Woman Adopts Men’s Email Style, Faces Backlash for Being ‘Rude’

The Gendered Expectations of Workplace Communication

What OP has experienced is a classic case of gendered communication discrimination in the corporate arena. Research consistently finds that women’s language is expected to be padded with pleasantries, exclamation points and apologies in order to be seen as likable and friendly, whereas males are afforded more freedom to be straightforward without social consequences.

The Double Standard in Workplace Communication

Studies conducted by Dr. Judith Baxter, a linguist specializing in gender and workplace discourse, show that women leaders using direct and assertive language are 70% more likely to be labeled as “abrasive” or “bossy” compared to men using the same language. In-men using the same style are seen as assertive and capable.

One famous study published in the Harvard Business Review also determined that when men negotiate with strength, they were rewarded with positive feedback; but when women engage in the same behavior, they are often labeled as “difficult” or “aggressive.” This goes beyond the negotiation table into all aspects of communication—emails, meetings, performance reviews.

Bias in Email Communication

A 2021 study in the Journal of Business and Technical Communication found that women who removed hedging language (e.g., “just checking in” or “I was wondering if”) were 1.5 times more likely to receive negative feedback on their tone than men who wrote similarly. This suggests that the expectation for women to soften their language is deeply ingrained, even when companies claim to support gender equality.

Why Does This Happen?

• Social Conditioning: Women are often socialized from a young age to prioritize harmony and likability in interactions, whereas men are encouraged to be assertive and direct.
• Unconscious Bias: Even well-intentioned managers may subconsciously expect women to conform to different communication standards.
• Workplace Norms: Corporate cultures historically built around male-dominated structures still carry implicit biases in language expectations.

Standing Firm and Pushing for Change

OP’s refusal to revert to overly polite language is a bold stand against these outdated norms. However, pushing for systemic change requires more than just individual resistance. If OP wants to address this issue beyond personal choices, here are some strategies:

1. Bring Awareness to Bias: Sharing studies and examples with leadership (like how her manager reacted) can make a difference. Many people don’t realize these biases exist until they see them firsthand.
2. Encourage Consistency in Feedback: If direct emails are deemed “rude” for women but not for men, managers should be encouraged to standardize their expectations across all employees.
3. Advocate for Workplace Training: Companies serious about inclusion should implement bias training to help employees and managers recognize and correct these double standards.