‘AITA for refusing to attend my BFF’s wedding after she replaced me as MOH because I’m ‘too fat?’

When your best friend Claire (28F) asked you to be her Maid of Honor, you were over the moon (27F). You poured out your soul (and wallet) making her day special, paying for her bridal shower, a weekend bachelorette trip, decorations, etc.—helping her run up thousands of dollars of expenses.

That all appeared to be okay until you revealed you were four months pregnant. A short time after that, Claire distanced herself and commented on how hard it was to work with “distracted” individuals. Then, in a devastating move, she pulled you aside and said she was taking you out of being MOH because you were “getting a little too large” and no longer matched the look of her wedding. She had said, this was not personal, this was about her “vision”.

Crushed, you told her you wouldn’t be going unless you were part of the wedding. Also submitted receipts and requested repayment, since you were acting as MOH when using the money. Claire went off on you, calling you selfish and saying that, “it’s so tacky to ask for the money back.” Ever since then, she, her fiancé and her family have been reaching out to you, saying you’re being dramatic and using pregnancy hormones as an excuse. And over here, your husband who cannot believe you would ever question what authority you have and demonstrating that with all enthusiasm, adamant that you did the best thing.

And now here you are, heartbroken and wondering if you crossed the line.

Read for more info Reddit

Your situation touches on both ethical and financial expectations in weddings, as well as the impact of body image standards in bridal culture.

1. Financial Responsibilities of a Maid of Honor

The general expectation is that a Maid of Honor covers some expenses (e.g., throwing the bridal shower, bachelorette party, or dress costs). However, this is an informal social expectation, not a contract. Many brides work within their MOH’s budget or help out with costs. The key issue here is you were removed from the role after already spending the money.

• Does Claire owe you reimbursement?
  While wedding etiquette suggests MOHs often cover some costs, it does not apply after being removed from the position. You made it clear that your spending was based on your role, which she unilaterally revoked. In this case, legally speaking, there is no obligation for reimbursement unless you can prove an explicit agreement (e.g., texts where she promised to pay).
• Is it “tacky” to ask for the money back?
  Social norms dictate that once you agree to spend money, you typically don’t expect it back. However, given that you were abruptly removed from the wedding for superficial reasons, it’s reasonable to feel you should not be financially burdened for an event you are no longer involved in.

2. The Issue of Aesthetic Obsession and Fatphobia in Weddings

Claire’s reasoning—removing you because you’re “too fat”—is deeply problematic. This reflects a toxic aspect of bridal culture, where brides prioritize an Instagrammable “aesthetic” over meaningful relationships.

• Bridal Culture & Image Standards:
  Many brides feel pressure to create a “perfect” wedding that aligns with a curated vision, often driven by social media. However, excluding a pregnant friend due to weight gain is not about aesthetics—it’s discrimination. This reinforces unrealistic body image standards and exclusionary beauty norms, making pregnancy or natural body changes seem “unacceptable.”
• Is It a Personal Attack?
  Claire claimed it wasn’t personal, but it absolutely is. Choosing aesthetics over friendship sends a clear message: she valued how you looked in photos more than your support. This goes beyond wedding stress and points to a lack of true friendship.

3. The Social Fallout and Gaslighting

Your former best friend and her family are now guilt-tripping you, blaming pregnancy hormones for your reaction. This is classic gaslighting—dismissing your valid emotions and making you question your reality.

• Would it have been better to stay quiet?
  No. If you had quietly stepped aside, Claire would have gotten away with treating you poorly, and you’d still be out thousands of dollars. By standing up for yourself, you set a boundary: friendship should be built on respect, not conditional appearances.

The commenters had a lot to say in response.

You’re absolutely NTA. You got pregnant, Claire dumped you without a second thought and expected you to suck it up financially. It is reasonable for you to claim reimbursement because you spent the money only as a function of your being MOH. The reason you’re facing backlash is because Claire and her family are trying to escape any repercussions.

Your husband was right, you did the right thing. True friends lift each other up by celebrating the milestones of life, not sweeping them under the carpet for that “perfect” wedding photo. Claire revealed her true colors, and while this sucks, perhaps it is better to know now, than to keep pouring your heart and soul into a one-sided friendship.