Mom Expects MOH Duties Right After Birth—OP Says ‘No,’ Drama Ensues

OP is an expectant first-time mom who is preparing to welcome her baby anytime soon and she has already done more than enough for her sister’s wedding. Maid of Honor who bachelorette weekend organized while 8 months pregnant & coordinated all the bridesmaids At 39 weeks pregnant now, she is preparing to go on unpaid maternity leave, and is facing an unwelcome reality of having to go back to work before she is ready, because they cannot afford for her to stay off for any longer.

But no, OPs mom is still bringing wedding crafts for OP to work on post baby. But when OP argues that she will be recovering and breastfeeding and not sleeping, her response is that she is guilt tripping her, saying it is just “cutting out paper hearts” and other family members are helping. Wonders if OP is wrong for not helping with wedding stuff when adjusting to life with a newborn.

The postpartum period can be so draining, and every other thing just takes a back seat

The author was eight months pregnant but managed to perform all her maid of honor duties for her sister’s wedding planning

Postpartum Recovery, Family Expectations & Boundary-Setting

1. The Reality of Postpartum Recovery & Sleep Deprivation

OP’s mom has no clue how taxing those first weeks after giving birth are, both physically and mentally.

• While recovery after birth does murky post partum recovery is often 6-8 weeks recovery, possibly more with a c-section (source). A new mother coping with this, in the interim time.
  • Uterine contractions
  • Heavy bleeding (lochia)
  • Soreness, stitches, or C-section recovery
  • Hormonal fluctuations, increasing the risk of postpartum depression or anxiety (source).
• Newborn slumber is erratic, too: The little ones generally awaken every 2–3 hours to be fed, so most new parents find themselves getting only 2–3 hours of fragmented shut-eye per night — at most — during the first few weeks.

The idea that baby nap time = wedding craft time = life during the fourth trimester happening at the same time is mind-blowingly ignorant of how physically draining and challenging those early weeks are, OP’s mom.

2. The Expectation of ‘Supermom’ & Family Obligation

OP already done way more than enough for her sister wedding and being so heavily pregnant The idea that she should instantly go right back to doing those things after giving birth is part of the cultural expectation and pressure that is put on new moms to “bounce back” instantly — and this idea obviously isn’t unique to the Kardashians.

• New moms face a lot of guilt when they try to draw a line in the sand, and family members love to push the narrative that a new mom should be able to “handle it all” (source).
• It is not just an unrealistic expectation, it is also one that dismisses the postpartum period as an “inconvenience” rather than what it is — a major life transition and one where families need support, not more to-dos.

You cannot blame OP for getting frustrated, at the end of the day she was asked to just make wedding crafts instead of taking care of herself and her baby.

3. Setting Boundaries: Saying ‘No’ Without Guilt

To keep your sanity intact as a new parent, establishing strong boundaries—particularly with pushy family members—is essential.

• OP stated her requirements clearly and more than once, but her mom did not respect that, and attempted to guilt-trip her instead.
• In this case, this is where you want to respond with a firm, simple boundary:
  • Those will have to wait until I am out of the woods in terms of healing and am able to walk around again, freely and unassisted.” Come bring me the materials now if you want my help before baby, you have three fucking weeks.
  • And if her mom keeps trying to guilt trip OP: “But I’ve already helped a lot. Or: “Others can take over that from here.

One of the most recommendable skills for new parents, especially to avoid obnoxious relatives covering up your doorstep over and over again, is learning how to say no and use it without justification or apology (source).

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Netizens suggested that the author rethink her mother’s visit altogether, given her disregard for her daughter’s postpartum needs

OP was absolutely right to respond—she has done more than her share for her sister’s wedding, and in the end she will be recovering from childbirth (likely with the support of her husband).

If only OP’s mom understood how recovery from having a baby works and believed OP’s needs and care are more important than everyone else’s combined, and that doing so would not be a horrible crime against humanity. It is not selfish but vital for her health in the way that she sets firm boundaries.

Verdict: NOT the A-hole. Mom of OP, you need to realize that this is something you need to be supportive in and not putting additional demands.