Controversial Stories From Reddit With Updates That Caused More Trouble
Disagreements are a part of life, but after tempers cool people might wonder if what they said and did in the heat of the moment was okay. Those people ask for an objective opinion on the AmItheA**hole subreddit page. Sometimes, those same Redditors offer updates about their stories later, letting the community know how things have evolved. In the best of times, those updates are about how, after talking with the other angry party, things have improved. In other cases, however, things have gotten worse.
From breaking up with a boyfriend over a cake to cutting off a friend due to their insecurities, there are many times where Reddit updates are much more troubling, surprising, and sad than the original post.
Stories have been edited for length and clarity.
1
AITA For Exposing My Parents’ Favoritism?
From Redditor u/Just-a-Big-Brother:
My parents have always favored my younger brother. I was by no means unloved. But it was blatantly obvious who they cared about more. I worked a part-time job to get my first car, but my brother got one as a present. It wasn’t new, but it was much newer than my car. It was the same with just about anything else, like clothes, video games, and cell phones.
I’m 18 and am taking a gap year before community college to work a full-time job and save money for tuition. But a while back, I heard my parents talking about how much they were going to pay for my brother’s tuition. I secretly recorded the conversation from around the corner and then came out asking my parents why they were gonna pay for my brother’s college, but not mine. They didn’t notice my phone was recording and just said that my brother needed more help. I asked how, so when I wasn’t getting any scholarship, and he likely wouldn’t either. Then I asked a few more questions about why things have always been this way. They got mad, and my father told me that perhaps it’s time I moved out because they are sick of keeping a roof over my head. I pointed out that I pay rent. But they didn’t care.
I left the room and, in a fit of rage, uploaded the video to two different social media accounts and ranted about how this is how my parents have always been. Well, a few hours later, my parents were pounding at my door. My dad was screaming at me about how I made them look bad. We fought some more, and they left the room fuming.
My grandparents contacted me later and said they were appalled. Then, they came to visit with a lot of the family the next day. There was a huge family intervention, and my parents were made to sit on the couch and look at their feet while being told off. It was then that I found out they’d been receiving money for years from my grandparents to help with family expenses. My brother looked like he didn’t know what to do. So he sided with the rest of the family and said he’s noticed how I’m treated as well. My parents gave me a huge apology that sounded forced.
My grandparents have offered that I come live with them soon and will cut off the monthly payments to my parents. My father told me I should never have told the rest of the family, and now won’t talk to me, and my mother has been crying for days. So I’m starting to wonder if I went too far. So AITA for exposing my parents’ favoritism?
I decided to go ahead and call my grandparents to accept their offer to move in. During the phone call, I asked them why there were monthly payments being sent to my parents. Turns out my parents were living beyond their means for a while because my mother quit her job to be a full-time stay-at-home mom.
My grandparents decided to help out by sending them money monthly to help with my parents’ mortgage and also to set aside some of that money for college savings for both my brother and me, which was to be split evenly. Turns out my parents only planned to put that savings towards my brother’s college. And that’s also how they bought his car. So, from now on, my parents are on their own financially. Likely, my mother will have to go back to work to help my dad keep up the mortgage.
I confronted my parents and asked why they’ve always treated my brother as the favorite. Then, I asked if there was something I needed to know. Turns out there was… NOTHING! Nothing! I’m not an affair baby. Not even an unplanned pregnancy! They just liked my brother more! I was mad as hell, and we argued a lot before I left the room because I’d had enough.
My grandparents showed up on Saturday with a moving truck. My parents were floored when we started bringing in boxes to pack. My father got in our way, and I reminded him how he said I should move out, so I am. My mother cried some more and said that my father was just angry at the moment when he said that, and they had been counting on my rent money to help with my brother’s college fund. I asked if that meant he would never have had to pay rent like I did when he turned 18. My father then said that since I was taking a gap year to work, my rent money could have helped my brother. Which means they never intended for him to get a job while going to college.
My grandpa was enraged and confronted my father, saying he raised him better than this. He chewed him out, saying he’s never been more disappointed in him, and they will no longer receive any more financial support. Then said he’d disown them both if they ever tried to retaliate against me for exposing them. My father backed down, and neither he nor my mother said another word to me. I had an awkward conversation with my brother as we said our goodbyes to each other. And that was it. I just got in my car, waved, and drove off.
I’m now fully moved into my new room at my grandparents’ house. It’s a little smaller, but nice. And my grandparents are very welcoming. I’m going to keep working hard to move forward from here, and I appreciate everyone’s support.
2
AITA For Telling My Dad That If He Didn’t ‘Shape Up,’ My Mom Was Going To Leave Him?
From Redditor u/imightcauseadivorce:
For context, I am a 16-year-old girl, and my dad is a 57-year-old man. I love my parents, and I am so grateful for all the things they do to provide for me. However, my dad has always had a bit of a strange relationship. He is not very good at communicating, and sometimes it feels like I can’t talk to him about anything.
This does bother me, but the real issue in our house is that my mom does EVERYTHING. Every day she makes dinner, does the dishes, laundry, etc. On top of this, she recently started remotely working full-time again, AND she is currently going back to college to get her master’s degree.
I do everything I can to help her out, but I can only do so much. My dad works full-time, and that’s it. He never does any chores or helps around the house. He works a labor-heavy job, and I understand it’s tiring, but he could at least bathe our dog or make dinner for himself or something. Both my mom and I have said many times that we want him to help around the house, and he always says he will, but he never does anything. He did the dishes a couple of times, but he didn’t do it thoroughly enough, and there was still food on them, so my mom had to rewash them.
I’ve honestly gotten tired of this, as it’s been going on for years. Well, here is where I might be the a**hole. This happened three days ago. My mom was in class that night, so she hadn’t gotten an opportunity to do the laundry yet, and there was a basket of dirty clothes in my parents’ room. My dad offhandedly remarked, “Gee, there sure are a lot of dirty clothes lying around.” This made me annoyed. I told him that he was a grown man and if he wanted clean clothes, he could do a load of laundry himself. My dad looked surprised at this and told me to calm down. I tend to speak harshly to people when I’m irritated, and this was unfortunately one of those moments. So I told him, “I swear to God, if you don’t shape up and start doing some actual work around here, Mom is gonna want a divorce.”
I knew immediately I shouldn’t have said it, and he left the room looking angry. Not sure if it’s relevant, but he has been married 2 times before my Mom.
I told my mom about this, and she says that while he should do more work, what I said was mean, and the divorce comment was completely unnecessary. When my dad got home from work the next day, I tried to apologize, but he completely ignored me and just went outside.
It’s been three days and he hasn’t said a word to me, even though I’ve tried to say sorry multiple times. My house is now really tense since my dad is also mad at my mom because he thinks she wants to get a divorce. I feel horrible, but honestly, deep down, I still agree with the comment I said to him. So, AITA?
First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone on my post who commented about their opinions on why I was or wasn’t an a**hole. Everyone was very kind, and you all gave great feedback. The verdict on my post ended up being not the a**hole, though a lot of people said it wasn’t my place to speak on behalf of my mom like that. After thinking about it, I agree. My dad was being a jerk, but I really shouldn’t have put words in my mom’s mouth.
Now, for the update. About two days after I had posted on here, my parents sat me down and said they wanted to talk. I was prepared to get a lecture about how what I said was out of line, but that’s not what happened. The reason my dad got so upset at the comment I made was that it hit a little too close to home.
It turns out that my dad has been cheating on my mom for about a year with one of his co-workers, and my mom found out a few months ago. The reason she went back to work was that she needed financial independence to get divorced. They said they hadn’t been planning on telling me, but my dad decided I was mature enough to know the truth and that I deserved to know. They said they would probably be separated by the end of the year.
This situation was completely out of left field, to be honest, because while my dad might not have been the best at doing the dishes, I never thought he would have an affair.
My dad has talked to me about how he was so sorry for what he’s been doing, and that he hoped I didn’t view him differently. I’ve tried to be kind and not say any more unnecessary comments, but I did let him know that I was disappointed in him.
I needed to get out of the house, so I’ve been staying with my friend for the past couple of days and processing everything.
So, while what I said to him might’ve been sh*tty, it resulted in me finding the truth about what was going on, so I’m kind of glad. I’m sorry that this update isn’t the happiest, but overall, I am doing okay. And thank you again to everyone who commented on my first post, I appreciate it a lot.
3
AITA For Refusing To Go To My Sister’s Wedding After Finding Out Only Our Side Of The Family Was Having To Pay To Attend?
From Redditor u/One_Change4503:
So my younger sister (Katie, 28F) and her partner (Chris, 29M) are getting married in April in Dubai. She has always wanted an extravagant wedding and is going all out on this, so the wedding is happening over 4 days. There are 70 guests, but they want us (my husband, parents, and I) to stay in the same hotel with them, along with her bridesmaids (who I am MOH) and groomsmen – the hotel is pretty luxurious, so with flights it is costing us just over £2,900 each. Chris’s family is also staying in the hotel, which includes his parents, two brothers, and his nephew. They are well off. I don’t know exactly how much they earn combined, but I know Katie is on 88k, and she is the lower earner.
About 6 months ago, Chris and Katie came to us and asked to borrow 17k more. They stressed it would be a loan paid over time and said the venue had increased the price, Dubai law was different, blah blah blah… Either they paid this money or they lost the lot. We believed them, and I offered to loan 7k, and my parents the other 10k.
So long story short: I have since found out through someone else that the 17k wasn’t for the venue, it was for Chris’s family to fly over there. They saw how much it was going to be, didn’t want to pay, and refused to go. I asked Katie, and she confirmed, so my first question was if they were paying for his parents, why not pay for ours? (I would never expect them to pay for me, even if we couldn’t afford it, I’d have wished them well and stayed at home.) And her answer was, “Because they can afford it.” She got very defensive and said this was the fairest way she could think of doing it. It’s hard enough planning a wedding, etc, but when I asked if she genuinely thought this was the fairest way to do it, why did she lie about what the 17k was for and say it was a venue issue? She couldn’t answer.
My parents are aware and are very disappointed that they lied, but they have said they’re still attending, but I have backed out. To me, it feels like my parents are being taken advantage of, and if they couldn’t afford to pay for both our parents and Chris’s parents and his brothers and nephew, then they shouldn’t have just paid for the 4 parents or no one at all. And they especially shouldn’t have lied about it.
Katie and Chris keep calling and asking me to attend, saying I’m making them feel bad and ruining their day. But the whole thing just feels… icky to me. I’m genuinely an open book, so it would be brutal. Am I being an AH here? Should I just suck it up and go?
Edit: That’s a lot of comments haha – thanks so much, everyone. Just wanted to answer a couple of questions/comments that have come up a lot.
The repayment: my husband’s brother is a solicitor and he kindly drew up a contract and repayment plan for both me and my parents, so the money will be paid off within 12 months of the wedding. If they don’t stick to this, I have access to a free solicitor, haha. I hope it wouldn’t come to that, but that’s why I have the papers for the worst-case scenario.
Asking for the 7K back – I might be a soft touch, but asking for this back feels like a step too far. Like, I’m mad as hell but not enough to actively try to ruin their wedding a few weeks before, which it feels like (right now at least) is what that would be doing. But hey, give me a few more days to stew.
Edit 2: Thanks again for all the feedback, everyone. Just another quick FYI – a few people have asked about Chris’s family, or seem to have the impression they’re well off. I’m not privy to their financial situation, but from the limited amount I do know from what Katie has said, Chris and his family grew up very poor.
Before all this, I’d always thought Chris was a lovely guy, but I had caught him in the odd but harmless white lie (things like where he went to school, the type of house he grew up in, etc.). I get the impression he is embarrassed or resentful of his upbringing, given their lack of money, and this is how he now values his self-worth, by the amount of money he has.
I guess that when his family said they couldn’t go, he panicked and worried people who asked why they weren’t there, and he would either have to say they couldn’t afford it or that he couldn’t afford to pay for them. And look, his past trauma/experience is not for me to judge, but if that were the case, it just makes me more mad that they both didn’t plan and talk to friends/family about what they could afford BEFORE booking Dubai.
If it was such a dealbreaker for his family to be there, they should have factored in the cost of paying for all parents to attend instead of thrusting a $3k per person bill at them and expecting them to rock up.
I had a lot of messages at the time of posting, asking for an update on what I decided to do, so I wanted to check in.
So, in short, I didn’t end up going to the wedding. Katie and Chris harassed me constantly until few days before they were due to fly out I received a belligerent voicemail from Katie saying if I didn’t go I wasn’t her sister any more, I was embarrassing myself and her and Chris, I was a horrible person, and most shockingly if I didn’t go then her and Chris wouldn’t be paying me OR my parents back for the money we loaned (so trying to blackmail me). She would say it was a gift, I faked the contract, and I would have to take her to court.
She was drunk at the time (the voicemail was left on the night she was having her “at home” hen do, which I also obviously didn’t attend), but it was so beyond anything I thought she was capable of. I ended up sharing it with my parents, and they also reluctantly pulled out of attending.
I heard through friends and family in attendance at the wedding after her and Chris were telling everyone I had alienated her from her family and told lies to our parents, we gifted money and expected them to pay for us, etc, etc, and they decided to uninvite me and my husband… Other, more insulting things were said that I don’t particularly want to go into. Suffice it to say, they were very hurtful.
As I mentioned in my post, I had my brother-in-law (solicitor) draw up a contract for repayment for both myself and my parents. What was supposed to be the first repayment date passed without word from either of them, so BIL picked up from there.
His attempts to reach them were ignored, apart from 1 email from what I think was a fake law firm, outlining that the money was “gifted,” the contract was fraudulent, and to take them to court basically. In response, BIL sent a copy of the voicemail Katie left and a final demand outlining that the payment plan was now null and void, and we wanted the money in full within 30 days, or we would indeed be going to court. Magically, the full amount appeared in our accounts 5 days later.
Again, I’ve heard on the grapevine since the wedding, they have been telling anyone who would listen we asked for our “gift” back out of the blue and disowned them, and how much of a difficult financial position they are in because of this.
So that’s that… I can’t see myself having a relationship with her after this, which is devastating, but at the same time, I truly believe now, after everything that has happened, that isn’t my fault.
Thanks again to everyone who gave advice. I hope this update is enough for everyone who asked for one 🙂
4
AITA For Getting My Cousin Fired After She Used My Portfolio To Get The Job?
From Redditor u/throwaway_catty:
So I (16F) have recently began applying for internships and jobs to spice up my resume. I have a strong passion for graphic design and visual effects. In the past, I have designed YouTube banners for many well-known people, edited their videos, and more. All of my work is watermarked with my name unless it’s commissioned.
My cousin (23F), who has been very close to me since I was young, has had a lot of trouble finding a job. She is also pursuing the same field.
One day, my cousin asked to see my portfolio with all my projects. Since we were so close, I didn’t give it a second thought and sent her everything. My portfolio contains my best work. Keep in mind that it was watermarked with my name and socials in the bottom left corner.
A few weeks went by, and my cousin hadn’t found a job. Every once in a while, she comes and visits us and asks my parents questions (since her parents are out of state) about applying for jobs. She showed them her portfolio, resume, etc. When she let me see it, I was shocked. She had put all of my designs into her portfolio, but all she did was cover my watermark with an ugly black bar with her name on top. She asked, beaming, if I thought it was nice. I didn’t want to embarrass her and cause a scene, so I just nodded.
The following week, our entire extended family visited for a dinner. My cousin told everyone that she finally landed a job, a rather well-paying one for a graphic designer. She went on and on talking about how the interviewer mentioned that he was very impressed with her work. I wasn’t exactly comfortable through all this, knowing she had stolen my work, but I kept my composure. The issue happened when my family started telling me to be more like my cousin and not “laze around.” I lost it.
I started yelling at my family and cousin about how she had stolen my work, and that all she knew how to do was add a black bar and type her name out. I called her untalented enough that she felt the need to steal from a 16-year-old. My family was shocked.
My cousin started crying and yelling that she had no idea what I was talking about. So I pulled up the messages she sent me asking for my portfolio. However, my parents didn’t believe me and said that if I was telling the truth, why did I wait so long to say something?
Even after explaining the entire situation to everyone, I was not trusted. And now my whole family is against me for causing a scene and making my cousin cry when we were supposed to be celebrating.
Thank you for the support in my last post. I know many of you requested an update, and I promised one. A lot has happened over the last few days, so let me know if I need to clarify anything.
After I wrote my first post, I felt ready to talk to my parents again about what happened, and I showed them proof that my portfolio designs were mine. They apologized to me for blaming me and called my cousin and aunt/uncle, telling her that her actions were wrong. That was all they did.
I took the advice I was given in my last post and emailed my (16F) cousin’s (23F) employer. I provided progress photos/videos, layer screenshots, history, etc. To sum it up, they apologized that this happened to me and informed me that my cousin would be fired. I was not invited to fill in her spot or anything of the sort, since I’m looking for an internship rather than a full-time job.
This morning, my cousin turned up at my house and started yelling profanities at me and crying (side note: to my knowledge, my identity should have been concealed when the employer told my cousin she was fired, but I’m guessing she just connected the dots). She told my parents what I had done, and they were angry at me. Even though I had proved that the art and designs were mine, they immediately started berating me for going so far as to get her fired.
My parents have never exactly been “supportive” of my graphic design and editing hobbies, but they LOVE taking advantage of them. I have edited videos for my mom in the past, to which she claims I price too high (I charge $15/hr, which is less than minimum wage where I’m from), and put together some things for my dad (who has never really been happy with me picking design for a hobby. He wanted me to do something “useful” like coding).
A massive argument broke out, my aunt and uncle came to the house as well, and I was just crying. My cousin, parents, and aunt/uncle were yelling at me for getting my cousin fired. They ALL knew that the portfolio wasn’t hers, but they didn’t believe it was justifiable to have her lose a job she “worked so hard for.” A part of me thinks that they’re defending my cousin because she’s older and “more mature” in their eyes.
I’m pretty sensitive to arguments, so I didn’t want to be around anymore. I called a friend’s mom, and she picked me up. I have explained the entire situation to her and my friend, and they are letting me stay over for a bit until my mom and dad decide to pick me up.
My friend’s mom said she would talk to them and explain why my cousin is the only person in the wrong right now. I just hope this blows over quickly and that I can find an internship somewhere.
5
AITA For Leaving The Airport When I Saw My MIL Standing There With Her Luggage?
From Redditor u/RoadIsland123:
I (30F) don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom. Since day one, she tried to make remarks and compare me to her?? She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I did. Sometimes even copying me, like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine. When everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.
So, anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to visit some places out of the country – tourism, in other words. The thing is, I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband booked the tickets).
My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk me into letting her come, and even threatened to call the police and make some complaint to get us to stay if she couldn’t come. My husband said we should just take her, but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatum and said he wouldn’t go if she couldn’t come, and I told him I’d gladly call his bluff, which made him take his words back and say, “FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her.”
Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter. The day of the trip came, and we got to the airport at 2 pm. My husband was walking ahead of me, looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him, but he didn’t respond. He led me to the waiting area, and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage. I froze in my spot. I felt a cold wave washing over me, and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging when I quietly turned around and started walking toward the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. He tried to stop me, but I told him in the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there “anyway” and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.
I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes. It turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. An hour later, he came home, yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. He said I was being so hard on his mom that it was ridiculous. I refused to fight anymore, but he kept on berating me and then called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy it.
Did I overreact?
I don’t know where to begin… It’s been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.
So, for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband’s mom favors him over all his siblings. This affected his relationship with them and me as well. He’s never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, but it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going low contact has never even been an option. He has to see her or call her every day.
Most of his siblings don’t talk to him, and I 100% believe it’s because of his mom’s favoritism. He does bear some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day.
In many instances, I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaneously, and I don’t know why. But I guess it’s because of how much I love him and because I wanted to be able to work things out without letting them affect our marriage.
Regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to talk with me, and most of what he said came from a place of blame, blame towards me. I just couldn’t continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn’t take it well, he got up from the couch and opened the door, telling me to go right then.
In that moment, and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he had done, just… made things clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that, and I was like, no… I can’t do it. I can’t take any more of it, especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I’m always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.
All these people’s opinions, advice, and concerns were like a spark… Like the wake-up call I needed. Though I wish that it didn’t get this far, but what’s done is done.
Right now I’m staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well). He sent me his last message telling me I’m the one choosing to end what we had together, but I believe it’s the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It’s become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in sight, and I’m just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m not mad at him and don’t expect him to change, but… at least I’m given options to decide what’s best for me and my future, even if it’s separation and divorce.
A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very, very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.
6
AITA For Not Accepting My Sister’s Relationship With My Ex Despite Her Having Cancer As A Teenager?
From Redditor u/Lost_Papaya9278:
My (25F) father married my step-sister’s (23F) mother when I was 4 and she was 3. We’ve lived together most of our lives and are a family. She and I were extremely close.
She developed cancer when she was 14 and was sick for about 2 years. She’s since made a full recovery. During that time, my parents became understandably overprotective. They also asked a lot of me. I quit my extracurriculars so I could get a job (the money went towards her medical bills) and so I could drive her to appointments. I didn’t go to dances, and any fun activities I did need to include her. I did almost all of this willingly, the exception being having to quit my high school volleyball team. I did throw a bit of a tantrum about that, but was swiftly punished. And I think having one emotional breakdown was pretty chill given the circumstances.
Anyhow, I go to college and meet my ex, we’ll call him Ben, when I’m a junior. We fall in love, blah blah blah. He and I moved in together when we graduated, so we’ve been living together for about 3 years. We were serious until July, when I walked into my bedroom and saw him f*cking my sister.
I broke it off, tears were shed, he moved out, etc. My sister apologized at first, but then backed off. I thought she was giving me space, but last week she called and asked if we could meet up. She told me that she and Ben were in love and were just telling me as a courtesy before they started posting photos online. Distraught, I left her in the restaurant by herself and did not pay my portion of the bill. She later Venmoed me asking for the money.
She told my parents, who then called me to their house, telling me how disappointed they are in me for not supporting my sister’s relationship with Ben. They brought up the fact that because she had cancer as a teenager, she never learned proper social etiquette, and has a hard time meeting people. I don’t buy this, in part because I’ve seen her socialize just fine, and since we spent a good chunk of the time she was sick together, that would also mean that I should have bad social skills, by that logic.
They then told me that if I don’t accept my sister and Ben’s relationship, they may have to go on no contact with me. I reminded them that I’m also their daughter and they should understand my point of view, but they are adamant that this is about me being jealous of her.
For the record: I’m not jealous of her. I’m not upset that Ben picked her over me. I’m sad about the end of the relationship and do feel betrayed, but lord knows that I don’t want to be with a cheater. What I’m upset about is the fact that my sister chose Ben over me. That she slept with Ben, knowing he and I were in a long-term, committed relationship, and continues to be with him, knowing how much it hurts me.
Now, no one in my immediate family is talking to me, and I’m getting messages from aunts and uncles and cousins telling me that I’m an a**hole and a selfish b*tch.
ETA: Sometimes you can only laugh. Just got off the phone with my cousin, who saw this post and said he could explain a few things. I asked him why he was on Reddit instead of school, he asked me why I was on Reddit instead of work, and I said touché. He told me that after my conversation with my mom, she went to his house and talked to my aunt. And here’s the deal:
Turns out my sister is not only in a relationship with Ben but FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT. Which means she and Ben were f*cking for longer than I had even guessed. My parents are so adamant that I forgive her because I’m already ruining their experience of their first grandchild. That’s right, I’m less important than my stepmom posting ultrasounds to Facebook. This is where we’re at.
Anyhow, I called out of work sick the rest of the day, and I’m going to drink a lot of alcohol. Like, a lot of alcohol. And then start thinking about what the f*ck I’m going to do.
I was asked for an update, and thus, here I am. Two things to clarify before I update:
I didn’t have a sh*tty childhood. The favoritism started when my sister was diagnosed. I moved out soon after and have been pretty independent since then. Not saying that how my parents treated me during those years was a-ok, but I wasn’t Cinderella.
I did not drink myself into oblivion. I had two white wine spritzers. But I appreciate the concern from folks!
Anyhow, the update:
I got in touch with my sister and asked her to meet up again at a park (no bill involved). I asked her if she was pregnant, and she told me the truth. She said she wanted us to still be in each other’s lives and that she wanted me to be in her baby’s life.
A Redditor (I forget who, I’m sorry) mentioned that she may ask me to be the godmother, and that person was correct. But as many of you pointed out, if I didn’t cut her off, I’d just become her bank and daycare employee. So I told her I could no longer be in her life. And I left her crying on a park bench and felt like the sh*ttiest person in the world.
I emailed my parents and told them how betrayed I felt and that I’d be cutting off contact with them. To my stepmom’s credit, she apologized. She explained that she never thought my sister would live to have kids and that she let her emotions over that get the better of her. Understandable. My dad said nothing, which is honestly what sucked the worst about all of this.
Ben tried messaging me from a burner account for the first time since the break-up, but I blocked him without reading it.
I didn’t go nuclear and post the story to Facebook as some suggested, but I sent an email to the extended family members whom I care about. I explained the situation and how I’d be distancing myself from my family. Some have made it an us-versus-them situation, and as much as I appreciate the support, feeling like I’m in some valiant battle makes me more tired. So I haven’t been talking to anyone in my family. I feel lonely and crappy, but I think I made the right decision.
Anyhow, not the most exciting update in the world, but hopefully everyone knows that I’m not dead. I do appreciate the support I’ve gotten. It made me smile during a sh*tty time.
And hey, if anyone in the greater Boston area wants an extra guest at Thanksgiving, lemme know.
7
AITA For Telling My Sister That She Shouldn’t Overvalue Herself And Prepare For The Worst?
From Redditor u/Popular-Valuable-243:
I (21F) have an older sister “Eve” (29F) who had her first child, “Lori” (1F), and while this should be a time of joy and excitement, there’s a lot of tension and brewing resentment between her, our mom, and her husband “Jack” (29M).
Despite it being unplanned, Eve’s pregnancy was wanted, and Jack was an involved partner. He went to most of Eve’s appointments, took the birthing classes, and supported Eve’s decision to just have our mom in the room while he wanted to be outside when she gave birth.
The plan was for our mom to be by Eve’s side in the room and to stay for a week after Lori was born. Everyone was cool with this, but unfortunately, our aunt got into some drama with her husband in another state, and our mom rushed over to be at her sister’s side. Eve was already in her 3rd trimester, so Jack didn’t like the idea of our mom going and voiced it. Our mom tore Jack a new one, and Eve even got on his case about it, so he apologized. However, Eve ended up going into labor, and Jack ultimately was the one in the room while our mom was away.
When she called, our mom expressed being sad over not being there for the birth of her first grandchild, and she and Eve decided that no one else in the family would see Lori until she got back. Without discussing it with Jack. He was understandably not happy as his mom lived about 45 minutes away and was looking forward to meeting Lori, too, as she was the first grandchild on both sides.
Eve pulled the “I just gave birth” card, and Jack reluctantly allowed it. On the day our mom was supposed to come back, she missed her flight and couldn’t get a new one until the following morning. Our mom could’ve just rented a car, but she didn’t want to spend the money since the airline wouldn’t refund the money.
Jack asked if his mom could come, but Eve refused, citing that he had already agreed. Unfortunately, Jack’s mom was in a car accident and passed before ever getting to meet Lori, since Eve wouldn’t even allow a video chat. Jack was distraught; he moved to the guest bedroom, went to the funeral alone, and refused to engage with Eve at all.
Jack’s side of the family keeps calling and messaging Eve to tell her what a selfish and awful person she is, and Jack refuses to defend her. Eventually, Eve got sick of it and packed up and left for our mom’s house to “teach Jack a lesson,” but he hasn’t texted or called. Our mom thinks that he just needs some space and that he’ll call soon, but I just laughed at that. Didn’t mean to, though.
My mom and Eve asked me why I laughed, and I tried to brush it off or even leave, but they couldn’t let me and pressed for an answer. Eventually, I told her that while the accident wasn’t her fault, she did keep Lori away from Jack’s mom meeting her for a week, and now she never will. I told her, “There’s no way Jack is going to ever love you enough to forgive that, and you should prepare for the worst.” Eve started to bawl her eyes out while Mom berated me, so I left. AITA?
Edit: Just to clarify, because I keep seeing this when the accident first happened, Eve has apologized three separate times (Jack has admitted to this), and Eve intended to go to the funeral with him, but he drove off without her. Jack does interact with Lori; it’s Eve that he’s icing out, and my niece is the only thing he’s willing to talk to Eve about. Jack had been living in the guest room for 5 months before Eve left. She’s offered to go to couples counseling, but Jack has refused.
It’s been a couple of weeks, and due to people still occasionally asking I thought I’d give people some quick updates on the situation. Here are the basic bullet points:
– My sister has now been officially diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, and that is the trump card/Hail Mary of the situation.
– My sister and her husband are living together again and in couples therapy.
– My sister is in individual counseling.
– My niece has now been officially introduced to a few members of her paternal side, and they all love her.
– Jack’s family has ceased their negative comments about my sister, but she says that they’re still pretty formal and distant towards her. I honestly don’t know if she’ll ever be in their good graces again and will only put up with her for my BIL and niece’s sake.
– My niece’s name, first and middle, is going to be legally changed to whatever Jack wants.
– For the next five years, BIL’s side of the family is getting priority when it comes to any holidays.
– My mom will be on a strict info diet when it comes to the baby. No pictures unless Jack approves.
This is all I know for right now, and my mom is NOT happy with any of this and is calling Jack a controlling AH, but my sister is holding firm to save her marriage. She claims that BIL and she are making progress in counseling, and I hope for her sake that it’s true. It’s gonna suck not being able to see my niece as much as I wanted for the next possible few years, but compared to never being able to see her at all (like Jack’s mom), it is what it is. I know a lot of you may not be happy with this update, but it is what it is for now.
8
AITA For Refusing To Go To My Friend’s Boyfriend’s Party After She Demanded To Approve My Outfit?
From a former Redditor:
My (29F) friend Kate (28) has a boyfriend, Jamie (29), whom she has been with for nearly 3 years. We met Jamie on a night out, and I would say that although he’s Kate’s boyfriend, I consider him a friend. We share an interest in a particular sport that we text about sometimes, and if I have a spare hospitality ticket to one of the sporting fixtures, I will sometimes invite Jamie to go.
Jamie’s 30th is coming up, and Jamie and Kate have planned a big party. I peripherally helped out with logistics when asked. A few days ago, Kate texted me. She asked if I wouldn’t mind “toning down” my look for the party, and if I could send her a picture of what I was planning to wear. I asked her what this meant, and after asking several times if she “really had to say it,” she asked if I could dress (verbatim) “basically what [I] would consider frumpy” because she didn’t want to be outshone at her own boyfriend’s birthday party.
When I didn’t reply right away, she went on to say that she wanted Jamie’s full attention that night, which she wouldn’t get if I showed up dressed properly. I was a bit annoyed by what she was implying, so I said that if I was going to be so much of a concern for her, I’d rather just politely decline the invitation.
Kate freaked out, saying I was being immature by not coming just because I couldn’t steal the spotlight. I said it wasn’t about that. It was about her making me responsible for whether or not I draw her boyfriend’s attention, which is something I’ve never tried to do, nor done as far as I’m aware.
She then said it was really important to Jamie that she stand out because his friends and colleagues would be there. I just told her that again, if she was so worried I was going to be distracting everyone, I’d rather not come than feel humiliated from now until the event. I said I would send her Jamie’s gift, and she could tell him why I wasn’t coming.
I guess she didn’t tell him the reason because Jamie messaged me saying he knows I’m “booked” the night of the party, but he’d like it if I could be there, and asked if I could reorganize so I could come. I hadn’t replied, but I got a message from Kate saying she knows Jamie is trying to get me to come and please could I just put my pride aside and come to the party. I asked if she was going to ditch the outfit policing, but she said no, so I said I would not be coming. She didn’t reply, but I’ve since received a couple of texts from mutual friends saying that while her request is ridiculous, Kate is aware of that, she’s just desperate to be seen a certain way, and even if it’s pathetic, I would probably feel the same way in her shoes. Other friends I’ve told (who don’t know Kate) say I should not bow to the pressure and that she’s nuts for even asking. I don’t disagree, but I also feel bad skipping the party when it’s Jamie’s birthday and he asked specifically that I come. So, should I be going?
First of all, thank you to everyone for the advice. Most responses were not what I was expecting and gave me a lot to think about.
As surprised as I was that so many people said to tell Jamie, I did realize it was the right thing to do. So, I texted him and told him that Kate was insisting I dress a certain way. Jamie called and explained.
A couple of months ago, Jamie and Kate were out with a few of his friends (these same friends that I mentioned in my comments are not fond of Kate), and everyone had had a lot to drink. They were talking about how they met their SOs, and the story of Jamie and Kate meeting came up. Apparently, during the telling of the story, Kate asked Jamie why he had decided to hit on her rather than me, and one of his friends joked that it was because he knew he didn’t have a shot with “the hot one” (me). Kate asked if this was true, and Jamie, having had WAY too much to drink, explained in a way that made it sound kind of true.
He said he did notice me that night and thought I was attractive, just seeing me. He said he would never have approached me because he knew he would never have a chance with someone like me, so in that way, his friend was right. He said that speaking to Kate was the absolute best outcome because he loves her and plans on spending the rest of his life with her, but even knowing this, Kate has taken this extremely hard, and even though she says she is over it, he’s noticed changes in her behavior that seem to be related to that. He also admitted that he’d been planning to propose to Kate at the party. That is why he’d wanted me to be there, but after hearing this on top of the way she has been handling the situation previously, he won’t be doing that anymore.
After speaking to Jamie, I called Kate. She admitted that she had tied a lot of her self-worth in the fact that she’d finally been picked over me, and now it felt like that wasn’t true. She apologized for trying to solve her insecurities through me, but also said she wasn’t sure she would be able to have me in her life as much as I had been with the way she’s been feeling. As hurt as I was, I said I understood. She said she still wanted me to come to the party, since I’d helped organize it, and she dropped the absurd dress code, so I will be going to the party. I trust that Kate will communicate her boundaries to Jamie, but I don’t plan on inviting him to any more events for the foreseeable future.
I’m really sad that I’ve probably lost a longtime friend over the drunken awkwardness of other people, but I also get that Kate can’t help how she feels, and frankly, it’s for the best not to be in a secret competition. So, yeah, I’m hurt, but I’m going to the party. Not a satisfying update, but an honest one.
UPDATE: Going through these comments has brought up a couple of memories that I have, in hindsight, made me a bit uncomfortable, and I don’t think I will end up going to this party. As much as the mutual friends will have questions, and I don’t know how much of the truth I will end up telling, I feel too weird right now to continue to be involved in this situation.
9
AITA If I Marry A Man That My Mom Hates?
From Redditor u/DefythePatriarchy:
I (25F) have been engaged to my fiancé (27M) for just over two years, and we dated for nearly three years before he proposed. We set a wedding date back when we got engaged, but postponed it because my family was going through a rough patch, and it didn’t feel right at the time. We are now aiming for April 2025. The venue is booked and everything.
However, my mom despises my fiancé. She says that he has warning signs of an emotional abuser, he is selfish and wants to keep me to himself, and that he is going to turn me into a helpless housewife to just pop out babies for his Southern, racist family. For clarification, I am a kindergarten teacher, currently pursuing my master’s degree, and have exactly zero plans to have kids in the next five years (which he agrees with!). He is an electrical engineer, also pursuing a master’s degree, and does not agree with his family’s conservative beliefs.
She lives across the country and recently came to visit for a month. It ended BADLY. I mean screaming fights, storming out of the house, and crying until 2 am, all of which culminated in me driving her to the airport two weeks early. She swears she will never step a foot back in the state for any reason, and she refuses to be in a room with my fiancé or his family ever.
Well, while she was here, I didn’t get a chance to tell her that we are planning to go through with the wedding, things are booked, etc. I fully intended to, but with all the fighting and turmoil, I didn’t have a chance.
Now, my fiancé and his family are asking questions about where we’re at in the wedding planning process, and I’m torn about how to answer. On the one hand, we could reschedule the entire thing, and I could work with my mom to get her to agree to come. On the other hand, we could go through with the wedding, but I would have exactly zero family members present. I desperately want my mom to be there, but I don’t know if she’ll ever come to terms with my fiancé’s existence and importance in my life. And I’m not sure I want to keep postponing the wedding because she’s not ready for me to get married. So, would I be the a**hole if I do go through with it?
Extra: My mom does have a TBI, which affects her emotional regulation. She has had the TBI since before I started dating my fiancé, so he never met her beforehand. Despite the brain injury, she swears that she is being perfectly reasonable and that, as an older woman who has dated a lot more than I have (just the one) and has known abusive men, I should trust her implicitly and leave him.
INFO: Everyone has been asking, so here are some of the warning signs that she says are emotionally abusive:
– He wouldn’t leave me alone with her while she was here visiting. She is referring to the fact that while we would talk in the evenings, he was always in the room. Because we talked in the living room. In the small house where we live. Never mind that he stayed out of the house for two days, so we could hang out together, just my mom and me.
– He does not encourage a strong bond between my mom and me. She means that he has not pushed me to go visit my mom and brother across the country, even when they needed help. I reason that I don’t want to go across the country very often, so even when he asks me if I want to, the answer is usually no.
– He is gay and using me as a beard. She is referring to the fact that years ago, before we even started dating, I made an offhand comment about how people thought that the new server might be gay. We worked in a restaurant with lots of liberal college kids, and straight people were the minority, so we kind of assumed everyone was LGBTQ+ unless told otherwise. I was wrong, as we have been together for five years with no issues in the bedroom and many conversations about the facets of sexuality.
– He encourages me to lie to her. I lied about going on a trip to Puerto Rico, entirely by my own choice, and despite multiple warnings by him and my best friend that it would end poorly. It did end poorly, and she does not trust me anymore, which is a separate issue. But again, my choice to lie. He actively told me it was a bad idea, and I didn’t listen.
So, an update: we got married!! A lot of y’all told me to go through with it, and after a lot of thought, we did!
When my mom left in October, we were in a bad place, and we were having a lot of really awful phone calls and screaming fights. I was desperate to do something, and I finally found a therapist who helped me process some of the things that happened between my mom and me and my role in things.
In the months leading up to the wedding, my mom continued to scream at me over the phone and make threats about choosing “him or her” and how she hoped I wasn’t the kind of girl who got rid of her family to please a man who would end up leaving her anyway. She was downright hateful, and I spent a lot of time crying over our relationship because I couldn’t believe we had gotten to this point. Even with knowing that some of her disregard was because of the brain injury, I just couldn’t believe my mom would threaten me, call me a c***, and tell me that I wasn’t allowed to be upset with her because she had been traumatized her whole life.
We got married in April, and my mom and brother did not attend. I was able to reconnect with my mom’s cousin, with whom I used to be close as a child, and she and her family came to the wedding. I had my best friend, her family, and my work family there to support me. A close friend performed the ceremony. Plus, of course, my husband’s family was very supportive. There were times I missed my mom, and I wanted to see her smile in the audience, but I was ultimately glad that she wasn’t there. I would have felt like I had to perform and cater to her every whim, and I am so glad I was able to just have a lovely day with all the people who came to celebrate with us.
Just to reaffirm my feelings about her not being there, my mom did not contact me at all on the day of and only called me a week later to ask whether I would be sharing any pictures with her. I did send her a few, because I thought a small part of her might care, but all she did was comment on how it looked like a cheap Amazon wedding. She hoped I was happy with my sh*tty choices and that they were worth the loss of my family.
I miss her constantly, despite all our issues, but I haven’t cut her off completely. We’ve been having a hard time communicating at all right now, and I don’t know if it will ever get better. But I am happily married and I don’t regret it.
Thanks for reading this far, and I appreciate all the kindness and honesty I got from my original post!
10
AITA For Making My Family Cancel Their Vacation Because I Won’t Watch Their Dogs?
From Redditor u/Dazzling-P:
My parents (82M, 75F) asked if I would help them book a much-needed vacation. They also asked me to do the same for my brother (43) and SIL (33), because they wanted to take a family vacation in September. My husband (46) and I (41F) can’t afford to go because I am currently out of a job. Even though this would be the first family vacation I would have ever missed, and it made me sad, I said I would, of course, help. My mom even mentioned to me that, in a way, it’s good because I’d be able to watch my brother’s pugs and my parents’ chihuahua.
Here’s the thing about watching the dogs. It’s a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother’s house. The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance. Because of this, I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dog sitter (money isn’t an issue for him).
I’ve dogsat for them 3 times this past year, varying from 1 to 5 nights. They paid me well. But I do not feel comfortable staying at their house, and I find the round-the-clock care exhausting. My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no strangers to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don’t have dogs for a reason. Now, I’m supposed to be booking this trip for my brother, but he hasn’t even asked me about watching the dogs.
Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL, who was ill. My brother was sitting across from me, so I reached out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can’t watch them when they go on vacation, and that he needs to get a dog sitter. I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dog sitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I’ll help find someone.
He starts to get reactive and says that they won’t watch my cats anymore. I said that’s fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They, on the other hand, didn’t ask me.
My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask for 7 nights and 5 dogs. Excuse me? Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds.
I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs. Can he imagine how I felt? He seemed to understand. By the time I left dinner, there were hugs and kisses, and all was well. I knew my brother was upset, but he seemed to understand, and I was proud of putting up boundaries.
The next evening, I called my parents to see if they had heard from my brother. He called them after he got home from family dinner and was “blindsided” by me. My SIL was just as upset as he was. They think I’m throwing a tantrum because I can’t go on vacation. While yes, that sucks, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights. Now they are canceling the vacation because I won’t watch the dogs. AITA for telling them I won’t do it?
My brother apologized, and we were having a very good and calm conversation. We were getting to a point where I was willing to make a compromise because I finally felt heard. Then my SIL, who had had an attitude the whole time, snappily said, “Okay, so what do we need to do to resolve this?” Things started to get heated because I felt her tension and tried to acknowledge it.
I said that I was hurt by my SIL’s actions. I left it out of my OG post, but she was complaining about helping me clean my house before my wedding. I later found out that she told my dad I had moldy dishes in the sink, and that was humiliating. I said it hurt a lot when I learned she brought it up again as part of her argument why I should watch the dogs. She sarcastically said, “Oh, so I’M the villain.”
I said, “I feel like from what I have gathered from my parents this past week that you think I’m sabotaging this vacation because I’m jealous that I can’t go. And if you think that, you really must not know me, and that hurts.” She said with the same rude tone as earlier, “I must not know you because that is 100% what I think.” My eyes welled up because I felt like she had just suckerpunched me, and she looked at me and said, “Here comes the temper tantrum.”
I stood up to leave. Then I turned around again and said over everyone yelling my name to calm down, “If you, with all your time, money, and resources, decide not to go on vacation, that is your own decision and not because of me.” I got the hell out of the house and sat in the car until my husband came out.
She was at my wedding. I have been so happy to have her as my SIL. I have been nothing but loving to her. Now, I see she doesn’t give a f*ck about me. I’m gutted. It’s clear that she has zero respect for me and probably never even liked me. I’m devastated because my family is everything, and I feel like my relationship with my brother will forever be altered. She is not the person I thought she was, and now I’m not only NOT watching the dogs, but I guess I am also accepting that I don’t have a sister like I thought I did.
11
AITA For Letting My Son Call My Best Friend ‘Dad’?
From Redditor u/imtrying__mybest:
My (30M) relationship with my wife Sam (29F) has been rocky since our son Oliver was born two years ago. She got pregnant just a few months after we got married, and things were fine up until Oliver’s delivery. I assume it was postpartum depression, Sam never sought out a specific diagnosis, but after he was born, it was like she just couldn’t care less about our child. We hadn’t planned to have children so early into our marriage, and it was scary, but I can’t describe the all-encompassing love that comes with being a parent. The fear was worth it for me. It still is and always will be.
Throughout Oliver’s life, but especially that first year, I was essentially acting as a single parent. The only help I had (and I don’t mean for that to sound diminishing because this man is a godsend) was my best friend, Matt (33M). The plan was for Oliver to be breastfed, but my wife had no interest in it after he was born. I was the one changing diapers and mixing up the formula for bottles, and being in the house we shared felt so… oppressive. Like the joys of bonding with my son were being sucked out of me because of the energy there. I would take Oliver to Matt’s.
I don’t want to ramble on for too long, but there have been exactly zero times in life when Matt hasn’t shown up for me. I’ve known him since I was 19 and can safely say that even after all that time. But this is the most wonderful thing he’s given me. I could sleep soundly, knowing my baby would be taken care of. I had a place of refuge. He is so, so good with Oliver and is my shoulder to cry on. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay him, but I’m trying every single day.
Things with my wife have kind of started to look up, but recent events have sent us into a huge downward spiral. Oliver was having some speech delays, but he’s been picking things up as his third birthday nears. He’s babbled “dadada” towards Matt and me for a while now, but “daddy” has since been added to his vocabulary, and that is used to refer to us both. I have never corrected him. I checked in with Matt to make sure he was fine, and he said he was honored to be bestowed with such a title.
Sam got to hear this recently when I was on FaceTime with Matt and she basically went ballistic. As much as I hate to admit it, I did say he was more of a parent than she had been which, while true, is hurtful. I need outside opinions on this.
AITA for allowing him to call him dad?
I never thought I’d be back with an update this soon, or that this would be the update.
I came home Thursday with a plan to talk to my wife. I texted her in advance, so I was able to jump right in when I arrived. As suggested to me in the comments of the OP, I was vulnerable. I told her I was feeling exhausted and worn down. I said frustration had built up with her being so uninvolved. I said I wanted to see real, major change in the way she interacts with Oliver within the next 2 months, or an ultimatum of her getting help/divorce would be given. I also made it clear that if she wanted to get help now and not wait those 2 months, that was also acceptable. I would assist her however she wanted, but I wanted to see some initiative being taken for our child.
At first, I was met with anger. Eventually, we were able to have a genuine conversation where she admitted that she didn’t feel maternal at all. She felt I had pushed her too hard to have Oliver when she got pregnant, and she often wonders what our life would be like if she had made a different choice.
This was all hard for me to hear. Resentment was building up on both sides, but did it have to build for nearly three years? I can’t help but feel like it was mostly her responsibility to bring up this conversation. My frustration was over her treatment of our son. Her frustration was over us having a son at all. I can’t even fathom a world without Oliver in it, while she was pondering what our life would look like if he never existed.
It’s been a few days since the conversation, and I’m still feeling a lot. I feel sad for her. I’m very angry that my son and I, over the last three years, could have looked different/saved us from so much pain, exhaustion, and negative emotion. It doesn’t feel fair.
She and I are going to start the divorce process soon. I’m hoping that it will remain civil. I called my parents to update them on the situation. They’ve been unconditionally supportive of me and were ready to jump into action mode to help. They will financially support us for the time being and offer us a place to stay. Matt and I discussed it, and we don’t think that’s a viable option. Oliver is already going through a big life change, so taking him out of state to a house he’s unfamiliar with would be harmful. It would also complicate things during the divorce.
We’re moving in with Matt. On top of all the practical reasons why it makes sense, Matt expressed that he would hate for us to be so far from him/that anywhere he is would always be a home for Oliver and me. We still have a lot of things to pack, but we’ve been here since that conversation. Oliver was already used to life here, so the transition has been smooth.
I have a lot of emotions to work through and plan on starting therapy soon.
12
AITA For Deliberately Misunderstanding My Child’s Father?
From Redditor u/Careless-Hornet-4343:
So I had a baby some weeks ago with my partner, to whom I’m not married. We’ve been together a while, and I’ve made many compromises in this relationship. While discussing the baby’s name, we had a few disagreements on names, but ultimately decided on a name we both liked well enough.
The surname was a sticking point: he wanted the baby to have his name alone. I offered to hyphenate because, logistically, it’s easier for the baby to have both of our names. He’s been drinking the red pill Kool-Aid lately – a large bone of contention in this relationship – and went off about how it’s “tradition” and “the right thing to do” and “his right as a man” to have the baby have his surname. He told me I’d be emasculating him and may as well be a single parent if I won’t grant him this one little ask. “My word is final – baby’s having one surname.” This was late in my pregnancy, and I didn’t have it in to fight, so I told him that I understood what he was saying.
FF to 3 weeks ago when the baby’s birth certificate came. He blew a gasket when he saw that I’d given the baby my surname. He rehashed the conversation above, saying I agreed to give the baby his surname.
This is where I might be TA. I did nothing of the sort. I told him I understood him, which I did, but I never said I agreed with him. I told him there was no way I was doing all the work of making a baby for him to stick his name on it. When he bought up tradition, I told him it’s also traditional for him to marry me before having a baby, but he was happy to ignore that. I told him it was traditional for him to be the provider, but I do that too, and I pointed out other holes in his logic. I told him that trying to bully me into submission with his red pill BS when I was exhausted from pregnancy didn’t work.
He should have known better than to expect me not to share a surname with my child. He said the baby should only have one surname – they do. So why is he mad?
He went crying to his brothers and mother – all “traditionalists” and misogynists – and now they’re all up in arms. AITA?
ETA: There seems to be some confusion – we are not married or engaged. I don’t believe in it, and he’s never seen the point of “bring the state into your relationship,” so we agreed to never marry. He’s on the birth certificate as the father. The baby just has my last name, but the father is listed.
So it turns out he’s got deep-seated resentment for me, lol.
He resents me for:
Earning more money than he is.
I am further in my career than he is.
Not losing my job during COVID like he did.
Having parents who love and support me.
Not being a submissive woman (lol).
Having a present and loving father.
Not combining our finances, thus making him feel small.
So when I last came here, I said I’d asked him to come home and discuss our future with the baby, preferably in the presence of a neutral party. He left me on read for a few days, though I could see he was spying on us through the ring doorbell and baby’s monitor. I disconnected them both, and he finally responded.
He came home very irate and rejected my offer to have a neutral facilitator for the conversation. I asked how we’re supposed to move forward, and the rant above came out in a full mask-off moment. Any hope I had that you guys were wrong about him died that day.
He again rejected the offer to hyphenate the baby’s surname. I’m “disrespectful” and “insolent” for refusing to “do what’s right” and give the baby their “rightful” surname. I told him I won’t go through the administrative nightmare of having a different surname for my child, and lots of data shows a double-barreled surname is social currency that has positive connotations. Nope, he wouldn’t budge. I told him neither would I. The baby either has both our surnames or mine alone.
He asked if this was a hill I wanted this relationship to end on. If I was prepared to throw half a decade down the drain over my “silly little feminism.” I told him I wasn’t sure there was anything left to fight for. We broke up. Thankfully, our lease in his name expires at the end of May. I called my dad, and he came to help me with the baby.
I messaged my ex to suggest we still need couples counseling: we need to learn to be co-parents, and they can help us establish a healthy way of doing that. He again said no to that.
My mum wanted to take me and the baby on a baby moon holiday after this stressful period, but he would grant permission for me to take the baby abroad:)))))
It’s going to be a long road ahead. I’ve instructed a lawyer to help us set up a formal agreement to avoid this in the future. He’s not responding to correspondence from the lawyer, so that’s fun. He’s sulking. He used to do this a lot when things didn’t go his way. I hope he’ll soon realize I no longer have time for his BS, and I won’t be toyed with because I called his bluff and ended the relationship.
To end on a bright note, the house I wanted us to buy a couple of years ago, which he talked me out of until he was back on his feet again, despite us being able to afford it on my salary alone, is back on the market! I took it as fate: it’s time to move on from this man! It’s a beautiful Victorian terrace near good schools, good transport links, a small garden, and close to my parents. It’d be the perfect home for the baby and me. I put in an offer. Wish me luck!
13
AITA For Objecting To ‘Girls’ Day’?
From Redditor u/throwaway022411111:
I’m a 28-year-old male, and my immediate family is all women. I was raised by my mother and have no contact with my father’s side of the family due to a messy divorce when I was young. My two sisters (early 30s), my three aunts (two who are my mother’s sisters and one who married into the family and married my aunt), all have an assortment of close family friends, all of whom are women who also go to these events.
About 3 years ago, my mother had an idea to do a “girls only” weekend. Originally, this was to see one of the Magic Mike movies, and because it was such a hit, they started to do these weekend outings once or twice a month. Back then, it didn’t bother me because I’m an adult who has my own life and own house, and I didn’t even think about it.
But an incident recently made me annoyed at the whole concept. My aunt’s birthday was in January, and normally we go to her favorite restaurant for her birthday, which also incidentally is my favorite restaurant. So I bought her a present and a card, and waited for an invitation, and none came.
When I asked what was going on for her birthday, I was told they celebrated it early on their girls’ day because she was out of state during her birthday. This kind of irked me because when I mentioned I bought her a present, my mother told me to just drive over to her house and give it to her. I felt pretty left out since I am the only male in my immediate family. Having a “girls’ day” is the equivalent of saying, ‘Hey, let’s celebrate my birthday but not invite him.”
I griped about it and was told that I was being self-centered and that she can celebrate her birthday however she wants. I agree with that, but once again, I’m the only one being left out, and it feels sh*tty. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back was I was just also informed that they were planning a summer vacation this year as “girls only” too, and when I asked my mother what about the vacation we normally take as a family, she told me that they can’t afford to do both so they are just doing the girls only vacation this year.
At this point, I was VERY annoyed and had a loud argument with my mother and sister, telling them that it’s sh*tty that twice a month they have group activities and specifically exclude me, and on top of that, they are now even taking vacations and excluding me.
Nothing came of the argument, and they wouldn’t budge, so I decided I needed a break from my immediate family because they don’t consider my feelings relevant. So, I removed myself from the family group chat and deactivated my Facebook. Now my phone is being blown up, and I’m being told that I’m immature and need to grow up. I responded that a lot of grown people don’t see much of their family at all, and I’m just going to follow that example. Am I the a**hole here?
This last month has been kind of wild for me, so I haven’t had an opportunity to update this until now. So the descriptions of my family and our situation in this thread were specific enough that one of my family members found out about it and confronted me.
Since I had deactivated my Facebook and was only receiving text messages, I didn’t realize what was happening before I was ambushed by it. My sister (oldest) confronted me about it and asked me if I had made the thread, and I confirmed that it was. And she insisted I was being sh*tty for airing the family’s laundry like that. I responded that I in no way did that, as I was speaking very generally and never identified who my family was.
This spread to my family, and now the thread was shared on Facebook, and everyone saw it. I was invited to a family meeting (we never have those) where I was sitting in front of a firing squad of angry women who told me that what I did was wrong and demanded an apology.
They said that “I knew” they weren’t excluding me, and because I gave everyone that impression, I owed them an apology. I replied that I did NOT know they were not excluding me, and included examples of things they did (such as the birthday dinner, going to an amusement park, and going to a baseball game).
Once again, they characterized this as a girls only event where boys just weren’t allowed or welcome because they wanted to talk about things guys wouldn’t be interested in. I replied that she needs to stop saying “guys” because there is only one guy who would have been invited, and that’s me, so what she’s saying is that it’s a no-OP event, not a girls only event.
They explained that it wasn’t excluding me because, regardless of whether I was interested in the event, the conversation would have bored me. After all, I’m not a girl. At this point we were going around in circles, so I just explained my perspective, I said that I’m the only male in our immediate family, when the people in my immediate family get together regularly (not a one off or once in a while) and don’t include me, regardless of what they called it I feel excluded. I explained that the breaking point was the family vacation, and that there was no reason to leave me out of a vacation I was always invited to, particularly when that’s the only family vacation we do, and they’ve stated they cannot afford a second one.
At the end of this family meeting, I was never given an apology, no one tried to empathize with my perspective, and I was accused of many things that I didn’t do by any reasonable interpretation.
I told my mother and my sisters that we reached a breaking point in our relationship and that I was going on no contact for a while. I told them I’m an adult, and have my own life, and the reason I wanted to be involved was because I didn’t want one of those family relationships where you only see your family at holidays. If that’s not what my family wants, then it’s okay, but I told them that I was not going to be involved with people who made me feel sh*tty and intentionally leave me on the outside looking in of my own family.
My mother/sisters told me that if I was going to lie about them to everyone, they don’t care. At this point, my relationship with my family is over. I left that family meeting and have not reactivated Facebook, have not received any contact, and have not initiated any contact. Que sera, sera.
14
AITA For Refusing To Give The Master Bedroom To A Friend’s Boyfriend During A Group Cabin Trip?
From Redditor u/Wild_Win9820:
My friend group, me (26M), my girlfriend (25F), and friends Jay (25M), Eva (26F), Liam (25M), and Frank (26M), has a tradition of renting a cabin every summer/winter. The cabin has a master bedroom (double bed), a twin room (two single beds), a loft (two single beds), and a pull-out couch in the living room.
My girlfriend and I have always paid extra to use the master exclusively. Everyone else shares the remaining beds, and Eva usually takes the couch since she snores and doesn’t want to room with a guy.
This year, Frank asked if his boyfriend Ed (28M) could come with us. None of us had met him, but Frank said he’d cover meals to make up for the cost. Ed seemed nice at first and paid for dinner the first night, which was cool.
Problems started when we got to the cabin. Ed said he and Frank wanted to take the master bedroom. I told him (maybe a little harshly) that my girlfriend and I usually use it since we pay extra. Ed said he didn’t get what the big deal was and that we could sleep in one of the single beds or the couch.
These single beds are small and could not comfortably fit two people, plus Eva would have to share a room with one of the guys, and she didn’t want to. Ed said that my girlfriend and Eva could share the couch, and I could room with one of the other guys.
I didn’t want to room with a guy when my girlfriend and I have been together a lot longer, and there’s no reason for me to room with someone else in favor of a couple who’s been together less than a year.
Jay and Liam tried to help, like giving Ed and Frank the couch so they could sleep side by side, but Ed said he didn’t feel comfortable in open spaces and insisted on the master. Ed and I argued more, and he called me homophobic, saying I didn’t support his and Frank’s relationship by not letting them share a room. I was about to shout when my girlfriend shut me up and told Ed we’d take the couch.
We didn’t see them much the rest of the trip. I mostly hung out with my girlfriend and Eva on hikes. Ed and Frank used the master and left a few days early. My girlfriend Jay, Liam, Eva, and I have been talking about what happened. Jay supports me, but Eva and Liam said I made a huge deal out of nothing and that letting them have the master for a week wasn’t a big deal.
Even my girlfriend says I took things too far by keeping everyone up. I’m still pissed about being kicked out of the room, but I think I might be an a**hole because it was late and everyone wanted to sleep, but I kept dragging out the argument, and I didn’t welcome Ed after he argued with me. AITA?
I had some people ask, so I wanted to update. Thanks to everyone who commented. I realized I need a bit of distance from this group for not having my back. On the money issue, I spent some time trying to work out the cost breakdown, since many people asked about the numbers. All prices have been converted to USD. The total cost for the 7-night cabin stay was $1,744. My girlfriend and I covered half of that (3.5 nights), and the other half was split between Frank, Liam, and Jay.
Eva paid for gas (she drives a van for work, so she drove us all up), which came to $199. Ed paid for three meals and snacks, which came to $230 ($157 for the first meal, and $73 for snacks and 2 fast food runs).
What everyone paid:
Me: $436
Girlfriend: $436
Frank: $290.67
Liam: $290.67
Jay: $290.67
Eva: $199
Ed: $230
So, Ed covered almost the cost of one night, but it was significantly less than my girlfriend and I paid for the master.
The six of us have been going to this same cabin for 5 years, and before my girlfriend and I got together, she and Eva used the master. The others are more than welcome to use the master if they pay what my girlfriend and I do, which I see now might not be super fair to them since we’re the only couple in the group, so that we can afford it more easily.
Like many said to do, I texted Frank and asked him to pay me and my girlfriend for one night’s stay on the trip ($290). It might have been a little under, but I didn’t want to argue anymore, and my girlfriend told me to sort this out and drop the issue. Frank paid me a few days later and asked if we could meet so he could explain what happened at our local bar.
I was going to see Ed there when my girlfriend and I arrived. It took some time for the conversation to start, but Ed eventually told us his relationship with his parents has been rocky due to his sexuality. A few months before the cabin trip, he brought Frank home to meet them for the first time, and his parents made them sleep in separate rooms. Ed said his folks implied that he and Frank would be kicked out if they didn’t. He said that when I refused to let them use the master bedroom, it brought up those bad feelings, and he misdirected his anger at me.
I don’t totally buy that explanation, not the full extent, but I can understand how not being allowed to share a bed might bring up bad memories for him. For Frank’s sake, I agreed to let it go and told them I appreciated the apology, but I still need space. I’m not ready to pick up where we left off.
My friends usually talk about taking another trip in November at this time, but I think I’ll find somewhere closer to go with my girlfriend so I don’t have to deal with this group drama again. I’m still not entirely over her not having my back either, so nothing’s in the works right now. Thanks again.
15
AITA If I Tell My Friend To Stop With Her Coping Mechanism?
From Redditor u/throwawaying00000001:
So I am trans, but I come from a culture where being trans is dangerous. For my safety, I immigrated to a much more welcoming country when I was 22. I changed my name and began going on estrogen. I am much happier, as when I meet people for the first time, they assume I am a cis female.
I have a small group of friends that I made 3 years ago. One of these friends has a rather interesting hobby. She enjoys going on social media apps and basically learning everything she can about a person. I’m not sure why she does this, as it seems very weird to me, but she told me that she does it because of the trauma she has from her high school friends who manipulate/bullied her into thinking she forgot important info about them. Ever since then, she has gone on social media or even listens to gossip about almost everyone that she knows, just so she never misses a thing. I don’t understand it, but as someone with trauma myself, I understand that we handle things differently than what’s normal.
I haven’t told my friends that I am trans. I understand that it seems wrong, but I generally don’t trust people with that kind of information. It’s not that I don’t think they will be supportive, I just don’t think that they need to know this. That and I’m a little afraid of our dynamic changing, as I love them a lot and can’t stand to lose any more loved ones. I know that if it comes to a point where it’s needed, I will tell them. But right now, it’s not important information.
So this friend, Amelia (fake name), was acting weird around me. It felt like she was bringing up or talking about similar things that I haven’t told anyone about. Not directly, but she’ll say things like, “I heard about this place called [restaurant that I went to when I was younger], the food seems interesting there.” I thought I was just going crazy at first, as the internet is free and she is allowed to see things from my hometown without it being linked to me. That is, until yesterday, she was talking to our friends about baby names as she is pregnant and brought up my freaking deadname. We made eye contact for a bit as my friends gushed on how cute it sounded, but all agreed it doesn’t fit her ethnicity. She moved on and never brought it up again.
I don’t feel anything towards that name, nor do I feel like she isn’t allowed to name her baby after it if she so desires to, but it feels like a twisted form of power play. I’m not sure how she found it, but I don’t think she’ll use it against me or out me as she’s not that type of person. I feel like maybe she’s just trying to hint that she knows.
Right now, I want to call her out on what she’s doing and tell her that she needs to stop, as it’s making me uncomfortable. But again, I’m not sure if this is the right move as it is her coping mechanism for her trauma.
First of all, wow, I just want to thank everybody for the nice comments and messages that were sent to me. I’ll be honest, the last 3-4 months have been so difficult for me, and the kind words I received helped.
On to the updates: Amelia gave birth to a healthy baby boy, and no, she did not name him after my deadname. I don’t think I would have cared anyway because 1. Like I said, I don’t feel any attachment or trauma with that name, and 2. It’s her loss if she names her son that because she is white as snow, and I am an Arab. Regardless, I still felt happy for her and celebrated her son because she was still my friend.
Second: There’s a trend on TikTok or Instagram where Person A will record Person B and film their reaction to hearing the sentence, “I’m so hungry I could eat [name].” For those who might not know the name, they will say it tends to be the name of a person that Person B has a strong past with, like an ex, a dead friend, or something.
My friend group and I went over to my best friend’s house for a girls’ night to spend time with Amelia since she’s been busy with her son. They did a TikTok trend, and since I don’t really frequent social media, nor post myself, I mostly watched and chit-chatted with my other friends who also weren’t super into trends. We were having fun till Amelia pointed the phone at me and said, “Hey [my name], I’m so hungry I could eat [father’s name].”
I was beyond shocked. My deadname has no meaning to me, but my father’s? Like a knife twisted into me. Hearing his name made me panic. I guess my other friends noticed and told Amelia to stop and delete the video.
I dissociated during the argument, but from what my friends told me after, Amelia claimed it was just a joke and a trend that people do. She then went on to claim I was in the wrong and outed me to my friends, who luckily didn’t care (like they were accepting, as I hoped).
She got kicked out of the house after a long screaming match, and my friends told me she wasn’t welcome in the friend group anymore after what she had done to me. I felt awful about this as she was friends with them longer than I was, and felt like I was ruining things. They assured me I didn’t, and they accepted me. I apologized for not telling them sooner, and they understood that it was my secret to tell.
Amelia did end up posting the video and vaguely posted about me and the rest of the group. It got taken down after my best friend confronted her and forced her to delete the videos, but the damage was already done, and a lot more people knew. But on the brighter side, I never really got questioned by those mutual friends of Amelia, so that’s good.
After that, we never really heard or paid any attention to her again. I finally started therapy, and my therapist was the one who suggested that I update you all (as some form of closure, she said). So, once again, thank you, Reddit, for all the kind words and messages, and hopefully, nothing else this bad happens again.
16
AITA For Telling Another Gym Member To Wear A Bra?
From Redditor u/Far-Experience2070:
I (25F) f*cking hate wearing bras. They’re uncomfortable, constricting, and expensive. With working from home, I spent the last year and a half basically never wearing a bra and got used to it. Quite frankly, my boobs are nonexistent anyways.
I recently started going to the gym again and started working out braless. I should note that, up until now, no one has ever pointed out anything wrong with me not wearing a bra. However, in the middle of a set of squats (yes, MID-SQUAT), a guy comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder to get my attention, and tells me that my nipples are poking through my shirt. I get really irritated because why TF is this guy staring at my nipples in the first place and then stopping me mid-set to inform me?
I get really annoyed and try to finish my set, but then this f*cker literally grabs the bar as I ascend and re-racks it for me. He claimed it looked like I was having trouble with the last rep and that he had come over to make sure I could do it, then noticed my nipples. I’m really f*cking pissed off at this point and told him I didn’t need his help finishing my set, and why the f*ck was he looking at my chest in the first place?? He said he was going to spot me, but then noticed my chest and thought it’d be inappropriate.
I pointed out that the safety bar was set, so even if I did fail the set, he wasn’t needed. But he just insisted people at gyms look out for each other, and that going forward, I should probably wear a bra so other people wouldn’t get uncomfortable and that it may help me stay more balanced in my squats. I’m literally the only girl at the weights section of the gym at the moment, and other guys who were squatting and failed sets never have to worry about this sh*t. I’ve seen guys fail multiple sets in a row, and no one ever rushes to their aid, but I have a very slight pause, and everyone thinks I need rescuing. So I’m now really annoyed and also kind of uncomfortable that this guy I’ve never spoken to in my life thinks he’s helping me and then has the audacity to tell me how to dress.
So I tell him, “You have bigger boobs and nipples than I do. Maybe YOU should wear a bra so people won’t get uncomfortable and you won’t fail your squats.” He then got really defensive, saying he was just trying to help, then called me a b*tch. Honestly, I’m not sure if I overreacted, but I’m still kind of pissed off, so maybe that’s clouding my judgment. AITA?
Thanks so much for all the feedback on my OP. A couple of people said it was just a validation post, but to be honest, after you go off on someone like that publicly, getting a lot of attention, you kind of do feel like an a**hole, even when you feel it’s justified, so yeah.
I finally did start wearing bras again, and not at all because of this incident, but because I’d been dealing with depression that made me not try to get dressed in general (not just at the gym), and “dressing for success” has been a small way to try to get myself back into a better place mentally.
Anyways, the guy goes to the gym roughly the same time I do most days, so unfortunately, I did have to see him again. Even though I wanted to grab his bar out of fake concern while he was squatting, I mostly ignored him. Until two days ago.
I was deadlifting and recording myself to check my form. The guy comes over and says something like, “You know sumo is cheating, right?” I get this comment a lot, mostly from men, half-joking, and it’s annoying, but I just completely ignore them. He repeats it a little louder, and I continue to ignore him. I guess he sees that I was recording myself because then he asks if I have an Instagram (I don’t post my lifts on Insta) and if he could follow me. I keep ignoring him.
Finally, he says something like, “See, your form is so much better now that you’re wearing a bra.” And I f*cking lost it again. I screamed at him that he’s a disgusting, harassing piece of sh*t (honestly, I don’t remember exactly what I said, but it was, admittedly, very vulgar and got a lot of attention). A worker came over and asked if something was wrong, and I said that the guy was sexually harassing me for two weeks and asked to speak to a manager.
The guy denied it and said he was just trying to help, and that I was being sensitive. But either way, the manager asked what was going on and got both our stories. Because I had been recording my lifts, I had a video of him where he commented on my bra, so the manager gave him a 30-day ban and told me that if he ever bothered me again, to let her know, and she would permanently ban him.
So I feel vindicated, but I also feel a little frustrated that just one man saw consequences for this kind of behavior towards women in the gym. It’s nice to see someone have repercussions for their actions, but it’s also exhausting dealing with this kind of thing constantly at the gym, even if it isn’t quite as overt. But I guess I’ll have to keep calm and lift on.
17
AITA For Not Going To My Sister’s Wedding?
From Redditor u/Ok-Mycologist-5618:
Some background. I (17M), about 8 months ago, met the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. We became friends because of our shared hobbies, and somehow, I got lucky enough that we started dating 6 months ago.
About a week into dating, she told me that she was trans, mtf. I accepted this and had no problem with dating her. She was happy, and as I’ve said, we’ve been dating for 6 months. She has met my family multiple times, and about a month ago, she told them she was trans as well. Everyone accepted, or if they didn’t, they kept their mouths shut. Everyone except one. My sister (24F) got huffy and started to ignore my girlfriend. She asked me later how I expected to have kids one day if I was dating a fake woman. I told her to shut up, and I don’t want kids anyway. She got quiet, and that was that.
My sister’s wedding is in 3 months, and she sent out invites to RSVP a few days ago. Everyone is allowed to bring a +1. I chose my girlfriend and sent in the RSVP. Today she came by, and while hanging out with my parents, she told me my girlfriend couldn’t come. When I asked why, she said, and I quote, “I don’t want a delusional boy at my wedding.” At first, I wondered why she thought I was delusional, and then I realized she was talking about my girlfriend. I told her to take that back, and she said she’s only speaking the truth. I called her a transphobe and said that either my girlfriend goes or I won’t go at all. She said she’s “not letting that creep into my wedding.” So I said not to expect me there either.
She laughed like she thought I wouldn’t follow through with it. But I withdrew my RSVP and threw her wedding gift in the trash. Now she’s pissed and is getting everyone else involved. My parents are staying neutral. My sister’s fiancé is actually on my side (love that guy), along with my uncle. My aunt and cousins are on my sister’s side, and some are pressuring me to go because it’s my sister’s big day. Others want me to just keep the peace, and my aunt was just as transphobic as my sister. My girlfriend said I don’t have to destroy my relationship with my sister over her, but I told her that if my sister were like this, then it would have ended someday anyway, so it might as well be now.
But I’m wondering, AITA for splitting the family up between supporting me and supporting my sister?
So it’s been about a month since I posted, and it’s been a fun one. So my sister received a couple of ultimatums. The first was from her fiancé, who told her that if she didn’t apologize for how she acted and what she said, he would call off the wedding.
She half-a**ed it, but I accepted it because she’s annoying enough already. In my previous post, people believed my parents were transphobic for not taking a side, but they aren’t; they have been nothing but kind to my girlfriend. And my sister and I are their only kids, and they want grandkids, but I never want kids, and I’ve made this clear. My sister wants a big family, and my parents have reasoned that if she does throw a kid out for being gay and or trans, they could take them in if that ever happened.
My parents asked me if they would be OK with them going to her wedding. I gave them my blessing (which felt weird), and they gave my sister an ultimatum: either she invited me or they wouldn’t go. She relented and reinvited me, but not my girlfriend, so I’m still not going, but my parents will, and I’m fine with this compromise.
My parents have set aside some money and told me to take my girlfriend on a nice date that night, so I plan to take her to dinner, and then we get to see a movie opening night. My sister’s wedding fell on the same day as the movie, so it all worked out, I guess. My girlfriend and I are still together. She’s currently wrecking people in Smash with me while I type this. All in all, life is good.
After her apologies, I have gone into no contact with my sister. I unfortunately haven’t been in contact with her fiancé, which sucks because I’ve known him since I was little, but I have a feeling he understands. Anyway, that’s the update. Have a damn good one, guys.
18
AITA For Not Eating The Birthday Cake My Boyfriend Got Me?
From Redditor u/whooshgirll:
Alright, so my birthday was a couple of days ago, and I asked my boyfriend, like a week before, to get me a carrot cake. While I know it’s not a popular choice for a birthday cake, it’s my favorite and practically the only flavor of cake I like (besides red velvet, but I wasn’t feeling it). Keeping in mind that I was gonna have a birthday party with my friends, my boyfriend suggested that I get a “flavor that people like,” which I’d understand maybe if it was a huge party with tons of people, but I know MY friends and I know they wouldn’t mind carrot cake at all. (Edit: should clarify, I told him that my friends would be fine with carrot cake and to get it anyway.)
Anyway, fast forward to my birthday. My boyfriend goes and gets the cake from the shop in the afternoon, and I don’t get to see it since I’m getting ready, but he doesn’t mention anything to me about it, so I think nothing of it since I like a surprise. My friends arrive, and everything’s going great until it’s time for the cake to be served. We gather around the table and everyone sings happy birthday while my boyfriend brings out the cake, and to my horror, I see this big chocolate cake in his hands. I hate chocolate cake. It makes me sick. He KNOWS I hate chocolate cake.
My face fell when I saw it, but I didn’t say anything at the time. However, I did give my boyfriend a glare or two, which he picked up on since he kept insisting I eat the cake in front of everyone as we were serving it out. Something about that made me angry in the moment, and I refused to try the cake at all. I cut it, I blew out the candles, I handed it out to everyone, but I didn’t try it myself.
I don’t think the others took huge notice, but once the party ended, I started getting unready when my boyfriend came into our room and was like, “Why do you have to act like a child all the time??” And I’m like what the hell and he’s like, “You have to make a scene just because I didn’t get your f*cking carrot cake.” And he went on about how nobody likes carrot cake and how I’m spoiled and selfish and looked stupid not eating cake at my birthday and then claimed he couldn’t find carrot cake which is crazy cos 1. I’ve never not gone to that shop and NOT seen carrot cake, and 2. even if there wasn’t any, he coulda have picked ANY other flavor besides the only one I hate.
I told him that and he just got really upset like I was the one who started the fight and started going on about how I was overreacting over cake and how he tried his best to make this birthday good for me (which in fairness is true since he put a lot of effort into organizing it for me) but honestly I was just livid then. Now we’re still kinda off about it and neither of us has apologized or anything, but I’m starting to think I overreacted over cake, and I probably shoulda have just eaten it and then talked to him later, but I don’t know.
Hey, so I know it’s been ages, but I just saw a TikTok with this post in it, so I thought I’d share. I broke up with my boyfriend about a week after this happened. It wasn’t all to do with the cake situation. Some things happened afterwards which, along with this, resulted in me calling it quits. I wonder if he’s seen this, lmao.
We fought for a bit over it, and he called me some not-so-lovely names, but I got over it pretty quickly, and all is well now. And my friend went out and got red velvet cake afterwards. And before you guys say it, it’s NOT the same as chocolate…
Thanks a lot, guys, for the support and for knocking some sense into me, and sorry for not giving you guys an update. I didn’t really wanna think about it after we broke up. But yeah, moral of the story, eat cake and don’t be fake. Love you.
19
AITA For Wanting Hot Food?
From Redditor u/ItsTooColdForThat:
Yesterday I went ice skating with my girlfriend. Tuesday is one of her days for dinner, so she made chicken salad. When I saw the chicken salad, I admit I made a face. She was like, “What, what’s the problem?”
I said that we were outside in the cold all afternoon, and I wasn’t really in the mood for cold food. She said we’re inside, the heat is set to 74°, and we’re both wearing warm, dry clothes, so it was plenty warm enough to eat salad. I said sure, but I just wanted something warm to heat me on the inside. She said that was ridiculous, because my internal temperature is in the nineties, and my insides are plenty hot.
At this point, we were going in circles, so I said I was just going to heat some soup and told her to go ahead and start eating, and I’d be back in a few minutes. When I came out of the kitchen with my soup, she was upset, and she asked how I would feel if she refused to eat what I made tomorrow (which is today). I said I won’t care, and she said that was BS, because it’s rude to turn your nose up at something someone made for you.
Was I the a**hole for not wanting cold salad after being cold all day?
Wednesday, after I served the plates, my girlfriend said she didn’t want pasta and was going to make a salad. I was pretty sure she was going to do this, and it didn’t bother me. I waited for her to come back to start eating, and when she sat down, I tried to talk to her about her day. She asked if I was trying to make a point. I asked what she meant.
She asked if I cared that she wasn’t going to eat what I made. I said that I didn’t and would have it for lunch. She got frustrated, focused on her salad, and wouldn’t engage with me. After dinner, I said we shouldn’t make dinner for each other anymore.
She asked why I thought that, and I said it’s clear that she gets upset when she makes food for someone and they don’t eat it. It would be better for us just to make separate meals so we each know we will get what we want, and no one’s feelings would be hurt.
She said it wasn’t okay for me to make a unilateral decision about our relationship. I said that I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to cook for her anymore or have her cook for me if it was going to make her upset. We kind of went round and round on it until the conversation petered out. She texted me at work on Thursday that she was going to make salmon. I decided that if she tried to cook for me, I would just let her, so she’d feel like she won one over on me, and we’d draw a line under this.
She ended up making salmon only for herself, which I was surprised by, because I was expecting her to try to convince me to have some. I made myself a quick omelette and sat down with her. She asked if I was upset she didn’t cook for me, and I said no. Again, she accused me of making a point. She asked if I was going to cook for her on Friday, and I said no. She was put out.
Friday, she was upset that I had made only enough curry for one person and called me greedy. At this point, I’m over it all, so I just ignored her.