Girlfriend Repeatedly Eats Roommate’s Food, Shocked When Boundaries Are Set
Frustrated apartment owner took to the internet for advice after repeated boundary breaches with her roommate’s girlfriend. The poster rents a room to a friend, and has been getting worked up over the girlfriend staying over on weekends. The poster isn’t opposed to visits here and there, but her girlfriend help herself to the poster’s groceries, pre-prepped food, and even to take out, without asking or contributing.
After a long workweek, the original poster splurged on a nice takeout dinner, intending to save half of it for the next day — and the final straw came. But there were no doggy bags after the girlfriend tucked in. When the roommate was confronted, he downplayed his actions, stating that he pays rent and has the right to host her as often as he wanted. The tension boiled over after the poster told her to reduce visits or for the couple to chip in with groceries and the roommate became angry and stopped talking to her. And now this poster is doubting themselves for having boundaries.
When living with a roommate, it’s important to respect their personal space and belongings, including food
A man expressed his frustration after his roommate’s girlfriend continually helped herself to his snacks, but the last straw came when she finished off his nice takeout without permission
The Ethics and Etiquette of Roommate Relationships
Roommate Etiquette: The Balance Between Rights and Responsibilities
Your rights versus the rights of your roommate No one wants to have a roommate ruin their life, but the reality of living with someone close is often a tug-of-war with competing interests of personal freedom and shared space. The roommate was right about being able to have his girlfriend over when he pays rent, but he was wrong that a guest can free-load off the communal creamer, food or utilities without consensus. But, most lease agreements or rental guidelines (NOLO) define guests as overnight visitors, so regular overnight visitors can quickly become an additional tenant and that may necessitate a renegotiation of terms.
Basic roommate rule: consume food from a poster repeatedlywithout replenishing or reimbursing. Apartment Guide surveyed more than 1,000 people and learned that food is one of the top causes of friction between roommates. These issues can easily be avoided with good communication and setting expectations when it comes to shared space, costs and boundaries.
The Financial Impact of “Frequent Guests”
It also adds a financial strain on the main tenants, as they have now allowed a recurring guest to live there for free. An additional person, even one only staying temporarily, means an increase in groceries, utilities, and wear-and-tear costs. Studies from Rent. According to MSN. com, the presence of one “silent” occupant not included in a living arrangement can raise living costs by 15 — 30%. Her girlfriend is always around here-Whaa-la, she becomes a non paying co-tenant: using the facilities, but never picking up her share of the load.
Setting Boundaries: The Importance of Respect and Accountability
Setting Boundaries With Roommates Is About Fairness, Not Just About Fairness. This is a low-hanging fruit solution that helps not to create more resentments after that poster has touched on this issue. Psychology Today explains that unresolved frustrations when two people sharing a living situation are so patently disagreeable that any disagreement can escalate into open hostility and killing a friendship. Being out in the open, like asking someone for shared groceries or not to stop by over the weekend, only preserves harmony between all involved parties, and is a perfectly normal way to treat a guest.
Potential Solutions: Finding a Middle Ground
In case of most roommate conflicts, a little compromise goes a long way. For example, the roommate and his girlfriend might:
- Contribute to groceries: Establish a system where they either purchase their own food or reimburse the poster for what they consume.
- Reduce visits: Limit her overnight stays to every other weekend to minimize the strain on shared resources.
- Respect shared spaces: Ensure that food is explicitly labeled or that meal-prepped items are off-limits.
You might want to introduce a shared expenses app like Splitwise that will simplify reimbursements and reduce confusion.
Many people online felt the author should take firm action against their roommate
Poster is absolutely right to set boundaries after many breaks to the trust and fairness. Though the roommate may be well within his rights to accommodate his girlfriend, this right does not include the right to monetize common areas of the house for free. The poster is doing what all roommates should do: affirm the issue directly and offer fair solutions in order to perpetuate a healthy living environment.
