‘AITA for getting the groom’s brother’s wife’s mother uninvited from a destination wedding?’ ‘She already arrived.’

From wedding attitude to past friends vs future friends, this one is filled with wrinkle upon wrinkle in the fabric of social politeness and familial relationships. Here is a breakdown of all these key elements:

Actions at the Rehearsal Dinner

Spreading crap and stirring up drama is not something that an average sane person would do, however, granted, my SIL is definitely not your average sane person. Do not try to use this event as a stage to air grievances or stir controversy against the bride or groom, or anyone for that matter, who is involved with making this event happen. Then SIL stepped it up another notch with her mother jumping on the passive aggressive band wagon and confronting OP and treating her with disrespect which only made the stress insane of the occasion. Their overall behavior could have given rise to reservation regarding the vibe of the wedding.

The Decision to Uninvite

Weddings, especially destination ones, are expensive, high-stakes affairs.” It is extreme to uninvite a guest after they have arrived, but it seems the decision was made in the hope of maintaining the party atmosphere at the event. Him finding support from OP’s in-laws, who must have some sort of relationship with SIL’s mother, supports the idea that the decision wasn’t too too unfair.

Request for Reimbursement

Should so, does this mean that SIL should repay her request from her mother? Typically, guests coming to a completely different location to observe the wedding absorb the price tag. The couple may be obligated to pay for her travels, but under most circumstances this should be laid out in advance if that is the expectation so while it was odd to uninvite her after arrival, it is not something ‘normal’ people would assume. Generally in other instances, guests have found little court or legal precedent on their side unless a contractual relation existed.

Conflict Management

Reflecting on this event illustrates the difficulties of dealing with familyvis-a-vis on day of the heightened nerves. But the OP consulted her in-laws, and here, I think you see the OP really trying to be thoughtful and keep this from becoming a situation: But SIL’s mom is still hostile, and she still demands reimbursement, so clearly there is still some resentment going on — although I imagine SIL’s mom has some loyalty to her daughter as well.

Related Case Studies:

Wedding Social Etiquette: Uninvited Guests Have in Other Cases Held a Hand Out Asking for Compensation, but False Claimed Without Contracts or a Legal Right Have Little Clout

Destination Wedding Etiquette: People who go to destination weddings are prepared to bail if schedules change or their lives get busy, say the pros.

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