AITA for not going to my sister’s wedding?

Original Poster (27F) has a younger sister, V (26F), who is planning a destination wedding in the Dominican Republic in 2026 and a local celebration. An Example:OP asked V about wedding plans, and V had already handpicked her bridal party — just like that, oh and OP was not part of it. That combined with V including C — V and OP’s ex-stepsister — on the original list, although C was more or less a non-entity in OP’s life in her childhood was a twist that seemed generally shocking and painful to OP.

OP is disappointed because her and V have always assumed that as full biological sisters that they would be attending each others weddings. While they were not always close, OP believed they had a strong enough base to assume she should be included in the bridal party. OP felt unwanted at the wedding because of childhood dynamics and past being sidelined/ feeling unwanted, and now the exclusion. Now she is thinking about whether she will go to it at all.

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Decisions & Boundaries for Your Bridal Party

Bridal party decisions are the bride’s to make, and though OP may feel hurt, it does make sense. V might have decided based on their relationships, how groups are formed, or just sheer logistical reasons. That in itself might not mean that she does not care about OP — but it does indicate a level of detachment OP could never have anticipated.

Removing Some of the Past Wounds of the Sibling Dynamics

And, these feelings are not only due to this event. The history with V and C indicates a long-standing pattern of not being noticed. If OP has always been an outcast in regards to family relations, then this exclusion is likely reopening old wounds not making new ones.

Going to the Wedding or Not?

If it is too painful, then OP is completely justified in not going to the wedding. But she needs to ask herself if not going would ruin her relationship permanently with V. There is more than one day in a lifetime of being a sister or a brother, and not being at the wedding may well render the next milestone less likely. Maybe OP can go but not participate fully as in setting boundaries about to be a guest and to not become emotionally connected?

Social & Cultural Expectations

It is commonplace for siblings to be in each other’s wedding parties, but not an actual rule that they must be. Often unless there’s major estrangement (and even then that’s a bit gray), people have the expectation siblings (especially biological) are a given, as long as they’re living. V’s rationale (not being close, different interests, etc.) indicates she views their relationship as platonic, but not really deeper than that – something OP will need to either accept or get over, painful as it is.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:

OP should not feel bad about being upset, and she should absolutely refuse the invite if going is going to be difficult. But the question should be whether the best long term move for the sibling relationship is to miss the wedding If OP actually cares about what sort of connection she and V have then she might take a minute and think about how V feels — in a low pressure situation, without demands, without accusations and such. If V continues to be uninterested, then backing off even more is probably the way to go for OP.