, the distinction exists because your financial planning for your son predates your marriage to your wife. However, from a relational standpoint, this decision could strain your relationship with your wife and stepdaughter, especially if she perceives favoritism.

Possible Compromises

If you want to maintain peace while standing your ground, you could:

Offer Non-Financial Support – Instead of contributing money, you could offer to help plan, organize, or find ways to reduce costs.
Discuss Reasonable Expectations – Have an honest conversation with your wife about financial responsibilities in a blended family. If she expected equal treatment despite separate finances, it may be worth addressing how future expenses (e.g., the younger kids’ college) will be handled.
Provide a Small Gesture – While you don’t have to contribute significantly, a small token contribution beyond the $2,000 gift might show goodwill without opening the door to full financial responsibility.

Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:

Judgement: NAH (No Assholes Here) you are not an asshole for spending your money the way you see fit and you had a clear intent for said money. And your wife — also not an asshole — and understandably annoyed at still getting her fair share of jerk jeans, but now she has to share amongst the kids. Yet, unless you have made prior agreements or combined finances, you are not responsible for paying for your stepdaughter’s wedding.