AITA for Cutting Off My Parents Over Their Will Favoring My “Disabled” Brother?
A recent article examined how family tensions are likely to be exacerbated by favoritism and financial inequity. This week, a 24-year-old woman said she has hit the end of her rope with her parents over the fact that their will almost entirely benefits her older brother, who has never managed to get his act together as an adult. Even though the parents raised both the brother (32M) and the narrator the same, the brother has been financially supported by their parents his entire life and the narrator has made her own way through hard work, the military, and education.
And the fact that the parents had made the choice to leave most of their estate to the brother — whom they claim needs “help perpetually” — caused the narrator to cut all ties. It’s a bittersweet decision as she’s obviously frustrated as to WHY she is the one managing their estate BEING paid something far less than her sibling. This attitude from the narrator has led to divided responses from their family members, prompting some to plead that they need to learn empathy, and others pointing a finger declaring that the narrator is blowing things out of proportion.
Parental favoritism breeds resentment
A woman is cutting off her parents for showing blatant bias toward her older brother because he has a “below-average IQ”
The Strain of Unequal Treatment in Families
Financial Favoritism in Families
Family matters, and at times like this, favoritism can be a common culprit between families, especially financial favoritism. Studies establish that real as well as perceived parental favoritism breeds long-term resentment among siblings as well as strains the parent-child relationship as well. In this example, this narrator is angry not just because his parents didnʼt pay for his wedding but also because when the narrator gets the cold shoulder in the will, his parents expect him to pick up stuff like medical power of attorney and handling the estate.
On the one hand, who can blame parents for wanting to leave financial security to a less- or differently-capable child? This means that other siblings especially those who are independent do not feel undervalued or taken for granted.
Understanding “Disability” and Its Implications
The brother is referred to by the parents as “the disabled one” but the narrator explains that he has no disability, just a below-average IQ. This may complicate some areas of life; however, it should not mean that they necessarily require financial support for the rest of their lives. The Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and other disability laws define the actual disability as impairment that limits, in a substantial way, one or more major life activities, and this seems to be more of an inconvenience than a limiting factor.
The brother’s failure to finish trade school or to sustain a measure of financial independence again and again seems less like an inability that stems from a disability than a failing of will. Even so, his behavior might have been enabled by how overprotective his parents were, and thus, the cycle of dependency continued.
Emotional Labor vs. Financial Contributions
One of the most controversial points here is the share of the work among siblings. The parents may expect the narrator to elegantly juggle the emotional, logistical, and financial burdens of dealing with their healthcare and estate but have not provided the narrator the same level of financial mindfulness in return. This form of inequality — day to day yet unbalanced texture of family life, where one child is useful (put your hand up if you were the one a parent leant on for a self-esteem boost) is a classic example of emotional labour, that a family relies on one child, one favoured pet.
Studies of caregivers illuminate the stress and strain it can cause both emotionally and physically. By refusing these responsibilities, the narrator establishes her boundaries, indicating her desire to manifest an atmosphere of equity.
Approaching Family Estrangement
Walk away from family is an ultimatum taken by many, though this is not easy, it can be because of repeated sense of neglect or being disrespected. When nothing changes, an alienation is a kind of self-defensive mechanism. That said, though, a message must be delivered to you with a little urgency as well if long-term regret is to be avoided. She can explain to her parents — maybe through family mediation — how the decisions they made made her feel.
The woman provided more information by answering some questions
That gradual cut-off from her parents is a heartbreaking aspect of the favorism/ perceived inequities in family dynamics. Her frustration, however understandable, could perhaps be overcome by sitting down with clear, honest communication — or in the absence of that, a neutral mediator. To keep family peace, parents have to disburse to not-so-great-off children with the independence and sacrifices of other children.
