‘AITA for embarrassing my aunt at a baby shower instead of declining an invitation?’
OP (16F) has an “Aunt Jenny,” aka her mom’s bestie for life, and Jenny’s daughter, Ellie, is OP’s age. Yet Ellie is a repeat fuck-up, her mother always defends Ellie and OP wants nothing to do with Ellie. On the day of OP’s baby shower, OP’s mom said that they were going on a camping trip next month and then Jenny was subtly telling OP to take Ellie with them. OP sensed the direction of the conversation, piped up and slammed it into a wall with an “Oh hell no!” Well, Jenny got upset and OP then tells all the mom, and she then gets mad and cancels the family trip, but then she just went back on her word. OP admits she could’ve declined in a kinder manner but is also of the opinion that her reaction was required, as it stopped for good more pushing attempts from Jenny. Now, she’s second guessing her bluntness as if she shouldn’t have been so frank and more tactful instead.
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From a social etiquette standpoint, OP’s mom has a point—there is a way to decline invitations gracefully without causing unnecessary embarrassment. That being said, OP was placed in an unfair position. Jenny has a pattern of pushing Ellie into situations where she isn’t wanted, and OP likely reacted strongly because she’s tired of this dynamic. In social situations, it’s not just about what’s said but how it’s said, and abrupt reactions can escalate tensions. However, OP’s reaction was also an honest boundary-setting moment.
This scenario reflects a broader issue of forced friendships within family dynamics or close-knit social circles. Studies in social psychology suggest that teens forced into relationships they don’t want (especially with peers they find toxic) often develop resentment or disengage socially to avoid conflict. OP’s reaction, while not the most polite, was likely fueled by years of frustration with Ellie’s entitled behavior and Jenny’s refusal to acknowledge it.
Additionally, Jenny’s reaction suggests that she expected OP to comply with the unspoken expectation of including Ellie, rather than respecting OP’s autonomy in choosing her own friends. It’s a common theme in toxic family dynamics—when parents try to force social connections to “fix” their own children’s social struggles rather than addressing the root of their behavior.
Reddit Comments:
Not the A-hole. OP could’ve been more diplomatic, but she’s never going to win if the person on the other end believes her boundaries mean nothing. True, her mom has a point about the treating others with respect, but the main issue is that Jenny just feels entitled to Op’s life and doesn’t respect OP’s autonomy. It was not the most “polite” choice but a blunt response was the only way to put the situation to rest before Jenny could mistakes in coming to your defense.
