Parents Break Promise Years Ago, Son Refuses to Drive Them Home—They End Up With a DUI
A 25-year-old tells how a Halloween five years ago turned into a horror and why he refuses to have the holiday with his family. Fultinuz—the life of the party—was ultimately pressured to remain at his sister’s party (where his parents had dropped him off) to play the role of dutiful designated driver.
He ended up missing his friends party and had what I think may very well be the most boring Halloween ever. So disgusted by their not keeping their promise, the days of accountability and the overhyped ‘spirit of Halloween’ ended and they’d find a way to spend the rest of the Halloweens with friends. His family urged him to drive them once more this year saying they “needed him to drive them around.” They drove themselves, their son said, and ended up getting a DUI, when he declined to go home with them because he was “old enough to go home on his own,” and to discourage the parents from going.
His sister and others in the family now blame him for not stopping the incident — but his choice had been based on years of frustration with their actions.
Some promises are like cheap fireworks – full of spark at first but fizzle out way too quickly
One man decided he would never spend Halloween with his family after they forced him to drive them around so they could drink, missing his friend’s costume party
Balancing Boundaries, Accountability, and Family Dynamics
1. The Power of Broken Promises
Promises, oaths, whatever they’d like to call it, is serious emotional territory that families wrangle with, especially during family traditions. His parents disrespected his choices by breaking the commitment that they made to let him stay at his sister’s house and making him feel guilty about it. Repeated broken promises can fracture relationships and establish the need for boundaries.
2. Setting and Enforcing Boundaries
He did not miss Halloween with his family out of spite, but because he needed to miss Halloween with his family in order to feel safe. Therapists especially stressed the importance on boundaries when there has been a history of being manipulated or dismissed.
This refusal to drive his parents was about laying down a boundary that came about out of experiences had in the past. He didn’t refuse to compromise his boundaries and that’s why they got the DUI; those are the decisions they made.
3. Accountability vs. Blame
While in the heat of the moment crisis its easy to pass the blame families, accountability starts with the parents who chose to drink and drive. The DUI was the result of their actions and not the result of him refusing. The first thing the family did instead of addressing their behaviour, was to redirect blame onto him, creating a vicious cycle.
4. The Turning Point: Reconciliation with His Sister
But with perhaps a hint of modest hopefulness given the fact that his sister is starting to accept where he is and what role she has played and how she might start defending him against her and his parents toxic parent patterns… Maybe, he said, this will help lead them to something better with family life, even if it doesn’t resolve the questions he’s had with his parents.
Netizens side with the man, saying he is not a jerk for refusing to spend Halloween with his parents and drive them around, after they broke their promise once before
OP is not the a-hole for choosing his own emotional well-being over a family tradition that continued to disrespect his boundaries. He did not let them down by refusing to meet their demands; in fact, the consequences of their DUI are entirely of their own making.
Though it is good to see him get support from his sister now, the family needs to reconcile with the larger problem of accountability and respect if those bonds are not going to be put to the shredder again.
Related Posts
Man has moral dilemma over sugar-free partner continuing to eat chocolate, ‘she doesn’t know.’ AITA?
But it is still less clear cut when the consequences seem…
Woman Rushes Boyfriend To ER But Ends Up Saving Herself After Accidentally Checking His Phone
Sometimes, no matter how hard someone tries to hide the…
‘AITA for being hurt that my MIL wanted to exclude my daughter from Thanksgiving and Christmas to protect my SIL?’
A 31-year-old woman is heartbroken about this as her mother-in-law (MIL)…
AITA for Refusing to Take Back My Girlfriend After She Cheated “Just to See If She Still Had It”?
His girlfriend has been cheating on him for 2 years…
Woman Freaks Out After Finding Out MIL’s Plans For Her Future Child: “That’s An Adoption”
You’ve heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise…
AITA for Crying Over My MIL Taking My Baby to See Santa First?
Feeling guilty about having a one and only, a mom…