Cousin shows up to all white wedding ceremony in gold dress, bride has security escort her out. AITA? + Photo of dress

You (28F) had a recent “white wedding” that guests had to wear white for. Child-free. You did not wear grey white, and put on a bluish dress.) Character limit: 80 This story is about you and your cousin having tensions because of your bridal party choices, her comments about your dress and her gold gown that was not in compliance with the dress-code worn to your wedding.

It all kicked off when your cousin asked why your 16-year-old niece was a bridesmaid due to your child-free rule, hinting at double standards. This meant there was some discomfort because you stood your ground. A little later when she went out for her bridal dress shopping–chose a specific dress and her cousin commented on the look and felt that the selected outfit did not seem flattering. It culminated in a blowout fight, and you kicked her off the bridal party and out of the guest list. You only uninvited your cousin as a guest because you respect your aunt and she got involved and said come on.

However, on the day of our wedding, your cousin wore a gold coloured dress that was in total violation of the all white dress code. The dress was visible even from the aisle, which annoyed you at a time that should have been memorable. You told your wedding planner to get rid of her and that is what happened, she got kicked out. Some defend your cousin rightfully dressing how she chose, and others insist you overreacted by chasing her out in public.

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This is a collision of etiquette, of boundaries, of accountability. Some insights and things to consider:

Improper Dress and Social Manners

Wedding dress codes are charged not just stylistically, but symbolically: wearing what the couple prefers reflects a level of respect. White wedding — Every guest you see wearing white is a concept we haven’t heard of but there are events these kinds of things happen also but I guess it’s mostly modern or theme oriented wedding concept. Not only did your cousin wear gold in lieu of the requested white, but she also took the focus off you as the bride!

The cousin was in the wrong, obviously but one has to wonder about the need to take her down in such a public manner. This could have easily been avoided by simply telling her privately that she will not be attending the wedding or at the very least, keeping her around but out of the limelight–which would surely end the drama but keeps your day sacred.

Bridal Party Tensions

Perhaps the cousin is objecting to your niece’s inclusion out of jealousy or feeling that they deserve it more. Although an exception for your niece made sense to you because of your close relationship with her, it just reinforced the preference your daughter felt, especially after she urged her own child be included and her suggestion was rejected. That tension was probably what led to her provocations like body shaming during the dress fitting. This kind of behavior is totally out of reality as there is a difference to shelve her perspective between giving a rebuttal and celebration.

Setting Legal and Emotional Precedence

In other words: A bride isn’t legally responsible for making room for obnoxious guests. Actually that’s exactly why staff and security are hired at venues. But the psyche of such decisions are long lasting and the backlash is still unfolding. The instances when wedding guests are asked to leave the event usually spark discussions about the need to enforce limits versus preserving etiquette. A public kicking out may drown out all the happy moments of that day in family tensions that go on until next new year day.

Alternative Responses

Brides in similar situations have handled conflicts with more nuance. For instance:

This can be avoided by saying that, maybe getting the cousin to step back would have taken the spotlight away without being too harsh on anyone.

Had the post ceremony resolution of this defiance 1953 in India addressed her defiance, even though there was little scope to challenge authority in that era, it would perhaps have tackled immediate disruptions in a better way.

More Explicit Enforcement of the Rules: Emphasizing the dress code leading up to the wedding with specifics (like “No white outfits, no exceptions”) may help to limit confusion and avoid trouble ahead of time.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:

Everyone Sucks Here

Your Cousin : She is, without a doubt the main villain. Her constant provoking — throwing shade about your niece being in the wedding, commenting on your dress, overtly breaking the dress code — is part of a pattern of disrespect.

You: I understand your frustration, but having her escorted out turned up the heat. A little more tact could have sidestepped the spectacle and the backlash.

Her: While she meant well, her presence in allowing your cousin back into the event when the two of you were still at odds indirectly facilitated the closing fight.

Your cousin acted like a jerk (and a coward), but I think how you responded lacked a bit of strategy. This is a textbook Everyone Sucks Here scenario, and both relevant parties helped avoid the drama.