"Neighbors Demand Candy After Ignoring Sint Maarten Rules

You are most definitely NOT the asshole here. Based upon your description, you complied with the Sint Maarten neighborhood rules to the best of your ability while still being a college student managing your own schedule. You were free from 6–7 PM, put out a candle as is the custom, and had candy ready for the children who came. And after that time has passed, the signal (the candle) was rightly extinguished and you again plunged into your busy life. Of course, your new neighbors have already been told about these guidelines via the group chat, and they still proceeded to break them and expect you to work around them a few hours later: Not cool. It is also inappropriate for them to spoil your evening (and perhaps others after you) and make you feel bad about your evening if they have not thought this through themselves.

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Cultural and Neighborhood Context

It is a much-loved tradition in the Netherlands, and the way the whole thing is organized in your neighborhood appears to be designed to keep a certain level of chaos at bay. With the help of the candle signal, and the limit of time, you can communicate with other households and participants in a clear way. These rules were shared time and again in a group chat with new neighbors who still moved in and ignored them. It demonstrates a laziness on their part integrating into local traditions.

On a community level, rules for events like these are in place to keep things fair and orderly for everyone. Your neighbors violated not just the timeline of the process you both agreed to but also, more significantly, the buffer of understanding between you.

The Parents’ Actions

The mom’s reasoning — that she missed her show and her husband was tied up with groceries — is, at most, flimsy. If taking part in Sint Maarten really mattered to her family, Alternative arrangements could have been implemented to have the kids come at the dedicated time. Plus them thinking you have to keep all this for their last-minute showing (and then expecting you to “find candy” at 9 PM!!) is entitlement.

The way she behaved in the group chat afterwards, trying to shame the entire neighbourhood as a group for her personal neglect, simply cements her unwillingness to accept responsibility. Such a reaction is usually just a form of deflection; instead of facing the truth, you try to shift it to someone else to avoid personal accountability.

Setting Boundaries

It was perfectly reasonable for you to be polite, yet firm when engaging in this interaction Like if someone asked you to come work for them and refused to pay you and said they’ll “expose” you if you don’t, than that’s the situation where you bring the boundaries. You already went above and beyond by providing fruit instead. You would have been completely justified to scoff and turn away, but that would be an unfair reaction, and it would lack respect for your time and personal obligations.

Moving On and The Code of Conduct [Community Etiquette]

Another oversight in what the neighbors expect is that people lead lives when not attending community events. As if you were the college deadlines and personal stress, I mean their behaviour was deferring all the more. Without a willingness to adhere to the norms the neighborhood, traditions thrive on mutual respect, they are upsetting the mutual regard that underlines that. But, with it being a public post, perhaps just reiterating the rules calmly will solve any confusion for future events to be had.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:

You’re NTA. You did what you were supposed to, you got ready in a reasonable time frame, and you were polite, even when it hurt you, and instead redirected the disgust at your landlord. Your mom sucks for poorly planning out her day and trying to guilt trip you when strangers are around. If they want their children to have fun with Sint Maarten, they will have to make sure they are there on time, like everybody else, in the years to come. If anything, you post responded to be ten times more composed than most people would! You’re NTA. You played by the rules, got your business in order on time, and even had the courtesy to sacrifice some of your convenience and comfort when necessary. Not your fault that mom chose poorly, is trying to guild you publicly, públicas needs should not outweigh you. But her kids, if they even wish to have anything to do with Sint Maarten down the line, will have to be there on time, same as everyone else. If anything, you dealt with it with twice the amount of patience than most people would have!