He Wanted a Divorce—Until I Served the Papers.

Your husband asked you to get a divorce, but as soon as you did what was proper in terms of divorce announcements, he retaliated with financial, emotional and legal aggression. You are not the one who decided to part ways, however you ensure that the divorce remained fair particularly as you were a stay-at-home mum and it is his obligation to financially support the kids.

Based on what you’re saying, he would’ve thought he could make this separation one-sidedly — he wanted 50% custody without overnights for the kids’ sake, he didn’t want to pay child support even though he had historically been the higher earner, and he was trying to minimize the marriage to erase any sort of legal responsibility? He has immediately cancelled your credit card without any notice, your phone is cut off and he is threatening you: all of these are to control the narrative — not to share custody, equally!

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The Legal & Ethical Perspective

From a legal standpoint, child support is not optional just because one parent’s family has money. In most jurisdictions, courts consider the primary caregiver’s financial stability and the children’s best interests. Since you were a stay-at-home mom, it’s reasonable that he should contribute financially, as he was the one earning. Even if your parents are wealthy, that does not absolve him of parental responsibility.

Regarding custody, courts often favor gradual transition periods—especially for infants—before allowing overnight stays with a non-primary caregiver. If he wasn’t an actively engaged parent before, sudden 50/50 custody, including immediate overnights, might not align with the children’s best interests. Your caution regarding overnights and structured visitation is not unreasonable, especially given his behavior during the separation.

As for his claim that you’re not legally married, that would depend on your jurisdiction’s marriage laws. Even if you filed the license late, many courts recognize religious or common-law marriages. If he had previously presented himself as your husband for legal or financial purposes, his argument might not hold up in court.

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:

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Absolutely not. You didn’t surprise him—he wanted the divorce & fought against being fair at every turn. If anything, he appears to be expecting that you will roll over, give him all the rights, never push back on money or custody issues. It isn’t about something you have actually done wrong, it is just an expression of his anger because he has lost that control.

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But if you defend yourself and your children, you are not vile or evil —you are doing your job as a parent. At the end of the day, and if he really wanted to part amicably, he could have gone through mediation and not tried to evade his legal obligations. You are just making certain that your kids could rely on you for help — financially and emotionally.

Conclusion: NTA — Not the Asshole You signed the papers, he wanted out, now he has the fallout of his own choices and he feels angry. 🚩