MIL’s Wedding Dress Perfect Fit on Big Day

You were between a rock and a hard place because with your pregnancy, your original dress became off-limits. I can totally see how this was an emotional process for you, especially with your stepmom having had a long-enduring dress that has been in her mindset to pass on to you. It was a practical solve, yes, but it was also such a lovely, meaningful gesture from your MIL too, considering she’d been pregnant when she wore her wedding dress as well! It made a memory between the two of you where they made you feel at home, and in their arms.

The problem here in my opinion is with your SIL and the fact that she was never interested in the dress in the first place, as per your fiancé. It doesn’t make sense that she’s now so upset when your MIL was happy to offer it to you. It crosses the line from disappointment into taking your dress back and passing moral judgment on your pregnancy. It sounds less like being sad than being mad. That your FIL is also in the decision to harass this entire time sounds like zooming in on the ‘family’ aspect here and the ‘dress’ side of the debate is just a proxy for that.

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Brides are wrapped with heavy emotions, and wedding gowns become intergenerational heirlooms symbolizing love, tradition, and connection within families. But the dress ownership and also the right to it typically differs. The dress in question is your MIL’s dress, which she offered up willingly and gladly, knowing full well that you had emotional ties to your stepmom’s dress and wanting to stimulate the same type of tie. If this honestly is just an act of generosity on her part then her support should outweigh your SIL’s sudden outrage that she clearly didn’t care about herself seeing as she never showed interest in the dress beforehand.

Cases like these are not rare, especially when it comes to something like an heirloom or a specific wedding dress. The conflict is often over alleged preferential treatment or the fear of losing family traditions. But why your MIL gave you the dress is personal and situational — she understood your struggle with your own family including you in a deeper way. Research into family relationships has also focused on communication, emotion and empathy, particularly in types of conflict. Your MIL and fiancé in this case seem to have already made it known exactly where they stand with your decision they clearly have the same opinion that support matters and not just mean messages.

Legally, that dress is MIL’s, and therefore she can do whatever she likes with it — gift it, loan it to anyone. This has nothing to do with how you may feel about your SIL, as that is a form of emotional entitlement. If the dress mattered to SIL, she could have conveyed that earlier instead of calling you “living in sin” and harassing you. Such conduct destroys any legitimate interest that she might possess in the dress.

Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:

NTA. You dealt with a tricky situation with elegance and accepted an offer full of kindness that your MIL was delighted to accept. The reaction of your SIL appears more about her own issues than the actual dress. Look, you have your fiancé and MIL in your corner, so just keep focusing on the positivity in the wedding (and marriage). With the big day approaching, her behaviour may become intolerable, making it a good time to set up strong boundaries to protect your peace.