Man Leaves Family for Mistress, Surprised When Estranged Wife Refuses to Care for Him During Illness
However, add in some cheating, neglect, and betrayal, and even the simplest of situations can lead to family scenarios that are anything but black and white. In this case, a woman is fighting with her husband after expressing her frank opinion about his brother’s wedding. Type of romance: one where her brother-in-law who cheated on his wife during the pandemic and has literally done nothing except ignore his family for years thinks he can come home when he is sick and unemployed and finally be back in the same home as his wife.
The wife is being pressured by her husband and his family to take him back but she said top if she was her sister in law, she wouldn’t take him back either. She was met with rage from her husband, who accused her of being cruel and heartless, for just being honest. And now, she wonders if she should have kept her mouth shut or if she was right to speak up.
After finding out that her cheating brother-in-law wanted to return to his family, the woman said he shouldn’t be welcomed back
But to her surprise, this response didn’t sit well with her husband
Cheating, Consequences, and Family Dynamics
1. Infidelity and Its Lasting Impact on Relationships
Infidelity tends to be a death knell to the relationship, especially when the relationship has been neglected for years. According to research from the Journal of Marriage and Family, infidelity is among the top reasons for divorce — often, the trust and emotional safety cannot be revived.
In this case the brother in law not only cheated but left his wife and kid for years and gave all of his financial and emotional support to his mistress. This is way bigger than a husband behaving badly — this shows he completely checked out of his family. Thinking that his wife would welcome him back with open arms, after such a betrayal, is symbolic of a man who either does not feel accountable for his actions, or has no idea how many wounds he has opened.
2. The Role of Consequences in Repairing Trust
As a wife, I know that over the years my brother-in-law has caused his wife and child several tangible miseries — emotional and financial. He wants the ease and comfort of his marital home, now that he is sick and has no work, but he has, he appears, made no repairs in regards to the damage that has been done.
Vindication can only happen if the one being apologised to, is apologising in good faith and intending to take full responsibility for their actions. After rejecting your financial support, your plea, your offer of physical entry, what wish for forgiveness could really be made under the illusion of good sense? Without the money for an apology, a pain that falls but regardless different as always short of the best, a different condition of the concern of being well when the only difference between someone else is that they know their apology has no meaning? It is arrogance, not redemption, to believe forgiveness can come without the burden of its cost.
3. Family Pressure vs. Autonomy in Relationships
During times of crisis, families often come together to support its members, but not apologizing for the pain they have caused in the process can push away offending parties. The husband family forcing the sister-in-law to take back the brother-in-law where she as an individual has to suffer so many years.
The sister-in-law here is drawing a line in protecting herself and her child by not allowing him to back in. This is not to say that compassion should not be felt for the brother-in-law’s illness, but supporting her decision is about giving her space to put herself and her child first.
4. The Importance of Honest Communication in Families
The OP simply put can probably also say to his wife “If I were your brother’s wife, I wouldn’t take him too” — they could have been blunt, and yet it seems a true perspective. There is no sugarcoating it — he left his wife and children, and she has every right to turn him away.
But family dynamics are rarely so straightforward. But her husband is all : FAM IS FAM and clearly feels that anything else is obviously a secondary concern to helping his brother feel better about his cheating and the pain it has caused. Marriage, with the partner going along with the spouse family while compromising on others, is easy to strain with this imbalance.
5. Navigating Loyalty and Personal Values in Marriage
And my very personal reflections on loyalty, and how sometimes loyalty to family, even as adults with distinct lives, can conflict with our own beliefs and values. Now the OP has found herself stuck between her husband expressing normal protective instincts for a female human being and feeling loyalty to the right that is she believes in: accountability and fairness. If I may add clarity for the future:
- Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize her husband’s closeness to his brother while explaining that her comments were about accountability, not cruelty.
- Focus on Solutions: Encourage discussions about how the family can support the brother-in-law without forcing the wife to compromise her boundaries.
- Set Clear Boundaries: Reinforce that the sister-in-law’s decision should be respected, as it’s her life and her home.
Just because the OPs blunt honesty about her brother-in-law’s situation may not be what her husband wants to hear, it does not make her wrong. There are ramifications for cheating, dumping and neglecting a wife and child, and the brother-in-law’s current difficulties won’t make up for the injury he inflicted on his spouse and kid.
Although her husband acted completely normal in being protective of his brother, that does not mean he gets to sacrifice fairness or compassion toward the sister-in-law. But as long as she holds fast to her values and communicates with some empathy, the OP ought to be able to work through this prickly family arrangement without losing herself.
In the replies, the woman noted that she couldn’t understand why the couple was still married
