Mom-to-be confronts pregnant friend over her constant complaining; ‘I’m drowning in her negativity.’ AITA?
At first, it was a sweet experience — two pregnant friends sharing the ins-and-outs of motherhood. Cassie (25F) and OP (29F) clicked straight away and were there for each other through the early days of their pregnancies until Cassie became a constant source of negativity in OP’s life. While it started off as a vent session for the two of us, eventually it became Cassie using OP as her own emotional garbage dump.
Cassie was also clearly very unhappy, and any attempts made by OP to sympathise or offer advice were completely brushed off. Even worse, Cassie lost any interest she ever had in OPs pregnancy, making the friendship feel even more one-sided. The last straw for OP was when, already feeling pressure because her date would come soon, she figured out that Cassie’s depressingness was not only annoying — but ruining her experience. Cassie venting to OP instead of her husband made OP snap. Since then Cassie, feeling wounded, has clammed up. OP thinks she’s in the right, but her husband says she should have been more understanding of Cassie as well.
Read for more info Reddit
Pregnancy is hard. No doubt, it takes a significant toll physically, and emotionally, and venting is a human way to cope. But, there’s a thin line between healthy support and emotional drain. If someone comes around only to vent and you take the time to listen, that is one-sided emotional labor.
Research on emotional support indicates that reciprocity strengthens relationships via mutual validation, while chronic complaining in the absence of active listening = resentment. OP had tried everything from sympathy to positivity and solutions, but Cassie was NOT looking for a conversation, she was looking to vent in one direction only. Such behavior, largely connected to co-rumination, increases stress rather helps relieve it.
Plus, there is true, real-life pregnancy-related anxiety, and having the barrage of horror stories focused on you can heighten your own fears. OP was not only managing her own discomfort but also taking on Cassie discomfort. OP also had the right idea about setting boundaries, which is also self-care during a very physically and emotionally draining time.
Reddit Comments:
Her husband thinks OP should have just put up with it since Cassie is probably having it much worse. It’s all well and good to be compassionate, but nobody is required to solely support another person emotionally crutch. Cassie has a husband and children and may have other friends who can carry some of the weight. It is unreasonable to expect OP — who is also several months pregnant — to take on all of Cassie’s stress with no reciprocal support.
So at the end of the day OP didn’t put Cassie down for faring poorly just laid her requirement about boundary when it became overwhelming. If Cassie cared about being friends with OP, she might have taken OPs feelings into account too. Friendships are supposed to be a back and forth, and Cassie had textbooks cross on the table made theirs a one-sided vent. OP is not the a-hole for wanting to center her own well-being, we are all human after all.
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