Woman tells a stranger at the gym to ‘name 3 women who loved him.’ AITA?
You (19 F) moved to a new place and recently joined a gym where you experienced the classic “name three songs” gatekeeping. A tattoo-covered man asked if you genuinely listen to the band while you were breaking a sweat in your Motörhead shirt, because you have been a metalhead for over twenty years. Rather than prove yourself in the form of a shower of accomplishments, you retorted, “Name three women who have told you that they love you. —an internet meme replying to this standard sexist canard. The dude gets a bit annoyed and returns to working out, and you wonder if you went a little heavy-handed there.
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And this sort of gatekeeping is sadly par for the course in music subcultures, especially in rock and metal. One common battle is the judgment male fans lay upon women who wear band merch: They tend to assume women aren’t real fans of a band and automatically label them “posers.” It relates to antiquated beliefs about who belongs in certain subcultures, even if metal has a diligent and enthusiastic footstep to the past of women to be very areas and artists.
That was a brutal reply, but it got to the heart of the matter: this wasn’t so much about him knowing more about music than you, as it was about him trying to establish his dominance. The “name three women” counter works because it turns this on its head, underlining the ridiculousness of his question. It stung, but also gave him a dose of reality. If he honestly wanted to talk Motörhead, all he had to do was ask what your favorite album was, and not assume you had to validate yourself.
Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:
He was asking for a stinger by attempting to quiz you; you owe him nothing in the way of a quiz answer. If that embarrassed him, then he should blame himself for gatekeeping for no reason. Could you not have been more gentle? Sure. However, there are times when the most effective way to challenge a negative behavior is to simply name it.
