‘AITA for breaking up with my BF because he won’t stop using his iPad during family events?’

When the boyfriend (20M) hardly touches his phone at his family gathering, the poster, a 19-year-old woman wonders whether she did the right thing in ending her relationship over his continual involvement with his iPad — even at her grandmother’s milestone birthday party. At least three times, she told him to put the device down and be present, he said, but he kept placing his iPad ahead of joining her family — even wanting to visit the bathroom just to use the iPad. During the event, tensions flared, resulting in a public ultimatum from her about him leaving. She broke up with him after that, because of his uninterested response (and later cluelessness).

Although her family and friends seem torn between saying her actions were either justified or over the top, she personally felt underappreciated, and that justifying the emotional rollercoaster she put herself on was all that mattered. The fact that her ex-boyfriend wanted to continue his behaviour without caring about how it made her feel, made her make up her mind.

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This situation highlights several dynamics that are worth exploring—emotional investment in relationships, the role of digital devices in interpersonal connections, and the concept of respect and priorities within partnerships.

Digital Distractions in Relationships:

The boyfriend’s behavior reflects a growing issue in modern relationships: excessive use of technology leading to disconnection. Research from the Pew Research Center (2020) notes that about 51% of partnered adults report feeling ignored by their significant other because of device use. This phenomenon, often termed “phubbing” (phone + snubbing), can erode emotional intimacy and lead to resentment.

In this case, the boyfriend’s refusal to detach from his iPad during pivotal moments—like a family celebration—signaled a disregard for the shared values of presence and connection. His prioritization of the device over a special occasion further amplified her feelings of neglect and disrespect.

Emotional Labor and Communication:

The emotional labor exerted by the user to repeatedly request basic attentiveness suggests an imbalance in the relationship. Relationships thrive on mutual respect and understanding, which seemed lacking on his part. His inability to grasp why his behavior was hurtful—even after multiple discussions—demonstrates a failure to empathize and compromise, essential components of a healthy partnership.

Her decision to confront the issue during the family event, while understandable given the buildup of frustration, also underscored the impact of unresolved patterns. Public outbursts can lead to embarrassment and unintended consequences, but they often stem from feeling unheard in private settings.

Respecting Boundaries and Priorities:

The boyfriend’s assertion that she was being “controlling” for requesting his attention misrepresents the core issue. Healthy relationships involve compromise and understanding each other’s needs. While it’s essential to respect individual preferences (such as his desire for “escape”), constantly prioritizing personal habits over the relationship’s shared goals signals misaligned values.

This incident also underscores a critical aspect of boundaries: knowing when to walk away. The user recognized that she deserves a partner willing to value her and her family as she does. Her choice to leave was not about controlling his behavior but about refusing to accept a relationship dynamic that left her feeling undervalued.

What do you think? Did she “blow it and make a huge mistake”? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Verdict and Takeaways:

Not the Asshole, given the context of this story — NTA. The user was patient and kept stating her need, only to have it ignored with excuses. She was astounded to think that this was the end of their relationship, but she knew it was for the best, her self-respect was being crushed under the weight of his absence and inability/ unwillingness to change.

This was a great example of how important clear communication, respect for one another, and aligned priorities are in relationships. Although this is no easy feat as this will often cause us to walk away, it will allow room for partners in the future who align and honor your values. This user experience highlights the importance of speaking up for yourself and establishing boundaries when it comes to an inability or refusal to listen repeatedly.