Man Sparks Debate by Asking Girlfriend to Fund Her Own Engagement Ring

A 24-year-old man turned to Reddit’s AITA (Am I The Asshole) community to ask whether he was wrong for requesting that his girlfriend pay for her own engagement ring. Despite having been in a committed, three-year relationship and living together, his proposal sparked more controversy than celebration. He explained that, while deeply in love and ready to propose, his current financial instability—he’s between jobs—makes it impossible to afford a ring. His girlfriend, on the other hand, earns a good salary. Believing it to be practical, he suggested she fund the engagement ring herself since they plan to merge finances in the future.

The girlfriend’s reaction was not what he anticipated. Offended by the suggestion, she pushed back, asserting that while she supports the idea of joint finances down the road, it didn’t feel right to pay for a symbol of commitment traditionally given by the proposer. This disagreement introduced tension into their previously harmonious relationship, with the girlfriend becoming distant and the man confused about why his proposal—financially logical in his eyes—was seen as inappropriate or even exploitative. Commenters were quick to criticize his approach, labeling him a “gold digger” and questioning his understanding of romantic symbolism and shared responsibility.

The situation has since sparked a broader conversation around evolving gender roles, financial equity in relationships, and the meaning of engagement traditions. Many argued that while financial equality is vital, so is the gesture behind an engagement, which should reflect effort and intentionality. The post not only highlights differing expectations between partners but also taps into deeper questions about love, money, and what it really means to build a life—and financial future—together.

Getting engaged is a wonderful experience as long as both partners have put in thought and effort to make it special for each other

The poster shared that he wanted to propose to his girlfriend of three years, but since he didn’t have enough money, he felt that she could get her engagement ring herself

Context and Background

A 24-year-old man, currently unemployed, has been in a loving relationship with his 25-year-old girlfriend for three years. They live together and have discussed marriage, agreeing that they want to spend their lives together. However, due to his financial situation, he cannot afford an engagement ring. Believing that since they plan to merge finances after marriage, it wouldn’t matter who pays for the ring, he asked his girlfriend to cover the cost. She was offended by the request and has since been distant. He turned to Reddit’s “Am I the Asshole” forum to ask if he was wrong for making this request.​

Community Response

The Reddit community overwhelmingly labeled him as the asshole in this situation. Many users emphasized that an engagement ring is traditionally a gift symbolizing love and commitment, and asking the recipient to pay for it undermines its significance. Some pointed out that even if finances will be shared in the future, the gesture of proposing should involve personal effort and sacrifice. Others suggested that if he truly couldn’t afford a ring, he could consider more affordable alternatives or wait until he is financially stable. The consensus was that his approach was inconsiderate and lacked the thoughtfulness expected in such a significant life event.​

Analysis

Traditionally, the person proposing purchases the engagement ring as a symbol of their commitment. While modern relationships often involve shared financial responsibilities, the act of proposing is still seen by many as a personal gesture. Asking a partner to pay for their own ring can be perceived as lacking effort or seriousness about the commitment. Moreover, financial hardships are understandable, but they require open and empathetic communication. Discussing alternative ways to symbolize commitment, such as choosing a less expensive ring or planning for a future purchase, might have been more appropriate.​

Folks were shocked by the poster’s selfishness and confronted him about his actions

Given the traditional and emotional significance of engagement rings, and the manner in which the request was made, the community’s judgment that he was in the wrong appears justified. It’s essential to approach such significant milestones with sensitivity, ensuring that both partners feel valued and respected.