Bride uninvites fiancé’s ‘work wife’ from wedding, hears her say, ‘you could always marry me instead.’ AITA?

Set to have you along for the ride in this knotting season story, a 29-year-old woman is forced to navigate her fiancé’s “work wife,” Lily, as their wedding day looms larger and larger. What began as a seemingly innocent friendship between Lily and her fiancé has morphed over time into this tangled, disruptive, and toxic a situation that has gradually stripped away a bride-to-be’s sense of emotional security within her relationship. Late night texts from Lily, knowing the groom better than the poster herself, finding ways to inject her opinions into their wedding, critiquing the venue and volunteering to help with the bride’s dress. When it hit the fan: at their engagement party when Lily joked (okay, half-jokingly) about marrying the groom herself, and ended up drunkenly saying she “can’t picture him with anyone else.”

The fiancée said when she called him out on Lily being a brat, he totally belittled her feelings, saying that she was just jealous and unreasonable. Doty’s defense of Lily, coupled with his insistence that to un-invite her would damage his professional life, only deepened the poster’s sense of isolation. But now, caught between needing to establish her own comfort zone and not wanting to seem like a jealous bride, she wonders if she should have to be the one who backs down and whether she is in the wrong for wanting Lily not to be invited at this wedding – one day that is meant to be about their relationship, not his relationship with someone else.

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The situation described highlights an increasingly common relationship stressor: the “work spouse” dynamic. According to a survey by Office Pulse (2018), 32% of professionals admitted to having a work spouse — a close, often platonic relationship at work that mimics aspects of a romantic partnership. While many of these relationships remain harmless, they can blur emotional boundaries if not managed with respect for existing romantic partnerships.

Emotional Infidelity and Boundary Violations:

What the poster is experiencing aligns with behaviors described in psychological research on emotional infidelity. According to Dr. Shirley Glass, author of “Not Just Friends”, emotional infidelity occurs when intimate emotional connections develop outside the primary relationship, often leading to secrecy or minimized transparency. The constant late-night texting, intimate jokes, and shared secrets between the fiancé and Lily are hallmarks of this phenomenon — even if no physical affair has taken place.

Dr. Glass emphasizes that emotional affairs can feel just as threatening, if not more, because the emotional intimacy once reserved for a partner is redirected elsewhere. In this case, the “work wife” is intruding not just into daily conversations but into the most personal event of the couple’s life — their wedding. The joking proposal and passive-aggressive remarks about their bond suggest territorial behavior on Lily’s part, which crosses professional and emotional lines.

Legal and Social Considerations Around Wedding Guest Lists:

From a legal standpoint, the couple hosting the wedding holds the right to curate the guest list. There is no obligation to invite anyone who makes one partner uncomfortable, especially if their presence threatens the couple’s emotional well-being on their wedding day. While social norms often pressure couples to include coworkers or family, ultimately, the guest list reflects the couple’s shared priorities, not professional obligations.

Similar cases often arise in relationship forums where partners grapple with excluding problematic friends, exes, or “work spouses” from weddings. For example, Reddit threads like r/relationships and r/weddingplanning frequently feature stories where partners overstep by inviting emotionally charged figures without mutual agreement. The consensus often leans toward respecting the comfort and emotional safety of the person committing to marriage — prioritizing the future spouse over outside friendships.

Power Imbalance and Workplace Repercussions:

The fiancé’s concern that uninviting Lily could “damage his reputation at work” suggests a power imbalance where workplace relationships are bleeding into personal boundaries. However, this is not uncommon in workplaces where socializing closely is normalized. Yet, it is unfair for one partner to bear the emotional burden of this dynamic — particularly when it’s affecting critical life events. If the friendship is truly platonic and professional, a respectful boundary should be negotiable without emotional fallout.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:

According to research and general relationship norms, you are not overreacting. Even if it is not physical, emotional infidelity is still just as hurtful, and oftentimes, we undermine that. It is understandable to feel you need boundaries, even on your wedding day. Your wedding is a time to celebrate your relationship — not to be a conduit for someone else’s romantic trauma around your partner. If your fiancé is unwilling to prioritize your comfort, red flags will arise as to whether he understands boundaries and emotional fidelity.