My Fiancé’s Family Felt Too Nice

For OP (27F), meeting a partner’s family is always a significant moment, but the experience just felt exceptionally off. OP (woman, 27) recently got engaged to her boyfriend (31M) and had just met his family after four years of dating, two of which were spent with him stayin in OP’s homecountry. She had always told him his parents were private and old-fashioned, which was why they had not met until then. But arriving at their home, OP says she was smothered by what she referred to as love-bombing paired with interrogation.

But his mom was the worst — she kept hugging OP, rubbing against her, fretting over whether OP was comfortable, and even offering her some of her stuff. She made all of OP’s favorite meals, too, and was just so concerned with pleasing him that it started to seem a bit desperate. His father was nearly silent, which was also an odd juxtaposition. That discomfort moonbeamed into anxiety when the conversations morphed into what appeared to be his “job interview,” about her relationship history, desirability of marriage, and willingness to fight for a relationship. The pervading vibe made OP feel stifled, coupled with her fiancé being unusually quiet the entire visit and things became worse.

After a day or two, OP mentioned her discomfort to her fiancé, couched in terms of cultural adjustment rather than condemnation. But he quickly went onto the offensive himself, branding her “melodramatic, impolite and xenophobic.” He went radio silent after that, and she has been texting OP non-stop about how “beautiful” she is, and how she hopes they “don’t wait too long” to get married and pop out some kids.

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OP’s discomfort isn’t just about cultural differences; it seems like her gut is picking up on something deeper—possibly an unhealthy family dynamic, emotional enmeshment, or even subtle coercion. Let’s break it down.

1. Love-Bombing and Emotional Enmeshment

Love-bombing is a manipulative tactic often used to create emotional dependence. While OP’s future mother-in-law (FMIL) might not have malicious intent, her extreme eagerness to please, excessive physical affection, and persistent contact suggest an unhealthy level of emotional intensity. Asking OP about past relationships and how hard she “fought” for them is particularly concerning, as it implies a rigid expectation of endurance, possibly even in toxic situations.

Additionally, the fact that OP’s fiancé has barely spoken since the incident suggests he may be deeply enmeshed in his family’s dynamics. In enmeshed families, individuals are conditioned to prioritize the family’s emotional needs over their own autonomy. His silence and defensiveness could stem from years of conditioning to maintain family harmony at all costs.

2. The Fiancé’s Behavior: A Major Red Flag

OP’s fiancé’s reaction is troubling. Instead of acknowledging her feelings or engaging in a productive discussion, he shut down, accused her of xenophobia, and has now stonewalled her completely. This response is not typical of a healthy, communicative relationship—especially one that has supposedly prioritized honesty. If he refuses to have an open conversation now, what happens when bigger conflicts arise in the marriage?

Moreover, his lack of participation during the visit—combined with his mother’s dominance—raises the possibility that he has been conditioned to be passive in his family structure. This could mean he will always defer to his mother, even in decisions that should be between him and OP.

3. The Family’s Unrealistic Expectations

OP’s FMIL has already started pushing for marriage and children, despite only just meeting her. This urgency suggests the family may have rigid, traditional expectations about marriage, possibly seeing OP less as a person and more as a role to be filled—an obedient wife and future mother of their grandchildren.

While some families are just overly enthusiastic, the interrogation-style questioning about marriage, children, and past relationships combined with her fiancé’s silence suggests a pattern of control. OP’s fiancé may have been raised in a family where obedience and self-sacrifice were prioritized over personal boundaries.

Here’s what top commenters had to say about this one:

Sit down and talk with her fiancé. It is not sustainable for him to remain silent. OP has to lay it out that their relationship has to be based on open, honest communication.

Edit: His relationship with his family Can he establish limits with them? Is he ever going to put OP first or will he always choose mommy over you?

Consider couples therapy. If OP still wants to try and do this relationship, it may be worth getting counseling to help unpack these unhealthy dynamics.

Listen to her instincts. If OP is feeling this weird right now, marriage is not the solution to these problems, it just highlights them.

Look, at the end of the day, OP isn’t an asshole, she’s just in a troublesome scenario. The fact that her fiancé has been unwilling to resolve his family’s behavior toward her and his own unwillingness to stand up to his overbearing family is, frankly, an early warning sign that marrying into this family will mean that her wishes and boundaries will continue to be ignored after the wedding.” This might be at the point where you need to really reconsider this partnership.