AITA for Accepting My Boyfriend’s Public Proposal and Then Rejecting It in Private?
Public proposals might be a fairy-tale moment or a out-of-the-blue nightmare. A 26-year-old woman revealed she felt ambushed when her three-year love went down on one knee at a party surrounded by his friends and family, despite her previously taking care to let him know she wasn’t ready for marriage.
Under the pressure of the crowd and not wanting to embarrass him, she responded YES in the moment. But in the privacy of the car ride home, she told him the truth: she just wasn’t ready for marriage yet. Her boyfriend was brokenhearted, calling her a “prick” for making it worse and now creating public fallout. Now, after friends and family offered their congratulations and the proposal went viral, she is questioning whether she did the right thing.
Most people hope their partner will say yes to their marriage proposal
This netizen only said yes trying to spare her boyfriend the embarrassment in the moment
Navigating Public Proposals and Relationship Boundaries
1. The Pressure of Public Proposals
Public proposals are seen as a zillion times more romantic, but they come with much greater risk—especially when one partner hasn’t firmly signaled willingness to get hitched. In a 2018 survey, YouGov found that 80% of people think a proposal should be discussed ahead of time, since the pressure of being in public can lead someone to feel they have to say yes.
The boyfriend ignores her earlier protestation about not being ready to marry. The proposal, in front of family and friends, placed her in an untenable situation: refuse and humiliate him, or accept and handle the consequences later?
2. The Decision to Say Yes in Public
She meant well, in that moment of saying yes. She probably thought it was kinder to not embarrass him right away with his failure. But the later ‘no’ is also reinforcing those hurt and betrayal “I have to go around tell everyone, this engagement isn’t real” feelings.
That is a tricky dynamic—her intention was to spare his feelings, but not telling him so immediately had a different kind of consequence.
3. Who Bears the Responsibility?
The boyfriend feels ashamed, but he set it up by proposing in public without warning or consideration of whether she felt ready. Public proposals can be a bit presumptuous, as they tend to assume a yes, and neglect the agency of the other.
Her reasoning for delaying her real answer was somewhat justified, but also may have been a contributing factor to the situati
- Boyfriend’s Role: Not respecting her prior boundaries about marriage.
- Her Role: Avoiding an immediate, honest response, which prolonged the issue.
4. Moving Forward: Damage Control and Communication
To navigate this challenging situation, both parties will need to take the following steps:
- Joint Announcement: They should work together to issue a clear, united message to family and friends, explaining that while they love each other, they’re not ready for marriage yet. This prevents rumors or assumptions about the breakup of the engagement.
- Private Conversation: They need an honest, judgment-free conversation to address their feelings and reassess their relationship goals.
- Reset Boundaries: Public proposals should be off the table unless both are fully aligned about marriage.
Fellow netizens didn’t think that rejecting the proposal in private made the woman a jerk
She is not the a-hole for being honest about how she felt, but such delayed rejection made things worse. If her boyfriend knows she is not ready for this step then why would you propose him publicly?
He said the best thing they could do now is to communicate with each other to see if they can work through the fallout of the allegations and figure out the best route to proceed for their relationship.
