‘AITA for refusing to label my wedding cake as vegan because a guest felt ‘tricked?’
The poster (30F) and her husband (32M) had a vegan wedding, which featured, among other things, a beautiful three-tiered vegan wedding cake decorated with edible flowers. Before inviting people they had already told that everything will be vegan food they planned, so they didn’t really object at the beginning. But at the reception, one of the husband’s aunts (Linda) lost her temper when she saw the cake was vegan. The bride is now facing the backlash, with her calling her ‘disrespectful’ because she was ‘pushing her lifestyle’ on guests, and that people may feel ‘tricked’ into eating the dessert. Linda insisted the cake either be marked vegan or taken off the primary table. The bride responded: ‘No, this is our wedding, it was not a political statement, and nobody else had a problem with the cake. The in-laws told the bride she should have just given in to keep the peace, and Linda subsequently stormed off.
Now the bride is wondering if turning Linda down makes her the baddie.
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1. Veganism and Social Norms
Even though veganism is becoming more popular, it can still be perceived by some as a kind of moral high ground or imposition. Science shows that many are defensive about their food choices, especially when they feel judged. The couple’s decision, however, to offer vegan fare, including the cake, was made clear prior to the wedding. This implies they had no desire to “trick” anyone and simply wanted to mark their marriage in a way true to their values. From the religious components to mould activities into food or beverage tastes, the marriage is typically a manifestation of what the few loves, and will definitely not become said in an unnatural or coercive way.
2. The Argument for Labeling
It is generally advisable to label food (particularly in a crowd) for allergen awareness and to help those with dietary restrictions. A vegan cake, though not required to be labeled as such unless it contains allergens, such as nuts, or soy. The fact is, nobody goes through life assuming that their desserts do not contain animal products—as Linda claims to have felt “tricked” into believing. By putting a label on the cake, it suggests that vegan food needs a disclaimer, making it sound in some way less-than, or misleading.
3. Emotional Reactions and Familial Dynamics
Linda must overreact in an unnatural way, however. Instead of asking about the cake out of interest or taste, she contorted it into insulting a disrespect, turning a banal scenario into a war.) Which could indicate some unresolved family issues or her own internal conflict of being vegetarian. It might feel “fair” to you to bring back the cake but the in-laws could feel differently, and their suggestion to simply “label” it to keep the peace may arise out of a desire to avoid any future friction, not an unbiased sense of justice.
4. Case Studies and Precedents
A private event, like a wedding, is under no legal obligation to label food, unless there is a specific dietary restriction involved. But, other feuds over menu items at nuptials have been settled by placing courtesy center stage. However, as etiquette experts have pointed out, if the couple has an alcohol-free wedding or doesn’t serve a particular cuisine, as long as they make it known prior to the event, they should not have to accommodate every single individual request.
The internet had a lot to say in response.
The bride’s reaction to the cake not being labelled was also reasonable. Opting for a vegan wedding cake at a vegan wedding does not indicate a below-zero degree of cunning or a shameless disregard for one’s own veganism. It seems Linda is more upset by her perception of transgressions than any real misdoings. It may have been a tiny concession, but they could dispense with even that; other guests weren’t troubled. This is a reminder that on a couple’s special day drama should not be a thing.
