AITA for Not Hosting My Sister’s Husband?

OP (28F) is living a peaceful, minimalist life in her two-bedroom apartment, keeping to herself and is grounded by her daily routine. Well her older sister (30F) just recently married a guy (31M) that OP hardly knows. Soon after the civil wedding, the sister inquired if her and her new partner can stay at OP’s for “a couple of weeks.” OP initially agreed, thinking it would just be hosting a visit with her sis someone she loves and is comfortable around.

But then, trouble arose when the sister told them that her husband was coming too, and that they want a lot of OP’s life to change. These “adjustments” consisted of her moving things around in her home, restricting “quiet hours” during the day since the husband works from home, restricting OP’s music or social plans with friends, and relinquishing her space for hobbies — all to “accommodate” their relationship. OP struggled with the idea that the only way to give her in-laws a home to live in was to convert that home into an extended-stay guesthouse at exactly the terms set by someone else, and she simply said no. The sister came out swinging, berating OP as selfish and warning OP that she’d cut off visits altogether.

Now OP finds herself in a dilemma: if her normal human impulse to set up and protect her boundaries means being the bad guy that folds to her sister — is she the jerk for just wanting her peace of mind and own space?

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1. Boundaries and Autonomy

Experts in psychology, like Dr. Nedra Glover Tawwab (author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace), emphasize the importance of maintaining personal boundaries to protect mental health and personal autonomy. Family often assumes access or entitlement, but that doesn’t mean one’s home should become a shared space by default. Setting limits is not inherently selfish; it’s healthy, especially when new relationships (like a sibling’s spouse) are introduced.

2. Reasonable Expectations of a Host

Standard etiquette suggests that guests should adapt to their host’s home — not the other way around. According to Emily Post’s modern etiquette guidelines:

Guests should respect the host’s routine and home setup.
Extended stays require prior agreement on house rules.
Requests to restructure the host’s lifestyle (like mandating “quiet hours” or repurposing rooms) are unreasonable unless pre-negotiated.

Many people draw a line when “temporary” guests start behaving like tenants — especially if they disrupt the home environment.

3. Legal Precedent: Tenant Rights vs. Guest Rights

While this is a personal family conflict, it’s worth noting the legal difference between a guest and a tenant. In many U.S. states:

A guest cannot demand space or accommodations and doesn’t have occupancy rights.
If a stay extends too long or conditions like exclusive room use are imposed, it can blur lines, risking tenant-like claims (source: NOLO Legal Encyclopedia).

Though unlikely, allowing someone to treat a guest room as their own workspace for weeks could complicate matters if boundaries aren’t crystal clear. OP could be unintentionally creating an unsanctioned cohabitation scenario.

4. Case Studies: Family Overstaying Boundaries

This situation parallels multiple Reddit “AITA” threads where family members expected hosts to significantly change their homes:

Case A: A sister moved in temporarily and took over the living room as a workspace, leading to resentment.
Case B: A brother demanded pet restrictions while visiting, causing a rift. In each case, the majority ruled NTA — hosts aren’t obligated to surrender their space or lifestyle for guests, even if they’re family.

The internet did not hold back one bit.

The simple answer is OP is not the asshole, given the facts. Demanding lifestyle changes is overstepping, OP was generous to even visit on her terms. A relationship should never be built on coercion/guilt but on reciprocity.

If OP wishes to save her relationship she can offer alternatives: ✅ Reduce the visit time.

✅ Find a cheap Airbnb in the vicinity.

✅Always ELIMINATE boundaries before each visit.

At the end of the day, hosting does not mean losing your peace, and certainly not for weeks. You are not obligated to shoulder someone’s problem or her husband’s insecurities, say no peacefully.