AITA for Rejecting My Father’s Girlfriend’s ‘Creepy and Invasive’ Gift to Film My Childbirth?
Every body has a different line for how personal it is to become a parent. The gift that her father’s girlfriend — “Lena” — gave to this soon-to-be mom felt over the line and too invasive.
Lena, an influencer-specific enthusiast, went out of her way to give the mom to be a business card to a local videographer, with the goal of hiring someone to capture the birth of the influencer’s latest achievement. The mom-to-be was very upfront about how she only wanted her husband there for the birth and has said on past occasions that ideas like this make her anxious, but Lena thought it would be a “lovely keepsake.”
When Lena gave the gift, the mom was polite in the moment but later explained she was uncomfortable with the notion. So they were arguing, Lena got upset, dad was disappointed, and mom was thinking whether she did the right thing.
Childbirth is often accompanied by a mix of physical, emotional, and psychological challenges
And this woman’s dad and his girlfriend wanted to record hers
Navigating Boundaries, Gifts, and Family Dynamics
1. Birth Is a Personal and Medical Event
Giving birth is ranked as one of the lowest points in a person is life. Some consider it an intimate experience intended only for very intimate loved ones. To film it is to put performance into something already deeply private.
And the pregnant woman’s position is absolutely justifiable — most likely she’ll want to be as comfortable as possible, without fear of triggering any boundaries during what is potentially going to be one of the most intense and emotionally charged events of her life. This is not about shutting down Lena, but about Lena prioritizing her own comfort and agency in the situation.
2. Lena’s Intentions vs. Impact
I’m sure Lena thought she was giving a thoughtful, unique gift. All the social media ILS, and now she is following suit, documenting every thing, normalizing for her. Yet, this offering entirely missed that the mom-to-be had been explicit in her boundaries, interest in such practices, and that its implications were more Lena than the receiving party.
It helps if the generosity matches with what the receiving party wants and the ground work. Such a gift may decidedly miss the mark and seem tone-deaf or even selfish — totally missing the giver’s intent.
3. Communication and Boundaries
As for how the mom to-be handled it, Lena said, “[She] thanked me for the compliment then later in the week pulled me aside and told me she was uncomfortable. Creepy may have been a strong word, but I totally get it, and no wonder, after all the boundary-setting one has to do.
Thus, Lena’s shock and hurt coupled with the fathers disappointment suggests that they may not have grasped what made this gift such a misfire. To help diffuse any tension, it might be worth addressing this calmly as the issue being one of comfort and not one of wanting to be around Lena.
4. Moving Forward:
- Reaffirm Boundaries: Make it clear to Lena and the father that while the gesture was appreciated, the boundaries around childbirth are non-negotiable.
- Suggest Alternatives: Offer ideas for gifts that align with the mom’s preferences, like a newborn photo session or a keepsake album, to redirect Lena’s desire to help.
- Focus on Communication: If the father remains disappointed, a calm conversation about respecting personal boundaries might help repair the dynamic.
As her story went viral, the woman replied to some of the comments
The expectant mother is not the asshole for rejecting a gift that blatantly dismissed her boundaries. Although Lena’s intentions were likely good, they were not in alignment with what the other person values and needs in a moment of intimacy.
The scenario illustrates the significance of boundaries even with gifts and the mother was well within her rights to put her preferences first on her birthing day.
