AITA for Not Wanting a Giant Photo of My Boyfriend’s Deceased Dog in Our Shared Apartment?
The death of a pet can be an extremely heart-wrenching affair and a very personal one too. It sparked a disagreement between one couple who wrote in that her boyfriend wanted to hang what she described as a ‘flat-screen-TV-sized’ wall portrait of his dog who had recently died in their shared apartment. Though his girlfriend was sympathetic and offered smaller, less-in-your-face ideas to remember the dog, she didn’t want to dedicate a big centerpiece of their home to a pet that wasn’t hers.
She feels that her boyfriend doesn’t approve of her need for shared space and boundaries about aesthetics, whilst also feeling it is unfair that he won’t have her at the same time as others (which technically belongs to her). It goes on to show a bit of what to expect when grieving and living together with your partner brain — “How do we honor our people while staying humble & respectful”?
A man lost his beloved pet and wanted a way to commemorate him with a portrait
But his girlfriend was against a huge pet potrait hanging in their shared apartment
Grief, Shared Spaces, and Compromise
1. The Emotional Weight of Losing a Pet
For many people, pets are family members, and losing one can be just as devastating as losing a human loved one. According to studies by The American Veterinary Medical Association (AVMA), the grief from losing a pet is personal and may be equally as great as that of the burial of an intimate friend or even a relative.
The loss for the boyfriend was especially painful as he had spent 11 years with the dog. He probably wants it up in their home as a way of paying tribute to that relationship and perhaps a way of keeping the dog’s memory alive. Since the pet died while he was away from home, litter in a bag feel like a tangible way for him to process grief.
2. The Importance of Boundaries in Shared Spaces
Grief should be honored, but if you are both living in the same space, you really should be agreeing on decor and decor. I can feel the girlfriend on this one: is giant photo the focal point of the room? When sharing space, you’re not the only one involved—you both have preferences and boundaries.
Interior designers and psychologists stress the need for balance in your common areas, so ensure that one person doesnt overshadow the others needs or desires. An enormous image of a pet alone — particularly one not affiliated with both parties — could be excessive or alienating to someone who had been not immediately connected to the operate on legal courts.
3. Compromise: Honoring Grief Without Sacrificing Comfort
There can be several gestures in order to memorialize a pet instead of one primary only. Here are multiple opportunities to pay tribute to a beloved pet while never leaving either partner feeling uncomfortable in their home. For example:
- Smaller Photo Displays: A framed photo on a desk, shelf, or side table can provide a meaningful but subtle tribute.
- Custom Art or Mementos: Commissioning a smaller piece of artwork, like a pet portrait, or keeping an item like a collar or pawprint displayed tastefully can evoke the same feelings of remembrance.
- Digital Tributes: Creating a digital photo frame or online tribute album ensures memories are preserved without taking up physical space.
That gives the boyfriend an option to memorialize his pet, but the girlfriend an option to honor her home.
4. Grief vs. Aesthetics: Finding Balance
In fact, that reaction of the boyfriend implies his grief is not entirely being validated. Although I understand where the girlfriend is coming from — she may not want to be outvoted in a place they share — her first reaction — not listening and then showing disgust after agreeing — might have intensified his discomfort. Open, empathetic communicatio
- Acknowledge the depth of his loss:“I know how much your dog meant to you, and I want to help you honor that.”
- Reframe the conversation as a collaboration:“How can we memorialize your dog in a way that feels meaningful to you but also works in our shared space?”
This approach acknowledges his grief while opening a way through that honors both partners.
Girlfriend Not AssHole For Complementing Giant Picture Of Boyfriend Dog In Home But grieving a relationship is tricky, and it calls for tenderness & give-and-take. Although I can understand her concerns with aesthetics and shared space, when a pet is more than just a pet, as it can often be for the owner, then I believe we have to come to some sort of an understanding and support the feelings of the pet owner.
Finding a tribute that honors their beloved body while not overwhelming their home will help them navigate this emotional challenge hand-in-hand and make the most of what will be a bonding experience in the face of adversity.
Many people sided with the girlfriend: “It’s a shared home and he needs to find a middle ground”
