Controversial Stories From People Who Opened Their Relationships

Romantic relationships can be incredibly complicated. Entering a partnership means committing to loving and supporting one another as a couple, as each person grows individually, as well.

Learning to live and navigate life with one other person is challenging enough; adding another person or two into the romantic equation has the potential to produce an entirely new series of hurdles. Each individual must work to uplift their partners while ensuring their own needs and desires are also being met.

While some open partnerships navigate their love lives with ease, these Redditors found themselves at odds with their significant others after changing their dynamic. Do you side with the OP in these controversial open relationship stories?

Stories have been edited for length and clarity.

AITA For Suggesting An Open Marriage Since My Husband Won’t Have Sex And Begs Me To Not Divorce Him?

From Redditor u/Medium_Common9112:

My husband (48M) and I (46F) have been married for well over 20 years. Our youngest left the house 8 months ago, so it’s just us two left. I would have expected our sex life to get better. I don’t have a high sex drive, but once a week or twice a week is good with me.

I haven’t had sex for 6-7 months. I have spoken to my husband about this, but he usually doesn’t want to do any actual physical sexual activity. He asks me for a blowjob, but doesn’t want to give. Throughout our marriage, it was fine, but these last few months have just consisted of this. I have spoken to him multiple times about this, and the only thing he’s said is that he is tired or that he just doesn’t feel up for it. It ruined my self-esteem, I’m getting older, and I don’t look the same as I did years ago.

I finally got fed up about this. I was honest, and I told him that this is ruining my self-esteem and making me insecure about myself and my age, and he didn’t even care. He [said that] whenever everyone gets older, they don’t want to have sex much anymore and just switched the subject. After so many attempts of trying to speak to him about this and him just brushing it off, I brought up divorce. He begged me to not even bring it up, that he needs me in his life, that we have been together for this long and there’s no point of divorce. I told him that he can’t just leave me around with no intimacy and expect me to be fine with it?

I finally brought up the idea of an open marriage, and he immediately refused. He told me he couldn’t ever see me with another man. It was back and forth until I just gave up. I don’t know if I was a horrible person for even bringing this up, but I feel miserable here. AITA?

AITA For Taking My Kid Skating With My Partner Without Asking My Husband First?

From Redditor u/prettierpainted:

I’m (38F) married to (42M) with 3 kids. I also have a male partner (42) with no kids. My husband has a partner that has 4 kids herself. I took my kid skating last night with my partner, and husband is super upset about it. He says I’m replacing him in family functions. I’ve taken my kid skating many times, and [my] husband never joins – no biggie, it’s just not his thing. My partner is the one who suggested it with the kiddo, and I thought it sounded fun, so I agreed without running it by [my] husband.

This is the first time my partner would have hung out with my kid, and we’ve been together 1.5 years. He has met her briefly in passing. I honestly did not see an issue because our kid goes to [my] husband’s partner’s house with him for sleepovers and birthday parties. He has also taken his partner’s kids to concerts, without his GF (although the kids’ dad was there too). So I see no issue with an adult hanging with a kid that’s not theirs. Husband says it’s weird because my partner is kidless, but it’s normal for hubby to interact with the other kids because he’s a parent too. My partner was just thinking of a way to see me, even though I had the littlest kid this week (husband works nights, so away time is hard to schedule some weeks). I feel like [my] husband is holding me to some unfair double standards, but am I wrong? Should I not be allowed to spend time with my kid and my partner at the same time? Perspectives, please!

AITA For Asking My Wife For An Open Relationship After Two Years Without Sex?

From Redditor u/Youlookmywayoften:

It feels weird to type, but next year I will be 30. I have been married since I was 22. My wife is the same age.

Three years ago, she had just beaten cervical cancer. She had surgery, and she was a soldier throughout the whole process. I am very proud of her.

After the surgery, we didn’t have sex for obvious reasons, and I accepted that. However, she still gave me oral sex frequently. I would try to please her as best I could without hurting her, but it’s tough.

Eventually, her sex drive disappeared completely. She just did not want to be intimate anymore. This has been going on for two years. She will give me oral sex on my birthday or special occasions, but that’s it.

I am still very attracted to my wife. I love her very much. I do not want to give up sex for the rest of my life.

I have talked to her numerous, countless times, and she’s just not into it anymore. It’s not a pain thing but a desire thing.

I have been reading up on open relationships, basically just flings to satisfy my needs as a man while still living and loving my wife. She was not receptive of the idea at all to say the least.

Crying, yelling, you name it. She doesn’t understand why I’d even ask. Even after I explain. I want to grow old with her, but I don’t want to be old now and give up sex.

I don’t even know what I could’ve done different in this besides just shut up and be celibate forever.

AITA For Asking My Wife For An Open Relationship, Then Regretting It Afterwards?

From Redditor u/Weak-Blueberry9055:

So, a little background on our relationship – my wife and I have been together for about 10 years now, and things have been great for the most part. However, as time went on, I started to feel like I was missing out on certain experiences and wanted to explore what else was out there. I had read about open relationships and thought it might be a good solution for me.

I brought up the idea to my wife, and surprisingly, she was open to the idea. We set some ground rules and boundaries, and for a while, things were going well. I was able to explore different relationships and experiences, and my wife seemed happy for me.

But as time went on, I started to realize that what I thought I wanted wasn’t actually what I wanted at all. I missed the intimacy and connection that I had with my wife, and the idea of sharing that with someone else just didn’t feel right. I started to feel guilty for straying outside of our relationship and began to regret ever bringing up the idea of an open relationship.

I finally mustered up the courage to talk to my wife about my feelings, and to my surprise, she was understanding and supportive. We decided to close our relationship and work on rebuilding the trust and connection that we had lost.

Looking back, I can see now that I was selfish in asking for an open relationship without fully considering the consequences. I hurt my wife and put our relationship at risk all for my own selfish desires. I am now committed to making things right and showing my wife how much she truly means to me.

So, AITA for asking my wife for an open relationship and then regretting it later on? In hindsight, yes, I was. I learned the hard way that sometimes the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, and that true happiness lies in appreciating what you already have.

AITA For Not Saying I’m In An Open Relationship In My Tinder Bio?

From Redditor u/MargoJane:

I rarely go on Tinder, and when I do, it’s mostly just for sh*ts and giggles. I just like swiping through when I’m bored and almost never get a real conversation going. Recently, someone super liked me, and he seemed friendly, so I matched with him. We started talking about our common interests, etc.

Then he asked for my number, and it all got too real for me. Even though I’m in an open relationship, I’m not sure I’d be comfortable actually dating or hooking up with another person (my partner and I have kissed other people, but neither of us have gone further). I told my friend the situation, and she got all mad at me, saying I was leading people on by not being upfront about what I want in my profile, etc.

I told the guy my situation, and he said he wasn’t looking for anything in particular either, so I’m not sure why my friend thinks it’s such a big deal. I understand that Tinder is a dating app and people have certain expectations, but I don’t think I owe them my full story right off the bat. I wasn’t flirting with him or anything, I was just having a casual conversations, and I did tell him after a bit, so it’s not like I was really hiding anything. I feel like I shouldn’t be responsible for people’s assumptions, and matching with someone on Tinder doesn’t necessarily mean you’re definitely going to want to date/hook up with them, no matter what your situation is, so what’s the big deal? AITA?

AITA For Being Upset About My SO Using Our Open Relationship?

From Redditor u/yeetaway2319:

We’ve been in a relationship for a few years. It progressed very quickly within months of our first meeting. We agreed to an open relationship to be sure there was no weird feeling of lost opportunity due to our quick involvement. We do love each other very much and want a future together, but we both felt a certain stagnation and tension early on.

Recently, though, our relationship has been going really well; we haven’t had sex in a while. I’ve tried to initiate, but with little to no success. I don’t push too hard because I don’t want to be that person. I don’t resent my SO because they’re very available emotionally and physically affectionate in small ways. Just no sex.

I’ve had sex with others in this time. Including an ex that had been kind of an issue in the past. I did not mention this to my SO…

Here’s where it gets tricky. I found out that they started up a Tinder profile again without telling me, as well as had sex with someone within the past few weeks. It’s been months for us. I knew they had gone out and kind of guessed what happened and thought I was fine with it… and yet having it confirmed hurt a lot, considering how I’ve been trying to be more intimate, only to be shut down. It got me really upset and jealous.

I haven’t brought it up or shown signs that I know yet. I feel like I have no ground to stand on since it’s an open relationship, but also because of sleeping with my ex. But I still can’t help that it hurts, and I’m annoyed at their apparent choice to only seek other sexual partners. I’m 100% willing to get over myself if I have to, but I needed to confirm if I’m the stupid hypocrite I think I am.

AITA For Making An Open Relationship Ultimatum?

From Redditor u/openthrowaway9120:

I (28F) and my boyfriend (35M) have been “together” for six years. My friendship and sexual relationship started with him 6 years ago, but we have been officially dating for about 2 years. I want to put it out there that I do not consider myself a good partner. I have commitment and trust issues. I will also disclose that I suffer from depression and anxiety. I am on an SSRI and use other methods to try to manage it, but those issues will always exist. Despite all this, I really do love him. He’s been nothing but kind and considerate since I met him, and has been a positive force in my life.

From the moment we started talking, I told him how I felt about “traditional” relationships. I was not interested in having only one sexual partner and was not looking for a romantic/life partner. We did continue talking and having sex and he eventually became my #1 FWB. I would have sex with other people if I wanted to, and I would have been 100% okay with him doing the same. I need to have honesty and communication in a relationship, so I told him every time I slept with someone else. He never mentioned anyone to me.

He was starting to get restless in our arrangement. He’s older than me and has been ready to settle down for a while. For him, that would be marriage and kids. Neither of those things are in my life plan and I’ve also been very explicit with him about that. So it shocked me when he told me that he’s had been considering me his GF for years at that point and wanted that to be mutual. Once again, I love him. I don’t know if we love each other the same way, but I’ve never felt the way I feel about him with anyone else. When he officially asked me out, I had to remind him of what I want my future to look like. He said he loves me and he’s willing to forgo marriage and kids. Then I told him I want to keep our relationship open.

I don’t have enough characters to explain my feelings on monogamy, but the thought freaks me out. We talked about that point for a couple of days until I gave him an ultimatum. I told him that if he can’t accept the fact that I want to be able to have sex with other people, I couldn’t be in any type of relationship with him besides a friendship. He obviously agreed. But he hasn’t been himself around me for a couple of months now. I have a feeling that he thought I would eventually come around to his way of things. I know he gets a lot of flak from his very Catholic mom about getting married and having kids. I don’t want to lose him, but I more so don’t want him to be unhappy. My mental health has been deteriorating because I feel that I may have allowed a relationship to happen that never should have come together in the first place. I feel responsible for his unhappiness, but I know I can be too hard on myself. So, AITA for giving my BF an ultimatum when our relationship started in order to keep it open?

AITA For Getting Upset At My Boyfriend For Thinking I Want To Cheat Just Because I Suggested An Open Relationship?

From a former Redditor:

My boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) have been together for about two years, and things have been going well overall. We have a good relationship, and I love him, but lately, I’ve been feeling a bit restless. In terms of just SEX I don’t think I want to be limited to just one guy. If I’m being honest, at times I do miss the days when I was single, and I could flirt, kiss, and have sex with any guy I wanted. I don’t want to cheat, but I think it would be cool if our relationship could be more open, and both partners are free to see other people, but still stay committed to each other. I’ve read a lot about it, and it seems like it could be a healthy way to explore other connections while staying together.

I brought up the idea to my boyfriend. I tried to approach it carefully, explaining that it didn’t mean I loved him any less or wanted to be with someone else permanently. I just thought that maybe we could both benefit from some variety and that it could even make our relationship stronger. I emphasized that it would be completely mutual, and he’d have the same freedom to see other people, too.

But as soon as I brought it up, his mood completely changed. He got really quiet, and then he asked me if I was unhappy with him or if I had someone else in mind. I reassured him that wasn’t the case at all, but he still seemed really hurt. He said that he didn’t understand why I would want to be with other people if I truly loved him and that it felt like I was looking for an excuse to cheat on him.

This really upset me because, in my mind, suggesting an open relationship wasn’t about cheating; it was about being open and honest with each other. I told him that I didn’t appreciate him jumping to conclusions and that it hurt that he didn’t trust me enough to see this as a positive idea. He said that the whole concept made him feel like he wasn’t enough for me, and that maybe we weren’t on the same page about what we wanted in a relationship.

Since then, things have been awkward and tense. He’s been distant, and I’m frustrated because I feel like he completely misunderstood my intentions. I just wanted to have an honest conversation about something that’s been on my mind, but now it feels like he sees me as someone who’s looking to cheat. AITA?

AITA For Suggesting An Open Marriage, But Now Wanting To Close It?

From a former Redditor:

I (Jessica, 32F) am in a bit of a complicated situation and need some input on whether I might be in the wrong.

A year ago, I suggested to my husband, Mark (35M), that we consider having an open marriage. Our relationship had been feeling stale, and I thought it might be a way to bring some excitement back into our lives. Also, there would be no rules except we have to tell our partners we are in an open marriage, we could sleep at our partners’ houses, talk about our partners to each other, etc. Mark was hesitant but agreed to give it a try because he thought it might make me happier.

So, we opened our marriage, and I started dating other people. However, Mark didn’t pursue anyone else during that time and started to become more standoffish.

But then, one day while I was out, I ran into Mark at a cafe on a date with another woman, Susie (28F). She was stunningly beautiful, I’m not even exaggerating, this woman was pretty enough to be a model. I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy. I was also confused why he didn’t tell me about his date prior, but I didn’t ask. We all talked for a minute or so, and then they continued their date. I couldn’t get the thought of Susie and how pretty she was out of my mind. I didn’t tell Mark about my feelings though.

Months passed, and Mark continued to date Susie. He would talk about her all the time not a day went by without him mentioning her name or me seeing him smiling at his phone while texting someone and I ask who he’s texting and he says Susie. Sometimes I would come home to them cuddling on the couch and I could feel my heart breaking every time. I felt like I was losing my husband to her, I couldn’t shake my jealousy and insecurity, and it started to eat away at me. I realized I had made a mistake by suggesting an open marriage, and I wanted to close it and focus on us.

However, when I brought up the idea of closing our marriage, Mark was resistant. I told him how it was a mistake, and I didn’t know what I really had until he started dating Susie. He reminded me that it was my idea to open it in the first place and said if I didn’t want it anymore then I could leave. He was genuinely enjoying his time with her and didn’t want to end things.

I don’t want to lose Mark, but I also can’t bear the thought of him being with Susie. She’s so beautiful, and it seems like he truly loves her, and I can’t help but think he’ll leave me for her one day. I personally feel like if I don’t think the relationship should be open anymore, then this is considered cheating.

AITA For Asking My Wife For A Divorce Because I Don’t Want An Open Marriage Anymore?

From Redditor u/Hour-Disaster8918:

My wife and I have been together since we were in our late 20s. We never had a boring sex life by any means; we have always been active together, trying new things and doing exciting stuff.

When we were younger, I made mistakes. I cheated, hid flirting. I was caught, but sometimes I wasn’t caught. I’d stop, but I never came clean. But I did try to make up for that and never wanted to leave her.

Now in our 40s I had to be honest, I just was losing interest only sexually being with just one person. Even when we’re adventurous and active (having threesomes) it can still feel monotonous. I was looking around at all these other options I couldn’t have and feeling like I was losing out in experiences. It’s not that I don’t love my wife and want to stay together, but sexually I was craving more – men are designed that way. I’d get flirted with all the time, and I honestly just wanted to feel sexual and wanted.

My wife and I had a long talk about opening our relationship. She was not happy about it at first. But with my past cheating, I mentioned this was a great, safe, and honest way that we could have experiences without hurting each other. The first few months, she was in a constant depression about it, and it hurt. I went on a few dates and slept with one women but I never stayed out all night. I tried to go above and beyond with my wife to let her know she’s my one and only and the rest is just sex it’s not what we have.

But I did not expect our open relationship to be like this… After she stopped feeling bad for herself, she started putting herself out there. While I have to message 100 women just to get one reply, maybe she’s got hundreds of messages to pick and choose from. She could have dates every night. And the dates I’ve had, they’re young and fun and very hot, but they don’t hold a candle to the love and life we have. Whereas my wife is seeing these guys who make me feel incredibly insecure, and I feel like she picks them on purpose for a reaction. These men are making so much more than I, much more successful, who should be going for young hot bodies and not 44-year-old wives in open relationships. I thought she’d have some fun and then come back to us, but she’s getting trips to foreign locations, expensive gifts, and proclamations of love. These guys are fighting over each other for her time. And meanwhile, I’m getting weird looks for trying to give a waitress my number like I’m so undesirable to a minimum wage worker.

I told my wife that I wanted to close our marriage. This is not what I wanted when I opened it. I thought we’d have a few good times, but now she’s putting our marriage second to go meet other guys, and that’s not okay. My wife said some hurtful things, saying I only wanted that because I wasn’t as attractive and fit as the guys on the market, and didn’t have women fighting over me like I thought they would, which I guess is partly true. I expected to jump right out there and have so many options like she does. And honestly I know how society is to older women; I did not think I’d have to worry so much about her getting this much attention. I thought at most she’d see what’s out there and be grateful for our lives and she’d be the one asking to close the marriage, and it feels shameful to be the one having to begging her instead.

She left with one of her boyfriends, who is offering to get her a nice condo for a few weeks. Meanwhile, I can barely pay rent because she’s not contributing while she’s not here. I told her if she didn’t come home, I was going to file papers for divorce, but she never replied. Her phone’s been off, and it’s just killing me knowing she’s being cared for by this successful, handsome guy while I can’t even get a reply back, and I’m sitting here alone and sad. I’m her husband, I should come first. I never wanted a divorce, that’s why I opened this marriage, but now I think that’s the only way she’ll see how serious I am.