Mother-in-Law Tries to Take Heirloom Crib and Co-opt Parenting of Granddaughter

It’s a tale as old as time — an overbearing mother-in-law — but this woman writes in about her sister-in-law (SIL) finally putting a stop to her mother’s outrageous behavior. Lola was their first grandchild and also the first baby the family was eager to meet after updating on her daughter. A beautiful heirloom crib made by the clever husband and father-in-law ready to go as a box to tick, to be passed on to all future grandchildren, beginning with baby Lola. But SIL’s mother, well that little lady goes by the moniker “Karen”.

Karen had the audacity to presume that she was going to co-parent Lola during the week, and started claiming family heirloom nursery furniture for her own home. Karen had an entire plan in mind where she take Lola after daycare and not give her back to her parents until the weekends; without making any plans with anyone by the way. Dilshad had become so flagrant in her lack of regard for boundaries that she pressured her daughter to formula feed, which probably was also to keep her secret life a secret. It was a deep reset with SIL laying down strong boundaries and reinforcing her role as Lola’s mom and taking her other half back.

When grandma decides she’s the baby’s new parent, you know things are about to get wild

One grandma tried to steal her granddaughter’s heirloom crib and raise her on her own, allowing her parents to take her home only on the weekends

The Role of Family Heirlooms in Parenting Dynamics

Family heirlooms also tend to be extremely sentimental, and represent family continuity, family history etc. This was a homemade crib, lovingly made and it became a bone of contention. To be fair, Psychology Today also writes that inheritance arguments tend to be about more than the objects, “speaking to core issues of control, entitlement and our place in the family.” After all, this is Karen, and trying to claim the crib to take it home is just her way of placing herself in a focal parenting role — regardless of what these parents want.

The Legal and Practical Implications of Unapproved Custody

There are many legal and ethical ramifications surrounding the fact Karen assumed she would be co-parenting Lola with her ex partner. Absent the situation where a grandparent has been given custodial grandparent visitation rights by either the parents or intervened by court either through neglect or abuse of the main custodians of the child, grandparents do not get custody or have rights to visitation in many jurisdictions. Services such as NOLO believe that because parents have the right to control access, SIL and her SO were correct to ensure Karen was no longer on the daycare list to pick up the child.

Moreover, the daycare fosters absolute transparency regarding custody decisions. Places often have a specific list of those allowed to pick up the child — a list that parents should update regularly for the child’s protection. That process would also prevent Karen from being overzealous.

Emotional Manipulation Through Parenting Advice

Just as Karen in knew how to manipulate his affections for the child, she could have been using formula feeding to make it easier on herself to take over. Formula feeding is a real and tangible thing many families do for many reasons, but it should not be used as a weapon to make a mother feel like less of a mother and that nipples are a step too far. Feeding decisions should come from the parents’ wishes and the child’s requirements and not from pressure, experts from The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) say. This interference by Karen is an example of how relatives can disguise their manipulation under the cover of sobering “advice”.

Developing the “Mama Bear” Backbone

The response from SIL is a vital first step in setting those boundaries. It is hard to defy a domineering parent as insistent as Karen. According to studies featured in the Journal of Family Psychology, assertiveness in parenting not only helps the mental well-being of the parents themselves, but also provides a more effective example for their children. Whatever happened with you, Lola will be raised in the knowledge that her parents were prepared to forgo lots of early days, sunshine on their arms, balls on the green in order to preserve her free Agency and all of those things.

Repercussions and Restored Boundaries

However, healthy relationships require boundaries and it sounds like Karen is limited in her access to Lola with supervised visits. Karen off daycare pickup list and babysitting banned teaches one obvious lesson: do whatever the parents say or else. Parenting Science points out that when child oversteps are dealt with immediately, it reduces the chances of them happening again, keeping the family relatively conflict-free as well.

Netizens were shocked by the grandma’s behavior, calling her delusional and applauding the woman for standing up to her

This tale of a pushy granny is a great example of why parents should not be afraid to defend their limits. SIL — ironically, since this was exactly what Karen criticized her for all those years ago — stood her ground and showed the world that the well-being of her daughter is at the forefront, even in the face of any bullying, because she had absolutely nothing to lose, whilst Karen could lose everything. Not only did this ensure Lola was safe and comfortable in the moment, but it also established a precedent for future interactions, making the Mama Bear backbone something that I believe every parent should possess.