You Stole Her Dream!’: Dad Lashes Out After Daughter Fulfills Late Mom’s Wish Before His Wife Does
Entitled: Mother says daughter (29F) commemorates her late mother by naming her newborn daughter Elise after HER initials in the family’s dream to have L-O-V-E initials. But her choice has created a huge rift with her dad and step mum, who are fuming that she “stole” the name they intended on using for their baby.
It was meant to be the last letter of the acronym, which the mother had originally planned to finish with her. The mother died before a fourth child, and in infidelity-driven marital problems with the father. The father and step-mother then declared they had chosen to name their baby Emilio or Elise ‘in honour of the late mum’s dream’. The OP thought that this would be disrespectful to her mother, especially after her father cheated on her mother with the stepmother, so before they had the chance to name her Elise, she decided to name her child after her.
The father, step mother, and some extended family are now saying the OP is selfish and that she has ruined her mothers wishes. What should have been a friendly family drama, has turned ugly with taunting posts all over social media, — leaving the OP questioning whether she did the right thing.
When it comes to family traditions, they carry sentimental value, especially when a loved one’s memory is involved
The author’s mother named her four children to spell “L-O-V-E”, but it was left incomplete after her untimely death
Balancing Legacy, Family Tensions, and Boundaries
1. Honoring the Late Mother’s Legacy
It is no coincidence that OP has named her daughter Elise—her strong identification with her mother’s idea and dream of the artist and what viewer/experience/meaning there is. It was more than simply a name; it represented a completion of what her mother was unable to complete. This is a promise that feels sacred to her and by accepting it, the OP is honoring that.
However, her father and stepmother obviously feel otherwise. While it might be well-intentioned, their choice to use that name does not take into account the emotional weight and context for the OP and her siblings — especially considering the affair that made their mother suffer.
2. Is It Really “Stealing”?
Names, like any act of sentiment, are personal, but not proprietary. It seems unreasonable for the stepmother to be upset about OP “stealing” the name, when OP gave her intent to name her child the name the day before. Even after the OP informs them, the father and stepmother continues to press on which tells me they are dismissive of OP and her feelings and her mothers legacy.
3. Respect vs. Boundary Crossings
It seems like OP’s father and stepmother wanted to be involved to honor the late mother but they handled this poorly. If they wanted to be nice after discovering OP’s plans, they may have asked for “permission” to attend their funeral, but they took it too far by insisting on the plan even after OP said no, which means that they were also trying to disrupt OP’s grieving period and tread on very grey waters when it comes to human boundaries.
The father and stepmother’s apparent immaturity is further emphasized by his social media posts ridiculing the whole situation. To publicly taunt a family member in mourning—one days post-partum, no less—is beyond bad judgement; it’s sadism.
4. Moving Forward:
- Clear Communication: OP might benefit from writing a heartfelt letter explaining why she made her decision, focusing on her love for her mother and desire to honor her memory rather than the conflict.
- Ignoring the Noise: Social media taunts can be difficult to endure, but disengaging and focusing on her new baby might be the healthiest choice.
- Rebuilding Family Dynamics: While tensions are high now, time and distance might eventually allow for healing, especially with support from her sister and other allies in the family.
Netizens affirmed that the father and stepmother’s actions were a blatant disregard for the author’s mother’s memory
OP — Not the a-hole for naming her baby Elise since her late mother-in-law had a wish to name her grandchild Elise. It is very insensitive of her father and stepmother to use the same name, knowing how significant a name can be and the emotional distress in relation to the deceased mother’s relationship.
At the end of the day, names mean a lot, but they are not the only evidence of love or legacy. No amount of backlash is going to strip that tribute from the OP, which she has already fulfilled her mother with a meaningful tribute to her essence.
